Fiancé asking for a prenup

We all know how they work! Can you outline what happens if op has a severely disabled child that requires 247 care and how that works, because I have never seem a pre nup cover these eventualities and how they share the responsibility and costs.

You’re really missing the point. 50% of marriages end in divorce. 50% of children are not disabled. A prenup can contain whatever terms the couple agree. If she doesn’t like his terms and they can’t agree, she doesn’t have to sign it or marry him. And that inability to agree on what’s fair would be a really good indication of what would be likely to happen in the marriage anyway, with or without the prenup.

I think it’s fine that he wants to protect his business.

I’d assume that marital assets would be divided between you equally so that you/ any kids are in fact protected in the future and don’t end up like your friend- so again this could work in your favour.

The other stuff I think only you can work out.

Do you have any idea how a pre-nup works?

Especially one that will be drafted by a lawyer of OP’s choice? Therefore she can draft the terms?

No he isn't; he's asking her to give up the rights and protections that marriage confers.

Assuming your husband is never going to be pregnant any time soon and take rhe hit with his career he felt comfortable to make that decision because his life remains unaffected.

Very reasonable of him. I’m sure if you were the one with a business you wouldn’t want him to walk away with half of it in the event of a divorce? You’re taking this way too personally. Marriage is a legal/financial contract, you said so yourself! So why shouldn’t he ensure the terms of that contract are favourable?

🤦🏻‍♀️

Elektra has repeatedly explained how pre-nups work.

I don’t think any of you are unreasonable in your wants (you the marriage, him the prenup) - I think the actual problem here is that you know you had to force his hand into proposing.

Great. Because she didn’t have children it was easy peasy, lucky her.

He’s absolutely right. A pre nup to protect his business is 100% the right thing to do. A properly set up pre nup will hold up in court so long as it was entered into by both parties taking their own legal advice.

whether or not you should be marrying this person is a whole other matter.

i have substantial assets and a long term partner. No way on this earth would I risk them by getting married without a pre nup and he knows that

Yes, she was, because she wasn’t marrying for the money, had a decent job herself, and once the awful thing happened, she just wanted all the divorce admin done. Two years later she is thriving. Without the prenup they’d probably still be wrangling over finances now. They’d been together 10 years before they married. It was really horrendous what happened to her and how it affected her emotionally but at least she didn’t have to spend £50k+ and a year or more untangling their finances.

‘Providing for’ is a very, very loose term. We all know how much it costs to have children.

It’s not even just the financial cost, it is the emotional and physical labour and the responsibility for multiple decades that no pre nup can include. It’s becoming a single mother and dealing with everything alone that it won’t make provision for.

What happens if the child is severely disabled and op can’t work? I doubt the pre up covers a life time of earning capacity. It is a very flawed option for anyone considering children.

If his money wasn't the attraction you'd have zero issue signing a prenup.

I think a prenup is very sensible when one of the two has a business. It protects the business from possible bankruptcy in case of divorce but more importantly, it can protect the non business partner from financial debt if the business goes bust. I would insist on signing a prenup if my partner had a business. I’m marrying him, not his business and certainly don’t want to take in the financial burdens of a business I don’t own. Even if one decides not to want a prenup in such circumstances, one should definitely meet a solicitor to talk through the implications if the business goes bust during the marriage. Who is financially responsible etc. What can be done to make sure business issues don’t affect family money etc.

op, It sounds like want a romantic fairy tale wedding, which is fine but marriage is a contract and you would be stupid to sign a contract without making sure you’re protected if things go wrong. In this case, it’s not just about you and him, but you have to consider the business. That needs to be protected, and you need to be protected. Yes that’s legal work.

When we got married, almost 35 years ago, I was the one with a house and money. DH was a pauper when we met.

He suggested it to ringfence everything prior to marriage to me, and everything aftet as joint.

I can't see the issue of one party is significantly more wealthy than the other at a point in time, due to their personal efforts. It's fair, isn't it. In any event, it swiftly became academic for us as half of what DH has made post marriage is significantly more than I brought to it.

Exactly. Sorry about your friend but glad the upheaval was minimal. Was she glad there was an agreement?

Prenups have to provide for any children of the marriage. The lack of knowledge about what a prenup is, from people railing against them, is staggering

Quite. OP has issued an ultimatum. Those are her terms. A prenup is his requirement but somehow that makes him a terrible beast who plans to take advantage of her and treat her like a servant. It’s such lazy thinking

My point on this thread is that relationships shouldn't be hard work

"Make" or "persuade" the man to marry you by threatening to leave

Then he has to have HIS way (the pre nup). Another layer of hard work, when he's not hugely wealthy

What is the next layer of argument, discussion, hard work?

Fuck me I would NOT be bringing children into this sort of energy

Why don’t you just be done with it and bill him for every child produced let’s say £500,000. At least then your expenses are covered.

This is a very sad read op. You really do deserve much more than this man can offer you.

Throw this one back OP. It's not even about the pre nup, it's clear your gut is telling you this isn't right.

How do you know she has no financial security - have you read his proposed pre-nup?

I would feel exactly like you - I’m not sure you’ll ever be totally happy with this guy. I’d feel he doesn’t love me enough and it’s definitely not romantic.
Your comments about having children and how you or they can be damaged in the process is something I’ve never considered before but is an important point. Also you may have to give up work/pension for a myriad of reasons.
On the other hand he could be incapacitated in some way in the future.
We never know what’s around the corner so a pre-nup is a bit of an insult. Is it a deal breaker?

If you both had normal jobs, employed by a company etc this wouldn’t come up. He’s just looking after his ‘baby’ which in this case is a business he’s built up. If it’s a pre-nup based on this then it’s fine, him and his e employees aren’t affected by what happens in his marriage, so it’s actually taking stress away from the situation. In the same way you should put into the pre-nup about perhaps your pension? Just a thought!

And as for you feeling you’ve had to coerce him into marriage: you have. If you don’t like that feeling, then either don’t insist on marriage, or find someone who either has fewer financial interests to protect, or who is more “romantic” (aka financially stupid).