Fiancé asking for a prenup

A prenup is not romantic. But it’s sensible. 2 years is quite quick to be getting married. But I think you are right to want that security before children. He wants that security for his business too as he is employing other people.

How would I know, ask the OP? 50:50 isn’t like we split every minute/job/penny in our house, it ebbs and flows depending on what we both have on at the time. 50/50 is a lot about mutual respect & understanding which it sounds like the OPs relationship is missing, they’re not on the same page. For all she knows, the prenup might include financially supporting her with time off after having children etc. The business was built before they met though so why shouldn’t it be protected 🤷🏻‍♀️

I totally understand feeling like this, but I think it’s probably a sensible thing to do these days.

Isn’t it something like 50% of marriages end in divorce?

The whole thing can get really messy and it probably is best he protects himself (as unromantic as that sounds).

But your friend didn’t have multiple babies to support for at least twenty years, so no wonder it was easy just to walk away! Jesus, it’s just so basic. It is the prospect of children that changes the dynamics, not the marriage, not the pre nup.

He's not looking at marriage, he's looking at a business arrangement.

Would he take into account the sacrifices financially you would make in order to have children and would be compensate you?

I would run a mile. You're not in it together.

If you go forward with this, you need to make sure the prenup works for you too - especially once children are in the picture.

It needs to specify what happens in case of injury, what the expectations are around childcare (eg. if one of you goes part time, how that now affects finances), around keeping your pension topped up if you are out of work (due to injury/childcare). I would include split of domestic labour too - as that is often the straw that breaks the camel's back.

You can't be left with all the disadvantages of a prenup, and no benefit to you (not least because a contract requires consideration/benefit to both sides)

And yet you gleaned enough to post a response? Skip on then if it’s too difficult

Much comes down to the terms of the deal he seeks and will sign up to.

wanting to retain his personal wealth, earned before and after marriage, doesn’t indicate what he might do if divorced regarding the DC. Many divorced (or never married) fathers do right by their DC financially and in their parenting, but many don’t.

He is askimg for the same financial protection that you are. But tbh, the whole thing doesnt sound right at all from your messages and tone. I would walk away. You dont sound excited and happy about any of it.

Quite. OP has issued an ultimatum. Those are her terms. A prenup is his requirement but somehow that makes him a terrible beast who plans to take advantage of her and treat her like a servant. It’s such lazy thinking. If any thinking is involved at all.

A friend of mine got married and her husband required a prenup as he had family wealth. A year after the marriage he left her for someone else. She was devastated, obviously, but their divorce was significantly more straightforward and less costly than would otherwise have been the case, because they had agreed what would happen. It meant that this very unpleasant episode in her life was over quickly and she was able to move on.

Also, having a prenup does not mean automatically giving up your right to everything on divorce. They are contracts negotiated by lawyers. You HAVE to have independent legal advice on a prenup in order for it to be enforceable. The OP is free to negotiate whatever terms she requires. And actually, if a couple can’t agree on what terms are fair in the event of a divorce BEFORE they even get married, they probably shouldn’t be getting married anyway.

I can’t follow your post with the number of typos and inconsistencies.

I’ll consolidate it for you: op has way too much to lose to agree to this transactional marriage with no financial security provision at all, there we go: nice and simple.

How is he going to do 50/50 everything if he is working every hour building his business? How does that work in reality?

Life with this man will be an uphill battle

You deserve more

Please leave him

So it’s ok for you to protect your interests but not for him? It may not be romantic but it’s sensible-he’s looking after his future children’s interests. I think you need to get over yourself but it may be worth you going to counselling to help navigate your feelings on this so resentment doesn’t fester

Wouldn’t bother me one bit. Obviously would be reading the details (IE how are future children considered etc) but I am completely financially independent (we 50:50 everything). My wife’s family are a lot more financially well off than mine, but I wouldn’t dream of anything coming my way and wouldn’t want to try & take anything even in a divorce. I also probably wouldn’t have continued a relationship with someone who had different values to me though, if I wanted marriage and children I definitely wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t.

How old are you? Is this all happening because you’re against the clock?

Issue here is not the prenup, the issues is that you have misgivings you you feel that on a certain level he’s acting as if he’s been coerced to marriage and that he hasn’t spontaneously or joyously talking about your future and marriage. He only talking about marriage because you’ve given him an ultimatum.

I don’t think the prenup unreasonable. If you had posted that you were a business owner who built up a business individually and two year relationship considering marriage everyone would advise you get solicitor ,everyone

All the irrelevant waffle about youth ,beauty ,spontaneity ,body destroyed is catastrophic nonsense. He’s not stolen your youth, has not stolen your opportunity. you’re the driver of your own own life you make your own opportunity and if that includes marrying a man that you’ve got misgivings about then fair enough. So,all the catastrophic posts about he’ll steal your youth , destroy your body it could be said about him. He could say that he will have the burden of the primary wage owner, and the business owner having to support a family , also and that that will take a toll on health eg stress on his cardiac function ,increases suicide risk as a man with a business.

Catastrophic prediction As a result of marriage , all of this is hyperbole. Not sure why it’s being over laboured as an agenda.

He’s not want to marry you. You know that. But he will marry to seal the deal and have a family

Frankly, you’re mismatched. I’d walk away

It’s a difficult one OP - I agree not romantic, but I think becoming more common as people marry older and are more likely to have assets / inherit large sums of money.

What are the terms of it exactly? As really in law anything built after the point you get married is split anyway.

Fair enough. He also has his worries as you did with the out of marriage children.

I guess that you now know roughly what it felt like for him to be told that you wanted to be married for legal protection.

Given that's seems to be your primary goal in marriage, it seems sensible for him to consider his side of the legal contract of marriage, and look for similar legal protection.

It honestly doesn't sound like either of you are keen to marry because you actually want to be together forever. I think there's a reason that you are envious of how the prospect of marriage has been for your friends. You need to look at whether your marriage would be anything more than a legal contract. I'm not hearing anything from you that sounds like either of you are excited about this. Do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with him?

I don’t think it’s a lie. Until you’re married, the terms of marriage are always up for negotiation.

More women need to do this.

There is misinformation on this thread. A judge WILL be heavily guided by and largely uphold the terms of a pre-nUP IF both parties recieved independent advice and he/she considers the pre-nup broadly fair.

If OP’s partner intends to ring fence his assets and OP intends to take a cut in earnings to raise kids then the judge would not consider that fair.

OP don’t get married. It’s not recommended for women anyway, it doesn’t make us happier. Focus on your earnings, your career.

if you have children you don’t need ‘protection’ as long as you don’t compromise your earnings. So he has to do 50 percent of everything.

You want to protect yourself by getting married
He wants to protect his business with a pre nup
I'm not fully sure of the legalities in the UK but I can't see how you think it's any different from what you're asking of him
I'm not sure you're compatible tbh

I hope you’re right @nomas. Mainly the fact that he lied by omission when he proposed (or said yes to OP).

Marriage is a contract between 2 people. You wanted to treat it as a contract - you would only have children if you were married for financial reasons, he’s treating it as a contract - he will only get married if he can protect his assets.
Take the romantic notions out of it!

If he does truly care and is reasonable he will agree to pre nup terms that balance his and OP’s interests. I fear he won’t.

Given he has suggested OP her own lawyer to draft the agreement, why would you assume that?

So his agreement to marriage was meaningless - and included a huge lie of omission since he only brought up the pre nup later

It’s not a lie of omission. They have just got engaged, they’re not getting married tomorrow. Couples are allowed to bring things up.