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Original poster

Embarrassed about grief oversharing and being ignored

30 replies

MegsDancer · 18/11/2025 15:55

So recently I lost a friend in quite unique circumstances - see previous thread if necessary, it was via assisted dying.

I spent the first week grief stricken, more than expected. During this time my friend of 20+ years messaged some light hearted thing and I essentially said 'look, sorry...I've just had a bereavement.'

He sent hugs, said he was happy to listen and help where he could. So feeling safe to share I told him the details (ie. it was assisted dying, I said goodbye last weekend and I'm now supporting his partner through it).

This was several days ago and he's ignored it. I feel upset that I overshared during a very raw moment just to have my feelings ignored. Am I wrong? Should I have kept the details vague? Wish I'd said nothing beyond 'bereavement'.

OP posts:
Original poster
MegsDancer · 18/11/2025 16:11

@YourXYourY I'm torn because on one hand I agree with you - I sort of feel like he's a dick for not replying. Where does friendship go from there?

And yet we've been friends 20+ years. So I don't want to drop him. But I feel like how you react to both the happy and sad moments in a friend's life matters.

OP posts:
KneelyThere · 18/11/2025 16:10

I’ve Yabu as I think you just have to let it go. Perhaps he really doesn’t have enough experience to sympathise - some people freeze up when other people confront them with strong emotions.

It is very common when you’re bereaved to get angry over things in a way you wouldn’t normally. I’d leave it a few weeks before replying

YourXYourY · 18/11/2025 16:05

I am sorry for your sad loss. Losing people in unusual circumstances can make grief worse.

I actually think your friend is a dickhead. He asked you for details and then didn’t respond to such an emotional message. Of course he could have. He just is avoiding doing so. I can’t bear people like that.

Original poster
MegsDancer · 18/11/2025 16:03

@Zimunya thank you.

it wasn't easy for me to express what had happened either. I am upset that he left me hanging like that. Adding the shame of feeling like I overshared isn't helpful to my grief either I know.

OP posts:
Zimunya · 18/11/2025 15:59

@MegsDancer - I'm so sorry for your loss. You didn't overshare, though. Your friend said he was happy to listen. Clearly he wasn't. That's on him, not you. People deal with grief in different ways. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you don't deal with it, it affects you mentally and physically for many years. Don't be embarrassed. Grieve your friend. You're allowed to be sad. People who don't get that are dicks. Look after yourself.