Fiancé asking for a prenup

This poster is 100% right though. I am involved in the legal profession (well legal education now but many years experience of practice) and I would have said exactly the same. I hope YOU aren’t involved in the legal profession (or family law at least) with your comments that she should sign and not worry because it will not be worth the paper it’s written on in a few years.

I would leave him. A close friend of mine's sister signed a prenup in similar circumstances. The guy had a million and it was the 90s so worth more then than now. They had 3 kids and despite being employed and fulfilled, this woman tried to kill herself as she was so miserable in her marriage.

It's just never a good starting point. Its a starting point of dis-trust rather than trust and that's never going to go well.

True but op is asking opinions from her perspective. It’s not a punishment op has to endure because she insisted on being married before having kids for practical reasons.

It sounds like OP’s partner has reluctantly proposed marriage which should be highlighted to op as she is the one thinking enough about this relationship to ask on an anonymous forum, not her busy with important matters fiancée. Fiancée seems passive about everything other than his business, financial aspect of his life.

There is nothing about a prenup which doesn’t protect children’s interests. Please refer to my earlier posts.

If you want to be a Father, your instincts and priorities should be about protecting them not your business and money!

I have nothing against pre-nups in principle, as long as each party has truly independent legal advice and there is'nt a huge power imbalance. I don't believe that they have legal validity in the UK, but courts can take them into account. This is something you should discuss with a solicitor.

However, from the tone of your posts @Aquea , I would not be marrying or having children with this person. Children can turn even the best marriage upside down, and parents need to be on the same page to successfully raise kids. You sound like you feel insufficiently cherished. If this is the case two years in before you even have kids, bear in mind that it's not likely to get better. Sorry to be a downer, but it's better to be realistic. If you still want to marry him and have children with him, make sure that childcare (even split, payment, pension top ups for a SAHP etc) and potential solutions for catastrophic cases (disability due to birth trsuma etc) are included in the pre-nup. It won't be enforceable, but it'll make him consider your concerns, and what's good for the goose is good for the gander!

Make sure you see a solicitor of your choice (pref one with experience of representing women/potential mothers, experienced in divorce, family law), and see him/her alone. Your fiancé should not accompany you - he can give you his draft pre-nup ahead. Then you can give him your counter offer having seen your solicitor.

Personally, I would not want to marry a man who was keen for me to have children at my risk only (before marriage) but now wants a prenup to protect his business and pre-marriage assets. This type of man might also find it easy not to pay himself enough salary (due to "business difficulties") to pay CMS should that become necessary down the line. Think ahead, because he is.

He is protecting the 35 people he employs. Their lives and mortgages depend on them having a job. I understand its not the most romantic thing but if you were to divorce and he had to pay you half the business's worth the business would probably fold. That impacts lots of people who it really shouldn't.

He doesn’t actually want to get married. There is absolutely nothing in the information provided by the OP to suggest that he is going to behave in the way you describe. Nothing. She’s the one who wants to get married - to protect her financial interests. He wants to protect the business he’s built up, employing 35 people, so that in the event of divorce he doesn’t lose half of it (and put employees’ jobs at risk). That’s protecting his business’s (and his) financial interests. There is no difference whatsoever between their respective desires to protect their interests.

@Aquea i don’t think you are compatible and id reconsider staying with him .
You will be left holding the kids and struggling financially.

It sounds like the problem is not really the pre nup itself, but that you had to convince him into marriage and now this feels like another barrier.

My parents shared a business and couldn’t afford to get divorced, that has made me definitely want a prenup. I don’t believe in a 50/50 split because I’ve always had more assets than my partners. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry or that I’m planning to divorce, just that I’ve worked hard for my livelihood and don’t want to lose it to someone who wasn’t involved and probably doesn’t like me anymore at that point.

I can understand that it could feel quite unloving considering other people’s partners are desperate to marry them. But if you look at it from a business perspective, he didn’t want to marry because of his business, but he’s changed his mind for you and is overcoming barriers by putting together paperwork that can make the marriage happen

Yes. All of this. Are you engaged (sorry, can't scroll back and see)? I would call it off, personally.

I would also warn you op these types of men will never support you in illness or injury either, but they will expect five star nursing and mothering for themselves should they need it.

They only care about the bottom line. In your case your ‘use’ is providing dc, but they can often dispense of women that no longer serve a purpose to them ruthlessly quickly. You need to protect yourself carefully and avoid having dc with men that are not willing to fully commit but want the benefits of a relationship.

Why get married at all if you feel this level of contempt before you've entered a marriage? If you believe in assets more than the person you are marrying I don't think it is suited to you!

Personally I’d be happy to sign but I’d see a solicitor to get them to go through it all and explain all the legal implications to check it is ‘fair’ and that there’s no hidden surprises down the road. If I had a successful business/significant assets I’d of wanted one too and I’m confident my DH would’ve been fine to sign it.
You never know what the future holds and it’s always a good idea to protect yourself. If you would be fair in the event of a divorce anyway then I don’t see why it would be a problem to sign it now so he has that legal reassurance?
just my opinion though ☺️ x

Trust your gut. Is this REALLY the man you want to spend your life with? Have children with? Be joined to forever?

that is not unreasonable.

But you should never sign a pre-nup (or any contract) that doesn’t offer benefits to both (all) parties.

there was a similar thread recently, so I copy pasted the comment I wrote back then:

Where I’m from pre-nups can (and are) legally binding (as long as the necessary legal limits re content, the procedural legalities etc. are all properly observed). So this is my perspective on this:
A contract should benefit both (or all) parties involved.
Party A therefore should not agree to a contract that only protects Party B. That is non-sensical, completely one-sided and not a particularly auspicious start to a marriage (imo).
Which is why you your DD needs your her own attorney (absolutely not joint representation or simply being advised by her fiancé’s attorney). You She and your her fiancé (who decided to emphasise the economic aspects of marriage) ought to compare this to a joint venture agreement. You They’re merging your their assets and financial futures and both need to be protected.

A lot of men on this thread op. Watch out for very poor advice.

Tell me you don't know about divorce and family courts without telling me you don't know about divorce and family courts.

I really hope you're not involved in the legal profession.

I suspect he doesn't really want to get married. Sorry @Aquea

If you have to push him this hard then he's got some serious doubts.

He's very sensible to get a prenup for his business and its possible he's getting advice from another source.

I don't think this situation will work out long term. It really shouldn't be this hard if you both want to spend the rest of your life together.

I think two years is a short relationship. What is the rush OP. Are you able to wait another couple of years to marry? Pre-nups can be used in the UK. I think they are a great idea and I’d want one if I were the OPs partner.

Aquea · Today 00:37
Fiancé and I ended up discussing finding a solicitor for me over dinner today. And it just made me feel sick to my stomach.

Is that because he didn't sleep walk into giving you ''legal protection''. Now you've got the proposal but maybe not a pot of gold if it goes belly up. Not surprised you feel sick. Didn't go how you wanted did it?

You're planning a divorce that protects his current position and that makes you feel sick? Perhaps you ought to look at why not being able to fleece him for his pre existing assets in the future is so unpalatable to you.

So you do not want a pre nup to protect yourself financially
Same as your BF

I think this is a sign you’re rushing into marriage before you’re both ready.

Marriage and children are a lifelong legal and financial commitment. If you need to sign contracts to protect yourselves from those commitments, you aren’t ready to be married.