Page 3 | Do you give her Dc a present for an outstanding school report

Wheresmatty · 20/11/2025 07:29

Mine don’t get gifts or money for good grades but they do get them for good effort - if they were to get a report that said they’d got outstanding grades but they were nasty, rude and disruptive then of course not. If they were to get one where their grades weren’t so good but their effort, kindness and enthusiasm were first class then yes, they would.

Dancingsquirrels · 20/11/2025 07:17

HoppityBun · 19/11/2025 00:06

Absolutely not. All the research shows that children - well, people generally- who are incentivised by extrinsic motivators do less well in the long run, are unwilling to take risks because they focus only on doing what gets the reward and they lose interest in the subject matter. They are also less able to cope when they don’t do well.

Focus on the enjoyment of learning and your interest in them as people in their own right. You could ask “did you enjoy the work?”

💯

We praised effort and hatd work, not results

Sartre · 20/11/2025 07:13

Just say well done. I don’t really think every achievement needs a monetary reward, praise is enough.

AliTheMinx · 20/11/2025 05:49

I usually take him out for dinner or let him choose a takeaway as a treat.

XWKD · 20/11/2025 05:19

No. I think it puts pressure on them or rewards them for the wrong reasons.

Hereweka · 20/11/2025 04:40

Not gifts but maybe a nice lunch

DeadsoulsAngel · 20/11/2025 03:50

littlebilliie · 19/11/2025 06:09

These results belong to her not you so by giving her a gift you are changing the value. We never did this, what happens next year if it’s poor , not give her anything and pile on the failure

No, good school reports are expected and not unusual or needing rewards here. What ‘good’ looks like also depends on the child. 7/8’s would be low for my son, I’d be gently enquiring if there’s an issue somewhere. For my daughter (now at uni) 7/8’s would have been normal/good. Kids always get lots of praise for effort of course. I don’t ‘reward’ exam results either but we do have treats in the holidays, randomly etc and for any specific special moments. Both kids are v happy with their lots 😀

JustMe2026 · 20/11/2025 03:12

We've always taken them to a fav restaurant and had a nice family meal also regardless of grades aslong as they worked hard etc as 2 of our tribe are autistic so quite often don't do super well while the rest do reallt well..to us it's the effort they all put in

elliejjtiny · 20/11/2025 01:27

Mine get a hug and a "well done, proud of you".

EddyNeddy · 20/11/2025 01:15

No. Our daughters have both left school now, but one was a straight A* student who got glowing reports every time, while the other found school harder and got more mixed reports. It definitely would not have helped sisterly relations in our household if we rewarded DD1 with a gift every time and not DD2, who already had a pretty significant inferiority complex despite our best efforts.

Ozmumofboys3 · 20/11/2025 01:09

Yes we give a reward for excellent results, not if they achieve it all the time but if they’ve made an extra improvement in a subject we do.

TowerRavenSeven · 19/11/2025 21:07

No. Doing well was the reward.

Ketzele · 19/11/2025 21:05

No, never. And I'm glad I didn't because dd1 sailed through effortlessly and went off to uni, while dd2 struggled terribly and is set to get no GCSEs. It would have really rubbed salt in the wound.

LBFseBrom · 19/11/2025 20:29

neveragainforreal · 19/11/2025 15:18

We sometimes give a present at the end of the year for good effort (never the results, it is the effort). It is never promised beforehand, and we decide if and what to give. It is not happening in relation to any grades, as we want to celebrate the effort.

I don't want the effort put in to be dependent on any gifts. And a lesser grade in a subject they struggle with, in many cases means more to me as a parent, than the highest grade in a subject they sail through with little effort.

That sounds about right, reward for effort.

I think a gift for passing a big exam is in order. I remember getting a record player for passing my 11+ (after that it was downhill all the way :-) ).

RightOnTheEdge · 19/11/2025 15:19

No, I just say well done, I'm really proud of you, I hope you're proud of yourself etc.
I've never given money.
Mine are yrs 8 and 10.

neveragainforreal · 19/11/2025 15:18

We sometimes give a present at the end of the year for good effort (never the results, it is the effort). It is never promised beforehand, and we decide if and what to give. It is not happening in relation to any grades, as we want to celebrate the effort.

I don't want the effort put in to be dependent on any gifts. And a lesser grade in a subject they struggle with, in many cases means more to me as a parent, than the highest grade in a subject they sail through with little effort.

Icebabyice · 19/11/2025 15:12

God no! Having a good report is reward in itself. They do well for themselves not for us. We talk about how the report makes them feel not how we feel.

Swiftie1878 · 19/11/2025 15:08

Yes. Always.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 19/11/2025 15:03

No. The reward for a great report is basking in the glow of having received positive feedback. The reward for good grades is the sense of pride in your achievements.

HeddaGarbled · 19/11/2025 14:59

Yes.

I reward myself if I’ve achieved something as well.

TheaBrandt1 · 19/11/2025 14:54

No but we might go out for a meal as a family to celebrate and say well done.

Tillow4ever · 19/11/2025 14:52

Generally no - not any sort of gift. However, when my youngest son last year had the absolute best parents evening I had ever been to out of our 3 children (and all 3 were very academic) I told him how proud I was to hear of how kind and thoughtful he had been (so focus on the behaviour rather than his results) and asked if he would like to choose our dinner that evening as a “reward”.

Ted27 · 19/11/2025 14:35

I used to take my son out for a pub dinner after parents evening.
Saved me the hassle of cooking/washing up and we got to spend some time together having a good chat instead of usual evening routine.
My son had a lot of difficulties to overcome, he always worked hard, tried his best with everything and deserved a small treat.

Ddakji · 19/11/2025 14:34

In secondary school, yes, we have. She lost a lot of confidence in her first few years.

SophiaSW1 · 19/11/2025 14:31

Rewarding good results for smart kids is not good as it usually requires little effort.