Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

I must admit I did wonder when I saw this mentioned. My kids at that age would have still been pissing themselves a year later at being served undercooked turkey and people getting hammered. I suppose we’re all different but it’s hardly the end of the world. My daughter invited us for Christmas lunch one year and it was so comical, the time kept getting pushed back and back and back (by hours, she underestimated the work involved I think) and we were literally starving by the time we ate and the younger kids were saying every 5 minutes ‘we’re hungry.’. Me and my OH still laugh about it, it’s hardly the end of the world. Some people are more resilient (damaged 😂) than others.

OP you sound quite defensive but if you had put the detail in your original post you wouldnt have got so many skewed answers.

You havent even clarified if Sheila even wants to do to Christmas dinner with another family- you dont even know if this is something she even wants! As far as we know, Sheila might be lonely as hell OR she might be absolutely fine having Christmas on her own and may well decline any invitation from you. It's all very nebulous.

This would be a values thing for me. I’d invite my friend for Christmas lunch and tell the kids they have Xmas eve, xmas morning to lounge around but you will have guests.

I would just say this is who we are as a family - but then again we did invite a ukrainian refugee to stay despite the kids protestations and guess what it was fine and they got over it.

Is it worth floating the idea of doing next year's Christmas a little differently? Maybe asking them if they'd like to bring a friend to Christmas dinner too. It sounds like this year isn't the right year but that doesn't mean it's something they couldn't get used to.

It’s not unreasonable at all to prioritise your dc especially under the circumstances and when you have already promised to do just that. It’s your prerogative to ask for advice and then make your own mind up. You know the situation best. There will always be posters who don’t agree and who want to argue their point.
Please don’t agonising over your friend who to whom you can dedicate your full attention and time, on an alternative date. Just let her know when you want to invite her and make it special. She no doubt needs her own recovery time with her own memories to help her heal. I’m sure it will be fine.

So why did you not mention gran died two years ago?

My mother did not actually have friends she had people she used for personal gain and she would choose them over her kids every single time.

I would offer to meet Sheila on Christmas Eve/Boxing Day, the dog walk is a good idea. Maybe offer to take over some food if she's alone and not planning on going to too much trouble cooking.

I think you probably won't have too many more Christmases where both DC will both be home at the same time without partners, so I would respect that they don't want to spend Christmas Day with a stranger.

And the hyperbole. My uni kids would be able to get over a drunk turkey-free Xmas pretty quickly and not be traumatised for 12 months afterwards.

Everyone is free to do what they wish, and it’s fine to be with just family at Christmas if that’s what works. But accusing those who do choose to invite others on Xmas day, of virtue-signalling or seeking praise or being patronising is just odd. That bitter negative mindset is a symptom of how selfish people have become.

How did OP's kids' father's drunk family and their inedible dinner become 'OP ruined their last Christmas'?

Does everything become the woman's fault in your eyes?

The misogyny is real.

Good lord. Isn’t this what Christmas is about?!! I don’t get not inviting someone on their own at all!!

My family Christmasses as a teen then adult often included someone who would have been otherwise alone: a neighbour who literally had no family, a friend of my aunts who was having a difficult time, one year a foreign student friend of mine who couldn’t afford to get back home. My parents extended the invitation to anyone and couldn’t bear the thought of someone being unhappily alone. It wouldn’t even have entered my head to kick up a stink about it!!

Im not saying they rocked up at 7am to do the pressie-opening-in-pyjamas bit but I could never begrudge someone joining us for Christmas lunch and maybe a walk afterwards.

Goodwill to all men and all that…

The OP says they don't drink, but does say they will be tired at Christmas due to studying and the number of parties

I think the only person coming across as unpleasant is you.

Unable to control yourself out of fear of being banned. Accusing people being kind of seeking praise. Telling the OP she is a bad mum. What made you so bitter, unregulated and unhappy? What has triggered you here?

Studying medicine needs recovering from because of the huge amounts of partying. If they are that shattered just from studying, with no drinking, I'll eat my hat.

People on MN revel staying in their ‘jammies’ 🤢 and love not having to dress themselves. I think it’s the highlight of their Christmas!

@Suednymph

your mother had friends? Wow, how did she not know that when you become a mother you can’t have friends or interests out of the family or hobbies or go to the gym…a mother needs to only have family time and concentrate solely on the kids. Kids come first always and forever.

But they can still have a quiet Xmas, with Sheila.

They are intelligent adults, a bit of raw turkey and some drunken people is frustrating but hardly devastating or traumatic. And their aunt was obviously struggling mentally

Sheila may or may not want to come but one adult guest does not change Xmas drastically. It doesn't prevent them doing anything they have requested of their Xmas and may massively help a woman who's had a really difficult year

Medicine exams are not that difficult and don't need days to recover from. They are going to have harder exams in their career! OP said they don't drink not that they don't party

Who’s claiming theyre exhausted and demanding to be run around after?

As someone who has spent Christmas alone a few times now, actual day itself is fine - you can have some nice food, go on a walk, enjoy a special programme or book. The hard part is often the days around it so i think OP’s plans of arranging something with Sheila for boxing day, etc are good.

Of all the PP’s badmouthing OP’s children and calling them selfish, etc - Have you experienced both being a student on a demanding course AND spending the Christmas period alone? I have (obviously the former in much earlier life) and my sympathies are still with the DC at uni.

I think this may be a situation of introverts v extroverts as to which scenario you find worse. An introvert does NOT find the prospect of Christmas alone awful. Its maybe tough the first time (especially if its a bereavement scenario) - but its arguably a rite-of-passage of being an adult that we should all be prepared to face it at some point.