AITA for not helping a friend?

Unfortunately the only way I think you could try to see her point of view is by being self absorbed inconsiderate twit like her. I mean seriously, blanking you because you wouldn’t drop everything late at night messing around on a 45 minute trek because she’s too immature to deal with a spider. Never felt so alone? Utterly childish. She needs to grow the fack Up.

She obviously wanted OP to get up and drive over but was pissed off she suggested she wake up her fucking cats. Sack her off OP.

I have a massive fear of spiders. I’ve gotten better in that I can cope with the spindly leg ones you see (although I do have to vacuum them up if they’re in the bedroom - sorry). The massive ones that my mum always told me were field spiders (I’ve since learnt they’re house spiders) scare the shit out of me and I can’t even vacuum them up I’m so scared. I certainly couldn’t just ignore one once I’ve seen it not be terrified when I no longer know where it is. Even I wouldn’t phone a friend and ask them to come over to get rid of it for me - not even if they lived next door, it was a sociable hour and they had no commitments at home etc. I would work something out (ideally dropping something big and heavy on it).

your “friend” is unreasonable, not you. And I am massively sympathetic to her fear because it makes me sick to my stomach (as a kid, my dad locked me in our pub’s bottle store that was full of them with the light turned off because I was afraid to go in there - fairly certain that did not help me at all).

I think you’ve done yourself a favour of getting rid of this lunatic out your life.

It's hardly a drip feed! The OP literally says:

"We’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve gone every time she’s asked me previously"

I think she is unreasonable to have gone more than once, but she didn't create a situation where the friend relied upon her, that's entirely on the friend for making requests that any human with a braincell can see is ridiculous and OTT!

She's being outrageous. How dare she be annoyed you didn't jump out of bed for such a ridiculous reason. I wouldn't even wake up my DH for a spider.

She is pathetic and entitled. Never help her again as your reasons were perfectly valid and she was being a diva.

You should have told her she wasn’t alone. She had a guest 😂

I assume this was the UK and therefore it was a solitary house spider, not a room full of oversized tarantulas? YWNBU.

Oh for this to be one's biggest problem in life!

Edited: clearly she wasn't alone: she had the spider for company!

I'd love to know how she's berating her cats for having the audacity to be asleep on spider duty!

I don't like spiders, and I admit I have gone around to my neighbour and asked if he could come and deal with it. Living in a wooded area, the spiders are huge, and hairy. However, this person was my neighbour, I didn't call a friend at 10 pm at night, expect them to drive 15 minutes to me and back home again. As much as I dislike spiders, I wouldn't have dreamt of doing this. I've never knocked on my neighbours door at that time of night, and wouldn't unless it was an actual emergency. You weren't unreasonable at all. You've been to work all day, have an unwell child and barely any sleep. Your friend is being dramatic and unreasonable. I wouldn't try engaging with her any more, if she wants to fall out with you over a spider, then that's on her, not you.

I don't even care if she's properly arachnaphobic for this one, she's so obviously bang out of order for even asking you to drive a 45 minute round trip for a fucking spider, let alone at that time of night when you have a child and an early start, that it's a VERY simple case of The Absolute Audacity!

She needs to get herself a humane spider catcher*, some spider deterrent, and a bloody good head wobble.

*Okay FINE, if she is actually properly phobic this might not be an option. I get the impression that this isn't the case though...

Never felt so alone in her life over a spider?! 🕷️ 😂

She wanted you to get out of bed late night, leave your husband and an ill toddler, drive on little sleep 45" to kill a fucking spider for her?

And she's pissed off and sulking that you didn't?

What a fucking idiot.

Consider this a lucky escape

I never cease to be amazed at what passes for 'friendship' on MN!

You didn’t have to explain all those extra details about getting up early and having a toddler etc. If you were a childfree retired millionaire it’d still be unreasonable of her.

In the nicest way possible, more fool you OP. Why would you even entertain someone who was selfish enough to ask that of you?

She sounds like a spoilt child, the cats wouldnt have complained if she picked them up and put them next to a spider in their jammies! Silent treatment would kill the relationship for me,

My exSIL once rang me at 7am to ask me to come over to get a spider . She came and picked me up and it was just up a few streets. She said she couldn't go to work not knowing what she had to comeback to . I was a bit put out but to be fair when I got there and saw it , it was absolutely MASSIVE !

My next door did this at nearly midnight, told her to hoover it up. I'd removed a few prior to that but after refusing she didn't ask again. People take the piss.

Your friend is putting the emotional guilts on you, that's not a mark of a good friend. Up to you, but I'd steer clear if I were in your shoes and concentrate on real, normal adult friends not big kids!

Phobias aside, grown adults who make a huge fuss over tiny harmless creatures are what the kids might call 'Reeee DICK!' IMHO. And no. You're not being unreasonable.

Well that was a bit of a drip feed OP. You have enabled her in this behaviour.

YANBU to not go over there, but YABU for creating the situation where she relies on you.

Same! And I still wouldn’t consider asking a friend to come over regarding this