Fiancé asking for a prenup

What household expenses? Are you paying rent on his house or just towards bills? You could negotiate a prenup where you dont pay anything towards his properties but you buy your own that he would not be entitled too in the event of a divorce but that of course relies on you working and not having children if you did the prenup would have you financially compensated for that

It's all very transactional and to be honest I wouldn't like it but if you love him and see your future with him you need to be clear in your wants needs and expectations

I think she just doesn’t want to be left high and dry with tiny babies for decades, not unreasonable given the awfulness you see on here on a daily basis.

Marrying him for money ALONE, which means it definitely a factor for you. I don’t blame him 1 bit ! You’re making it sound like a business transaction and getting upset when he does the same.
‘Pot meet kettle ‘absolutely nails it !

I was always told not to get married while planning for it to break down. If he insists, I don’t think he is the man for you, and sorry to say this but I don’t think he loves you enough.

yep, there’s no nice future in this proposed sham of a marriage. Think the op is worried about her biological clock as much as her finances and is prepared to n accept shit

I don’t think it is for you to police anyone’s posts actually - so you should perhaps ‘dial it down’. Do you think a ‘joint account’ is going to help her if the shit hits the fan? No it won’t if it’s empty for heavens sake.

The men on here are out in force I see. Determined to put women down and insult them for looking out for each other. I think MN are finally going to do something about it at last. Good riddance.

I’m also not sure what you’re on about, finances are not completely seperate here, they have a joint account, and they don’t even have children yet. And all the drama about spending her life hoping she’s not hit by a bus. It’s ludicrous. All the man wants to do is protect his businsss in the event of divorce.

dial it down.

I’ll say it again combative waffle with a side order of women are goddesses who sacrifice looks,pelvic floor,and take all the risks. Blah blah shuffle the play list

was my user name not a clue?
Coffee- daily . Grind, house blend
lipstick - daily, Chanel or Nars
Keys - lots of. Work, and personal. They jangle on a satisfying manner

I know what a pre nup is for heavens sake! Everyone does.

It sets the precedent of keeping finances separate from the very beginning. He might choose to share his income, he might not. He might choose to help her with childcare, he might not. He might support her with pension top ups and money over her maternity leave, he might not. The Judge might uphold the pre nup in court even with young children or disability, she/he might not.

There are way too many unknowns in an arrangement like this. That is my point. She will be dependent on ‘goodwill’ rather than legal access to their marital income.

She has got to hope and pray she isn’t hit by a bus or her child is disabled or she might find herself in serious trouble if he turns out to be an arsehole.

As a woman, which can be a uniquely vulnerable position to be in if pregnant or with young babies, if she has any sense she will run a mile and protect herself.

That's it. MN has taught most of us that at least! Now stop being so bloody annoying.

I know what a pre nup is for heavens sake! Everyone does.

It sets the precedent of keeping finances separate from the very beginning. He might choose to share his income, he might not. He might choose to help her with childcare, he might not. He might support her with pension top ups and money over her maternity leave, he might not. The Judge might uphold the pre nup in court even with young children or disability, she/he might not.

There are way too many unknowns in an arrangement like this. That is my point. She will be dependent on ‘goodwill’ rather than legal access to their marital income.

She has got to hope and pray she isn’t hit by a bus or her child is disabled or she might find herself in serious trouble if he turns out to be an arsehole.

As a woman, which can be a uniquely vulnerable position to be in if pregnant or with young babies, if she has any sense she will run a mile and protect herself.

That's it. MN has taught most of us that at least!

Wow. You really don’t get it do you. A woman can easily have a sterling career, plenty of savings and investments - but if they find themselves with a child or children that require 247 care her savings aren’t going to last for very long if she can’t actually work. Her career is meaningless unless she can physically work. Even moderately poorly/special needs children require much more investment in terms of time and resources.

That is why a solid marriage of two equals is so important, and her dh is equally responsible in terms of time and an availability and he is financially capable of meeting their needs in ALL scenarios.

You clearly haven’t been on MN for very long if you haven’t seen the number of poor outcomes for both the women and children in these predicaments.

Separate finances, no access to money IS an issue, and particularly acute if you have disabled or poorly children. There is no guarantee OP’s dh will share his income. She is practically signing that away. It’s very risky.

She would be best advised to ditch the relationship, focus on her own career and security.

That was my first suggestion in the post you responded to. We agree!

He owns a business - in his position, I'd also want a prenup.

Otherwise in the event of a divorce, he may have to either sell or liquidate the business at short notice to settle a divorce.

A prenup doesn't mean that you shouldn't be entitled to any of the wealth accrued in his business but it might set out how that division would take place and over what time frame rather than forcing a sale in the wrong period.
He may also have other investors in the business - or may bring them in - or banks that finance it and have a claim on the business so it isn't that simple.

The co-founder of the business I work for had to wait several years for a suitable liquidity point to sell part of his stake and pay that to his ex-wife. He doesn't control the business despite being a co-founder so it isn't always simple when a business is involved.

A pre nup shouldn't mean you are left with nothing and a good one can make a divorce simpler. Get a lawyer of your own and listen to the offer they are proposing.

Marriage is a legal contract and has financial impact. It isn't just a romantic statement.

They're not married yet. If she's expecting to have to "work on" the marriage before they're even married / had children then the simpler option is to work fulltime and build her career and ditch the risky relationship.

In fact I’d use it as a vehicle to get extremely clear with him on finances. Who pays for what how its split and what happens when you’re pregnant maternity leave childcare etc - and if you’re not happy with his position great better to know before than after. Everyone should have these conversations before marriage & children.

The prenup in the UK would likely only hold up pre children anyway. Once they are on the scene the situation changes. His reasons are just as valid as yours until that point.

You don't seem to get it. If a woman leaves herself so completely vulnerable, she's got no money. Whatsoever That's nothing to do with a sick child. That's poor planning or lack of ability to communicate. You can't blame other people for a situation. You walked into eyes open. It doesn't make any sense. It literally is an unplanned life. And it doesn't even take a lot of planning to make sure that you've got some kind of financial stability, not wealth. But just basic economic literacy, you don't have that. And you want to marry someone that actually has got that, and a lot of assets. The safest thing they can do is create a prenup because you've demonstrated no financial capacity. It's a scary thing to marry someone who has no concept of money but who expects to use yours. That's crazy to me

Why why do you keep on circling around benefits? As though that's the normal position, people find themselves in actually most women in England work, it's like you're coming in from a different century. It doesn't make any sense. You have got a very specific situation that you keep on talking about. It's not common to have a disabled child. You must know that. Also, if your child has severe disabilities, that would not be able to be negated by a prenap. You've been told this again and again and again. Also, it just sounds like you should marry someone. That's got the exact same income as you. And then fifty-fifty percent share the care of everything in the household. And the child? That's the only way everyone could be happy because there's no argument for somaeone, thinking that something that they have never contributed to. Should be theirs, doesn't make any sense.It's entitled, and if a man was to say that he would be shot down

Have you decided what to do @Aquea?

It is bound to influence the way they share finances during their marriage. How can it not? It shouldn’t be confusing.

If they sign to keep their finances separate it’s extremely likely they will remain exactly that - separate. If op is then in a position that many mothers find themselves in with a disabled or sick child/she is too ill herself to work she has no access to money whatsoever and will be reliant on the goodwill of her dh or not as the case may be. She can’t even access benefits. She is then in an extremely vulnerable position. I am surprised you are not aware of this.

If you bring an inheritance acquired before the marriage into the marriage by using it to buy what is the marital home, it becomes a marital asset. You can ring fence pre-acquired inheritance in some circumstances but not if you use it like this

So he had a house that he inherited before the marriage and then she stillanaged to get half of that, too?

I don’t think this is the case at all, but even if it were, he’d then expect separate finances with or without a pre nup. Plenty of people - both men and women - do demand separate finances in a marriage and that has nothing to do with whether or not they also have a pre nup. This man wants to protect his business. That’s a different thing to how he wants to organise domestic finances. But the OP should also discuss with him what their expectations on that point are.

Whay are you deliberately ignoring the human element. That is the effect it would have on family relations to actually do this, regardless of any court decision?

I've seen this exact session play out in real life. The ex wife kept the house. Kicking her out was a fight too far for the husband.

Like I said. Pre nups are largely irrelevant. And no, the ex husband didn't get to keep the assets acquired before the marriage. The house was paid for by an inheritance he received years before he even met his wife.