Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

Could you meet your friend for a drink Christmas eve or boxing day at a local pub? If that's not your scene then I agree with others to keep Christmas day just the four of you but give Sheila a bit of time another day.

I agree with this. And I bet your children will change their tune once they have a boyfriend/girlfriend that they want to bring home for Christmas. All of a sudden “ a stranger” in the house won’t matter.
Your children sound unbelievably selfish and I say this as someone who is an introvert who struggles to chat to people I don’t know well

Oh give over.

You sound like a horrible mum. You’ve made your children sound selfish and entitled so that everyone could back you up and praise you for wanting to take Sheila in, just to turn around and explain why your children are so against it. I suggest you take a look in the mirror and decide if this is the type of person you want to be.

It’s entirely against the spirit of Christmas to tell grieving and upset children you’ll do one thing, just to turn around and do another.

I agree with the compromise plans invite her at a time that won’t affect them. I think inviting her for Christmas proper is too much.

As an aside all this “PJs” talk I find really weird! Wearing pyjamas for the whole of Christmas Day?! We dress up can’t imagine wearing nightwear like I was ill or something

It’s entirely against the spirit of Christmas Not to invite Sheila. The no room at the inn vibe is mean. It’s your role as a parent to show your kids how to do the right thing in life. If I were you I would overrule them because they are acting selfishly

i agree with this plan

Do something nice with Sheila 23rd, then spend the 3 days over Christmas with your DC, relaxed and together.

You really hung your kids out to dry here when you're the one breaking your promise to them.

That's a sucky way to support getting your way.

Maybe next year you can have the more the merrier Xmas that you want.

Unless they are your children, or the OPs children?

Lots of virtue signalling hypocrisy on this thread

Have you even asked your friend what her plans are.
Maybe she wants to stay home and get drunk on Baileys and cry about her miserable year.
You don't know what type of headset she's in,you could be looking at a repeat of last year.

You asked your kids they said no,that should be the end of it.
You should keep your promise from last year.

Your kids are selfish.
Perhaps ask them to reflect on what Christmas is meant to be about.

I think if you insist on inviting the friend this time, in future the kids might no longer feel they need to come for family Christmas if they have a better offer. It’s either special family time of it’s not.

I think they are being unkind but in my first year abroad, I was invited to Christmas by an expat lady and her adult dcs made me feel so uncomfortable and awkward it spoiled the day. I would rather have sat at home alone.

You are a lovely friend to be considering Sheila. Could you go for a Boxing Day walk with her in the morning before your meal out? And then see her properly at New Year (or inbetween).

Lots of people I know survived and thrived doing a med degree, including in my family, and would be laughed out of town if they protested visitors at home because they needed two weeks to recover from the year. They are adults - are they going to be bustling around helping? Cutting carrots and vacuuming floors and getting our plates and washing dishes? If not, what makes these adults think they can go off to live their student lives, come home and do nothing and dictate to their mum? I’d invite her round on one of those days, since i suspect the dc won’t have done much of the work I’d pointedly say adults who have had an entire Christmas hosted fro them while they don’t even have to get dressed should be a bit more gracious to the woman who’s done all the work don’t you think? Don’t I deserve to do something I want as well or are you the only people in this house that count?

What are you talking about a drunken MIL for? The OP’s MIL is dead, and her SIL was diagnosed with the same condition that killed her mother and got drunk last Christmas.

I’d be ashamed at my inability to read all the OP’s posts before opening my mouth, to be honest. Or did you read that their grandmother died on Christmas Day a few years ago and think, well, they can just suck that up?

This differs from the other thread in 2 important ways. Firstly, OP had already promised her DC a family only Christmas, after a disastrous one last year. Secondly, her DC are "coming home". They are at UNI, but I imagine they still see this as their real home.
I would keep Christmas Day for your family unit OP, but not let the dictate Boxing Day. Could you meet your friend for a nice walk /watch the boxing day dippers/visit her, what ever you enjoy doing together?

Also, they are having you on that uni is sooo tiring it takes a week to recover. They just want a few days being coddled by mum. Which is fine, but tip toeing round because they’ve had a few all night parties is a bit ridiculous.

What does Sheila want?

Personally I find it hard to believe any uni term finishes on the 23rd December, I also don't think uni is that tiring that they can't possibly deal with someone 2 days after term finished.

Your DC are adults, and whilst I appreciate they have reasons for wanting to be alone on Xmas they can deal with them for one day. Sheila being there doesn't mean they can't be in PJs. Seeing very drunken adults is not that scarring for an 18+ Yr old. Doing uni exams is really not that exhausting

So many people being horrible to the poor kids too. I wonder if OP routinely does this? Overreacts and makes them out out to be brats

My parents, back in the day, always invited friends/relatives they knew would be alone. I did the same, and now my adult kids follow suit.

None of us tried to dictate to the hosts who would be invited.

It’s Christmas - a supposed time of good will. 🤷‍♀️

perhaps sheila could come boxing day, or christmas eve