Fiancé asking for a prenup

If he is insisting on this then you need to work it in your favour so you and your future children are financially protected above and beyond what a court might award in the event of divorce. You can also insist on a stipend or shared finances during maternity leave / time as a fulltime mother.

he is literally doing the same as you though? Getting married gives you some protection in terms of provision for your children if you divorce and that is right.

Having a prenup gives him (and his employees) protection from you taking half of it if you divorce. And that is right too.

Get an independent lawyer, make sure the prenup is fair and then sign or throw him back.

Well you'd be a fool to try walking away with half his business. His accountant will advise him to get into debt and produce a minus balance sheet.

What you would need is maintenance from him. Is he trying to dodge this?

Why are you so triggered to suggest op find a person as poor as herself? Are you from a union?

I don't think the prenup is the issue. You both want children, but you don't want to do it without being married and he is reluctant to get married, but still wants children without a commitment.

Personally, I don't understand why he would want children without a firm commitment. Does he want to option to walk away if family life is not as dreamy as he hopes it will be?

A prenup is fine, but I would not trust a man with his attitude around children and a lack of commitment. I don't think he is either father material or husband material.

If you really want children, find a man with better morals.

How old are you Op? Are you desperate to be married because clock is ticking? Why have you agreed to do something which is making you sick to the stomach?

You clearly don't like the idea of a business man protecting both his own pre-existing assets and also possibly the livelihoods of 35 employees, despite laying down demands of your own.

I think he's being extremely sensible and not at all unreasonable. I note that a family solicitor up-thread thought the same.

Here's an idea... Instead of burdening yourself with all this emotional turmoil and histrionics, why don't you find yourself some bloke who's as poor as you. That instantly removes the problem for you.

Perhaps now but I don't think it was that uncommon then (90s) if you were fairly well off, I had friends where the Dad behaved similarly.

Again another poster, who is here to feel validated for her choices rather than focusing on OP.

Op there are men out there that would love to marry you, will happily commit properly and will cherish you until you are old and grey and be a wonderful father to your children. They do exist. I wonder why you are choosing this route? Almost depriving yourself of real love and security?

I would end this relationship/transaction.

Go into counselling and discover why you have put up with this for two years. He is not a good man, he isunlikely to ever do the right thing by you or his future children. You know this. Have your happy ending, it won’t be with him though.

Why are posters advocating for OP’s partner? Is it to feel validated their own feelings on matter?

Her fiancee is not the one who is worried enough to create a post.
Op has doubts about this relationship, and if this early on they are not 100% sure about each other, why are they getting married?

Women are screwed up more because only they can give birth to children and usually are the main care giver for the children. So this gaslighting of op that she wanted to marry for securing her future is not required.

Fact is OP’s fiancée didn’t want to marry and has reluctantly said yes. Op is feeling insecure already.

That’s good of your dad. I have never met anyone who had anything other than a very negative experience financially in divorce, me included, and I know a lot of divorced people. So I’d say the “good guys” are the minority.

I don't understand your response at all. After the first five years, when we had two tinies, he'd have been responsible for their upkeep and assets since the day of the marriage wpuld have been equitably split, with my assets pre marriage secured for me.

Having children was part of our overall plan and I was very willing to have them, and due to his success post marriage for which the foundations were laid before marriage, I had the absolite privilege of being at home with the children for theor first seven years.

I’m a litigator. I do a lot of shareholder disputes. Fairly often, there is a divorcing husband and wife involved and the wife (it’s usually the wife in these scenarios but not always) wants half the shares in the business. That means that the company has to be valued first, and then the husband has to come up with the money to buy her out. If the business is successful, this can mean a lot of money. Quite often, the husband can’t raise that money because his only real asset is his own interest in the business.

So (depending on pre-emption rights), the wife might sell to a third party, or decide to remain a shareholder herself. In a scenario where the shareholders in the company do not agree on how it should be run, this can lead to significant legal disputes (where I come in).

Good news for litigators, bad news for the people who built and work in the business.

I agree 💯

But that’s how you think. Op belongs to a different school of thought. And for op, this marriage won’t be good. Someone like you is a better match to OP’s partner.

Op is having doubts early on and she should not be asked to dismiss her intuitions because someone else might have felt differently in the relationship. This is not for OP.

Do they? I'm not sure everyone goes on the premise of maximising their financial position aka having an advantage over your soon to be expected, some may work for a more balanced and amicable split - for the sake of the children and wanting the best for them which includes your ex's wellbeing. My parents divorced and my Dad paid well over the recommended child maintenance acknowledging what was best for all of us in that difficult time.

I almost feel like ive had to push him to marry me.

And are you entirely happy to enter into a marriage knowing that, OP?

FWIW I think you've been very sensible in wanting marriage before children, but then he's being sensible in protecting his position too, so I could live with this but not with knowing I'd had to prod him into something which a man who truly loved you would do of his own accord

''prenups are not automatically legally binding in UK'' says google.

I was going to suggest something like this, ie get a pre-nup that works in your favour, OP?

It’s really made me feel shit. Like I can’t be trusted.

the thing is you can’t be trusted. I’ve seen so many marriages that have broken down because the partners just can’t communicate anymore. No one’s particularly more at fault than the other objectively but the couple involved just can’t communicate anymore no longer be reasonable to each other. And they’re perfectly reasonable in other aspects of their life but literally they cannot be trusted to see straight with each other.

it might not happen to you, you might stay together for ever, or you might part amicably. But whilst you can communicate with each other why not protect yourselves from this situation?

alternatively if you can’t communicate with each other now then you’ve got no chance.

You made your relationship transactional by insisting on marriage first, not because you are in favour of the principles behind it but because you, understandably, want security.

He’s simply doing the same.

There have been many threads on here in the past of women in your partner’s situation being told to protect their assets before getting married. This is no different.

I honestly don’t think it’s the same thing at all. He says, let’s have kids. She says, if we’re going to take that big step, let’s promise to (try to) love each other always and share life’s up and downs, including our worldly goods. He says, sure, you share your goods but I won’t share mine.

I don’t see the point of marriage if you don’t intend to create an economic unit. If a woman friend said she wanted to marry but protect her assets, I’d wonder why she didn’t just want to live with the fellow, especially in England where you don’t have de facto marriage.

And if it’s for religious reasons, the Christian marriage service is very clear about the sharing part.

Also, joint ownership of a business doesn’t mean the business must close on divorce. If the business is well run with a sensible partnership or shareholders’ agreement, those 35 employees need never know the difference.

There is nothing wrong in two people protecting their future individually, they should not get married. For marriage to work, there needs to be some leap of faith and commitment. Marriage is not enforced by the state. Don’t marry, simple.
I mean the same logic can be given for other things in marriage, shit happens in a lot of marriages but that does not mean you should start planning Plan B from start.

This is supposed to be the romantic honeymoon stage before kids, as delightful and magical as it’s ever gonna get. You don’t sound exactly swept off your feet.

I think it’s not really the prenup, just another thing in the list of things where you don’t feel cherished. If neither of you were into marriage that would be fine, but it’s clearly important to you so you seem incompatible.