AITA for not helping a friend?

Why are people so needy these days. I am 53 and wouldn't dream of phoning anybody at any time of the day let alone late at night to come and get a spider (or anything else for that matter). Adults deal with shit, it's part of being a grown up. Let this one die the death OP, she's made a rod for her own back now anyway.

I have been dealing with spiders alone for two decades She needs to get a grip!

It can be very deskilling relying on partners. I have learned to man up massively.

Hold up! She wouldn't disturb her precious pussy, but will disturb you ... screams volumes ... drop this selfish twat.

She is batshit crazy if she can't see she's in the wrong!

YANBU.
She is a feckin drama queen-and I am saying that as someone who is absolutely terrified of spiders (illogical I know, but it's real to me). I would NEVER expect someone to get out of bed and come and get rid of an eight-legged freak for me!
She has overstepped the mark and you need to establish some boundaries with her-if the friendship even continues.
Honestly, I'd kick her into touch.

Don't doubt yourself. This is utterly ridiculous and yes, I'm not saying it's your fault but you did bring it upon yourself by doing this for her many times before (although not at 10:00 at night not when you wouldn't get home until 11:00, not when you have to get up for work in 6 and 1/2 hours and you have a sick child at home).
For Pete's sake it's a freaking harmless spider in her bathroom it's not like it's hovering above her face in the bedroom and even if it was, this isn't australia, the spiders aren't going to kill you. Yes I know I know. Phobias. You're not being sensitive to people phobias. You know what, I have phobias. And I have never asked anyone to do something like this for me.
If I had a phobia about spiders and I was too afraid to go into the bathroom because there was a spider in there, I would literally pee in a cup overnight (if I had to pee and there was no second bathroom). I wouldn't call my friend over to come get the spider for me.

Your friend is being unreasonable, 99% of people polled said that you are not at fault here. Your friend has to be a big girl and deal with excessively minor problems herself and she can stop giving you the silent treatment and the guilt treatment or else you can pull back from the friendship because it sounds like you're giving more than you're getting and she's being manipulative.

It wasn’t about the spider, she wanted your attention. I was fed up of her by the time I’d read your post. She sounds exhausting and needy. You don’t need friends like that.

Is this actually a wind-up? On what planet do you expect your friend to come to your house to catch a spider, let alone get up out of bed and drive a 30minute round trip to do it. I’d think she was fucking unreasonable if she lived next door to you. Is she 11 years old? She sounds utterly exhausting and completely self-absorbed.

I have sympathy, too, and I have a deepseated phobia of something most people do without a second thought, but my phobia is mine to deal with. It is no one else’s problem to resolve and it’s certainly not anything I allow to discommode other people.

Shes only your friend if you come round at 10pm for spider hunting? There will be literally hundreds in her house, that all want to ignore her as much as you should.

It was too late for her cats to get up and eat the spider but not too late for you to get up and leave your toddler to do it?!?! Shes an entitled CF

I have genuine sympathy as people can't help phobias, but if someone had one that's so bad it's affecting their life, they need to get help. Fine if it's a phobia of flying say, and the person can just choose not to fly, but if it's something that they can't avoid, like spiders, they need help. She shouldn't be mad with you, she's probably actually mad at herself, but this can't go on if it's affecting her, and her relationships.

Never in a million years would I call a friend at that time to drive to my house for anything let alone a spider! I hate them, however if I had to deal with it I would, I would never ask someone else, particularly at that time of night.

She’s being pathetic you aren’t her servant at her beck and call, I wouldn’t get in touch with her again for going in a huff over that.

I don’t like spiders so got one of those spider catchers.

I find it a bit weird that she didn’t want to disturb her cats, but was cool with disturbing you.

Her cats couldn’t be disturbed but you could! Says it all really.

She's not a friend.

Geeezzzz this reminds me of when we were kids back in the 1950s. We lived in a 2 up 2 down terrace with an outside loo at the bottom of the yard. And yes there were often spiders. BIG ones! They never bothered me but my sister was terrified of them. She would ask me to go before her to see if there were any around but I refused to kill them, I used to pick them up in a cup and throw them on the little strip of garden we had. And I refused entirely to go down there in winter unless I needed the loo myself. One time I saw a big hairy one in the corner of the seat and said nothing. Next time my sister went out she saw it, screamed, and fled back to the house with her knickers half way down. I dont know what happened to the spider.

She sounds a bit unhinged to be honest you're not her boyfriend but she is treating you like you are.

I’m terrified of spiders but no, you are not unreasonable at all. She called you at 10pm, expected you to do a 45 min round trip then get up at 5:30am for work. You’re already running on empty as you have been caring for a poorly child. The only person being unreasonable is her. I understand she is going through a lot, but using that to guilt trip you is not OK. Personally, I’d leave her to that because it’s not worth your energy. I wouldn’t bring it up again but I would still check in on her to see how she is. If she keeps ignoring you, then leave her to reach out to you.

If she is so scared of spiders then should some kind of therapy/treatment to help her.

Otherwise buy her a can of RAID.
🕸️🕷️💣
Works on most insect pests and creepy crawlies.

I personally like Spiders and find them fun and entertaining

Hi op sorry but she’s being a drama lama who the fuck does this? You chose yourself and she didn’t like it. That’s her problem not a great friend if she’s acting like a 2 year old. If she wasn’t so entitled she would have heard you out but if you want to keep her friendship I would give her space see if she comes around as her struggle with her dad might be making her more sensitive. Going forward it’s a no to spider catching there are all sorts of things she can use herself.

Yeah, you need another friend to put up with that…

Sounds like a blessing to me

Absolute joke .. tell her to get over herself .

I've got a significant phobia of spiders and no way in a million years would I expect anyone to drive to my house to deal with one for me! Your friend is ridiculous.

Also, not being willing to get her cats out of bed?! Fucking hell.

Your friend was ridiculous to not be able to sort out the issue somehow herself.

This make me think of "I'm a Celeb". I'm scared of spiders and bugs, and would hate to have even one spider on me. I just don't understand how people can cope with thousands of spiders, cockroaches, mealworms, etc on them