Fiancé asking for a prenup

Agreed. So many people not realising that the agreement works both ways and protects both partners.

If he does truly care and is reasonable he will agree to pre nup terms that balance his and OP’s interests. I fear he won’t. So his agreement to marriage was meaningless - and included a huge lie of omission since he only brought up the pre nup later

She would be protected in that scenario. What if she has an affair and he still has to give her half his business?

She wouldn’t ask for no pre-nup if she truly loved and cared about him.

This is an absurdly reductive post. Asking someone to sign a prenup to protect the assets he has built up before the marriage in no way equates to him expecting her to be like an indentured servant in the marriage. The assumption that the two things are connected is absolute nonsense and only someone looking to profit from a marriage would make that assumption.

God forbid she has a child with disabilities or needs she will be totally screwed.

Dont do it op.

He wouldn’t ask you to if he truly loved and cared about you.

Op will be on maternity leave at least a few times, who is going to
cover that?

It’s undeniable that having babies is exhausting whilst having to work full time with multiple children. Who is paying for the nanny? Nursery? Who is getting up every single might? Taking days off for illness etc?

Is he going to do 50/50 childcare whilst running his business full time? Or does he expect op to do that for free? Who is going to clean the house, do the food shop, pay the bills, mow the lawn, care for young babies? Is he going to do all of that as well?

Op’s career will take a hit, as will her pension unless she returns immediately to work and refuses to ever get up with her babies so will her career. It’s brutal and exhausting.

Why on earth would anyone agree to these conditions?

Having dc with a man that refuses to support his wife in any way is brutally hard. Many a career lies in tatters as a result. I wish some would stop cherry picking the reality of 21st century motherhood.

Op is giving away her freedom, her youth, her earning capacity, her security and future on a man that is not willing to have her back in any way leaving her very exposed for years if not decades to come.

@Aquea have the prenup say that you will not go after his business if you separate (fair enough), but should you have children then he needs to pay all your full pension contributions whilst on maternity.

OP working full time might not be easy after DC, especially if her DP wishes to work long hours, travel and so on.

The conversation - indeed prenup terms if they’re getting one! - about working hours and travel after DC is important, as well as the one about wealth sharing.

OP and / or DCs’ health or additional needs could arise.

So it's ok for you to want to be married but not for him to also protect himself lol....either way what a farce of a relationship why bother

It all sounds rather forced and cynical but if you are sure about wanting to be with this man you need to agree to his terms. I can understand why he is worried, if it is his life's work - he doesn't want to lose it. Why not turn it in your favour? Like negotiate good terms and protection for yourself if you have kids, cant work, etc. He can protect his business post divorce, you can protect you being cared for. Also, put in any clause with regards to him paying you post divorce in case you career takes nose dive etc. Play him at his game.

Honestly just sign it then forget about it. When married make wills. Live your best life.

if you divorce the pre nip will be considered but not legally binding.

This. If I had a successful business and/or assets I'd definitely want them protected, there's nothing romantic about divorce!

Reclassify yourself as a sex worker and then draw up and present him with an employment contract for him to sign with your going rates, working conditions and bonuses and health benefits, maternity pay and pension. Factor in additional payments for exceeding quarterly targets, fiscal consideration for the depreciation of your vagina and boobs as he uses them, a good severance package should he decide to upgrade or your hardware becomes obsolete, etc.

Beat him at his own game!

You want legal protection eg marriage, he want legal protection eg prenup. Cannot see what’s your issue. You want your specific preference met (marriage) but are uncomfortable with his preference eg prenup. Why?
Look,prenup doesn’t mean that you’re inevitably think that the marriage end in divorce and that he needs to protect assets prior to being married. Prenup is sensible as it’s negotiated at a time of good will and when both parties are supposed to be cordial & amenable e.g. planning the marriage.

well you might as well have the big conversation now do you plan to work after you have children? Will you go back to full-time part-time? What will happen after the children arrive ? Will you Use nursery? Childminder ?nanny? Regards, finances how you divide money will you have shared money or individual money? Have all those conversations as well.

I suppose your niggle will probably that you’ve given him an ultimatum and if he wants to have children, he will have to marry you. He’s not an extent spontaneously decided , he’s been given an ultimatum . He’s been told you plus marriage = children.

OP’s DP doesn’t want to share his wealth in the event of breaking up, which would be fair if they had no DC and were married a short time, but very unfair if they stay married for many years and OP works much less than him after DC, negatively affecting her personal earnings.

That wouldn’t happen, judges take pre-nups under advisement but they would also factor in how long the couple were married, how many kids, who worked, who was SAHM, who earned more, who has bigger pension.

I think it's more to do with the fact that women's bodies get ruined by children. Fact. And they can also have long term consequences. It's mostly men who walk away from families. Fact. It's often men on here who refuse to share their nig salaries whilst women scrimpt and save to buy sanitary products and clothes for the children. So a woman wanting legal protection is very different from a man not wanting to provide for his family.

Have you told him this? How did he respond?

I'd be ok with a prenup if it was very specifically to protect assets/a business built before I was in the picture. But after marriage then I think everything should be pooled because it was earned while you were a team.

Imagine you're a sahm looking after the kids and he grows his business to 100 employees. He wouldn't have been able to do that without your work at home.

But really you should be able to discuss all these ideas and scenarios openly. Does he show any understanding of children affecting your earning potential and pension etc?

She’s not though, is she? She said she plans to continue working FT. Which is very sensible since we’re all responsible for ourselves and if you place your financial future in someone else’s hands, you might find out that that was a poor decision, especially if you divorce or they die and you find out things about their finances you weren’t aware of. Like my friend whose husband tragically died in an accident aged 42 leaving her with 2 young kids, no job, and a massive debt she knew nothing about because he’d hidden it from her

Exactly. You can not overlook the power in balance, financial risks and the vulnerability of the woman that is pregnant in this scenario.

Just as an FYI, the divorce rate is more like 40% than 50. Its not something I'd take into account when making life choices myself, not least because the stats for cohabiting split rates are harder to find, but if people think it's important then it's worth getting right.

They're not legally binding anyway??
I'd be more worried about the conditions in it, what is he trying to deny you and how long will it stand? You want to be married for legal protection, but sounds like he doesn't want you to have that protection.

And so he should, he built his business before you arrived on the scene. Sounds sensible for him to not want to have to hand half over should things go wrong

They say don’t get married to someone you wouldn’t want to get divorced from: 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce, so it’s not unlikely. Would you take a 50% risk on losing half of a business you’d worked hard to build up?

As someone who is twice divorced (no, I didn’t expect either of them to happen but that’s life), I wouldn’t get married again but if I were to do so, would have no problem signing a prenup. If you don’t want to, I think you should examine your expectations of marriage and reasons for getting married.

Is your partner going to take the physical and financial hit of having multiple children? Are they going to be in a very vulnerable position for years on end with tiny children to care for?

But it isn't possible to do a reverse when childbearing is involved. There's an inherent risk to the woman that cannot be replicated. The answers OP is being given reflect this.