Fiancé asking for a prenup

Walk away, there is no trust. You are not ready to have children with this man.

Even my gut is saying ‘Don't marry him’.

You both seem overly transactional in this relationship… and as you pointed out, your friends are waltzing up the aisle hand in hand and you’re almost forcing him to do the same.
(I get your reasons why)

It shouldn’t feel like this. Really it shouldn’t…

So your assets would be shared 50 50 and his would be ring-fenced for him?

How is he proposing to recompense you for that? As a financial partner he wants to be considered as having no assets and no income.

Not a chance would I marry him.

DH and I entered marriage more or less financially equal, but I would not marry someone I had to browbeat to marry me and who then presented me with a prenup.

Marriage isn’t romantic it is a legal contract to protect, a prenup is also a contract to protect.

if you go ahead think of the protection you need for the future and add a clause about children if there is a possibility that your career will take a hit.

Yep this. I’m much worse off married as I brought the house etc into the relationship.

don’t give up work is all I can say. Don’t ever lose your financial independence. Kids don’t mean you have to lose your career. Also remember there are compromises such as both of you going four days, it doesn’t have to be him provide, you care total split. You can share.

I had this. We did it (after 8 years or so together!!), but really the solicitor said that it's a waste of money and not worth the paper it's written on in the UK. They will consider EVERYTHING in the case of divorce.

So if you take time out to raise your family/ even maternity leave etc. So in 5/10 years, it will pretty much be obsolete.

In fact, will he be supporting you throughout maternity leave etc? Probably time for these discussions sooner rather than later.

Not a nice feeling though, I agree (especially because he made his financial leap since we've been together - and I followed him around the world to enable him to do this and still be together).
Nothing romantic about it.

Negotiate think of it like a divorce contract you will need a place for you and the children to live a lump sum rising in proportion to your marriage if your injured during childbirth that rises if your off work due to children that rises basically protect yourself and after a certain amount of time it should become invalid

Also dont forget to protect any inheritance you might get and any assets you might develop too

Marriage is a legal contract, nothing more. You insisted on him signing up to legally share his life and assests with you, this is his, very sensible, response. If you don't like him doing exactly the same as you (protecting himself in the event of any future problems) then you need to move on to someone with less to lose, or less clued up. You started this.

FWIW i don't agree with the MN insistence that any woman not married before having DC is stupid. I'm a single parent doing very well for myself and had I been married the separation would have been much worse for me.

That’s very sensible of him.

When you have dc you are sacrificing so much why isn’t he acknowledging that?

Not only are you taking all of the risks physically, your career, pension and salary is likely to take a huge hit even with one child, most women still
do the lion’s share of childcare and mental load (he doesn’t sound like he will) and if he leaves you, you will be left raising his dc pretty much penniless. Why would anyone agree to this? Most wouldn’t op.

They can however be taken into account, weirdly OP is in a similar position a friend was in seven years ago, they got the pre-nup, they’re now divorced. The pre-nup protected their business and the jobs of over 50 people. Without it the business would no longer exisf and the employees would all be out of work.

Simply dont sign until you have had legal advice. Just wonder what legal protection marriage gives you? Also not source uk recognises prenups in divorce. Get a solicitor. Do you really want to marry him?

I’m not against pre nups in certain situations at all, and think they can be a good idea. Would I be committing to having children with one hanging over my head? No. No chance. You could be left in an extremely vulnerable position - with children to support and no way of doing so. He hardly sounds like someone that will step up.

I would walk away.

He sounds too selfish and materialistic to take the risk. He has led you to believe you can have a safe, loving and committed relationship, when in fact this feels like a cold, loveless transaction.

Does he ever make you feel cherished? You do deserve to have someone that can make you feel no doubt of their love for you. He is in love with his own bank balance, and everything boils down to that.

Perfectly reasonable for him/you to retain assets from pre-marriage.

I signed a pre-nup OP, it was actually my suggestion even though my husband has the asset as it was worrying him. Slightly different circs as we married after a long relationship, we met as teenagers, and already had children, his business was established when our eldest was 1YO. I’ve worked full time throughout and did 99% of children and housework in the earlier years of his business as he worked insane hours. This is slightly better now but I still do probably 90%. So I think I’ve actually contributed to his business being a success as he’s not had to do anything but run it.

It can be beneficial to both parties. I agreed he could ring fence his business, we keep our own savings, pensions & investments, joint savings split, and in return I would get the entirety of the equity in the family home, and he would continue to pay as spousal maintenance 50% of the monthly mortgage payments until either house is owned outright or our youngest turns 21. At the time we had a mortgage of 30% LTV. He has always said pre marriage that I could ‘keep the house’ if we split as he would not want to uproot DC but I wanted that formalised. He can easily purchase another home if we split, I could not, so protecting this was my priority.

Why not? If he's allowed to put what he wants into it, then you should make damn sure all those things are included and locked down too.

Although I agree with others that I wouldn't be going near this guy with a ten-foot barge pole!

Have your feelings towards him & the kind of lifestyle you maybe envisaged now changed? I mean if you truly love him for him, protecting what he’s built up independently of you, should in theory have no bearing. Can the prenup set out terms for ensuring any DC are contributed toward & a maintenance amount negotiated? It could help reassure you that he will support any children & maintain the kind of lifestyle he would envisage them having, what kind of education they will receive etc. I don’t know anything about prenups but that’s how I’d be thinking about this.

I’m not sure this relationship will work . I can understand the concerns both ways tbh but only
you can decide . Raising children successfully together also requires lots of compromise and how will that go .

Don’t marry him or have children with him, OP. He’s not that into you.

And separate your savings! Sounds like his money is his money and your money is his money.

Because she’s thinking of having children with him. She is making herself potentially financially and physically vulnerable and he could leave her high and dry.

Your instinct is telling you this is not a man to marry or raise children with.

My friend had this and she's played it beautifully.

In prenup they agree that everything her now husband made before their marriage - is his, and everything after the marriage - is split 50/50.

Of course her now DH made more money and they have an amazing lifestyle. Just moved into £2.5m home (mortgage free), her kids go to the best private school, and she is a part time Pilates teacher. She's very very happy.

I'm happy she handled it well and didn't just spit the dummy out; and gets to enjoy a nice lifestyle and marriage.

Can you do something similar?

Marriage isn't romantic. It's a binding contract. The day is all hearts and flowers. Saves on complicated wills and bank access.

Just see the solicitor, take the pre nup with you, what are the terms? I would ask that its null and void should you have a child.

Make sure he gives you the money to pay for the solicitor.

However, , suggest you both have a will in case you get married and pass away.

Ref his business, there are other things he can do to ring-fence it. I think he will settle down, once married.

If you can't get pregnant, do you both plan to divorce? Say after 3 years? If you are horrified by this suggestion, you are not marrying for love.

A pre-nup is fine if it also protects you. What do you get if you divorce? Agree to the pre-existing business part of what he wants but make sure there’s an agreement as to what you will get as well as what you won’t.

But why are you making a man who has no interest in it marry you? I completely understand why you want to get married. Question is, why doesn’t he? Even if he is not that interested in marriage in general, that fact that you want it should make him as keen. The right person would marry you a hundred times if that’s what makes you happy.