Fiancé asking for a prenup

Prenuptial agreements meeting the criteria I set out below are routinely upheld by the courts and have been ever since the decision of the Supreme Court in the Radmacher case in 2010

I think he’s in the right to protect his business in the event of divorce, and I’m afraid I find you the red flag that you object. Divorce happens, no one plans it, it doesn’t mean you will divorce, you may have a life long happy marriage, I’m sure you’re both going into it with that view.

but you wanting legal protection and objecting he wants the same doesn’t sit well with me. I’d tell him if you’re not willing to accept this, to end the relationship.

When I got divorced, my solicitor told me that even with those criteria met, the court can still decide on a different financial settlement, and a pre-nup is not enforceable, only a ‘relevant circumstance’.

2 years is still fairly early on so his suggestion isn't outrageous however I can understand how it feels to you.

If a divorce happens then there is a risk he could lose his business so he should think about it and mitigate risk. It's not just him, it's his employees who would be affected.

Go and talk to a solicitor, see how it shapes up. Like all contracts it should only be discussed again, if the relationship breaks down. As you brought up marriage early on he should have raised his requirement for a pre nup but I think it's reasonable.

This isn't a relationship where you're both happy with the arrangements. That in itself should be enough to tell you it's not for you. Doesn't matter what we think. Its what you think and feel that's important.

I have sympathy for him- he has built a business without you. He has 35 staff to take care of. He doesn’t want you to get part of it in a divorce. Not only would he lose his wife he’d also lose his business. Too much to risk.

Oh, and I forgot to add - what if he can't work? Are his assets "protected" while you look after the family?

"These are my requirements to secure my future. I need to know they are in place before we carry on this relationship."

"Really?"

"Yep. Otherwise I walk."

"Okay, I agree. And here are my requirements to secure my future. I need to know they are in place before we carry on this relationship."

"You are cold and unromantic, and it shouldn't be such hard work."

I made dh sign a prenup.

He had zero assets and I own my own home. I am not sacrificing my security should we split up.

We also had an agreement in place prior to marriage when he moved in to my house

He is right to protect wnat he has built up.

I asked for and got a prenup (am female) to protect my assets. More and more of my friends of both sexes are doing so.

From reading all your updates, I think the prenup is perhaps a red herring. What you are really unhappy about is having to persuade him to marry you.

I agree that he should be delighted to be marrying you, and you to him. I think that's the usual desired state of affairs.

I actually think this shows that he does love you. He wants to extend you the legal interests that you want and deserve, while acknowledging marriage isn’t in his best interests.

Anyone with a business should have a prenup, I’ve seen businesses end and jobs lost when it’s split between divorcing couples who can’t make any decisions together.

But he doesn’t have all the negotiating power here - you should be getting separate legal advice and making sure there is adequate provision for you (including additional provision if your body is ruined by childbirth) and your future children.

You wanted to get married for legal protections as you don’t trust him if you were to split. A very sensible approach. He just feels the same about you and so also wants legal protections in place if you split.

If anything, it means you can have that sensible discussion now while things are hopefully positive between you, instead of acrimoniously in a split which will negatively impact your children.

If you want whirlwind fairy tale romance, then this guy isn’t for you - if you want sensible practical foundations for a relationship and partnership, then he sounds like a catch.

I can relate to this OP. My husband owns a business which has been passed to him from family members who are still alive and clearly see it as a family business.

I said I would not have children unless married because I wanted to be able to make decisions about work prioritising what is best for our children, not prioritising needing to be financially independent. I would have gladly stayed with him unmarried and childless. A prenup would have contradicted this position entirely.

However this is all irrelevant. You sound like you feel totally unloved at this point and that’s not how you should go into a marriage.

You’re both entering marriage with a very pragmatic awareness that it could end, which gives the whole arrangement a slightly transactional feel. It’s a clear-sighted way to protect your assets, but I imagine this mindset may continue to shape your relationship.

Are you giving the same depth of thought to the life you’re building together?

I own a business. If I was to remarry I absolutely 100% would make sure it was protected. I haven’t built it from scratch, spent decades making it what it is, to give half of it away, to anyone, no matter how much I love them.
I would see a solicitor and add clauses you want to the prenup. I think as long as it precludes you ever owning any share in the business but provides financial protection for you in other ways (i.e. from the income from the business) it’s fine. I would not marry someone who wouldn’t agree to those terms, I’ve seen too many people, both men and women, get shafted in a divorce.

You wanted to be narried before having children for practical/legal resons, he wants a prenup for the same. Why does it make you sick in your stomach? I would defintely insist on signing a prenup if I were to get married 2nd time, and wouldn't have married a person who goes berserk at the sight of it.

Why would you want to push someone into marrying you that doesn't want to? Besides do you know one another well enough after only 2 years for all of this?

I'd look at the prenup as a way to ensure financial stability in divorce and keep any emotion out of it. Life happens and this is just one way of securing your future, and any children's.

They are legally enforceable provided that the criteria I set out below are met

If a woman here owned property and a business and her fiance didn't, everyone would be saying to protect these in thr event of marriage, if they had been built up before the relationship. So I think the concept is fair.

However I think you need to make sure that if you break up and you have children there is fair recompense. And make sure that all eventualities are covered. Bearing in mind that self employed men always seem to find a way to hide their earnings though share options etc and get away without paying maintenance. You need to make sure that any children and you have a place to live, assuming you have them the majority of the time. And that you don't get kicked out when they're 18. Also build in what happens if you have to (or you agree with your husband to) give up work because your child is ill or disabled or has SEN and can't go to a normal childcare setting. You don't want to end up having no job, but have signed away all your assets

But they aren’t legally enforceable? Therefore it will not hold the weight or certainty her partner wants it to.

Your posts are risible and become more exaggerated with each post.
How about he charge her, say, £500,000 for every time she gets pg. charge for his sperm
Maybe, charge the baby rent, say, £500,000 for Womb use.
Her expenses? What expenses will she incur solely? Given they will presumably live together,share utilities, eat food from their shared fridge.

This. Neither of you trust each other. Save yourselves a huge a amount of future hassle and find someone else.

Sounds like a toxic relationship from both sides

Not wanting children until being married isn't toxic, but I agree that the relationship sounds transactional.

I’m quite surprised by comments on this thread. I think that anyone who has built up assets would look to protect them surely? I do think it all sounds very transactional though and not very loving. I would also like to predict that when it comes to childcare it will be left to you as he has a very important job running a business and if you suggest a nanny he’ll say fine but you pay. I think there’s lots of things yiu need to be discussing op!

If you think prenup is "unromantic", you can't start imagining how "unromantic" a divorce might look.
Also, prenups are not legally enforceable in the UK the same way they are in the US.