Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

Where has 10 or 20 years come from? Have they ever even met her?

@ScholesPanda

you are absolutely right of course. The kids didn’t ask to be born afterall. She’s lucky they are deigning to give her the time of day

I'm a "the more the merrier" type and would be really disappointed in my kids if they acted like yours are.

My childhood Christmases were huge affairs, people say on the pouff, the garden table and the decorating table put up for the day and all the waifs and strays from family to friends to neighbours. It was lovely.

I do the same now. Last year we had 2 friends over and this year 1. Sometimes family, sometimes not.

But I guess it is also their Christmas, but until they can host themselves, I'm not sure they get to dictate really.

If the kids really don’t want her here for Christmas Day then maybe they should compromise on Boxing Day so that Sheila has something to look forward to.

If the children are going to be so distressed by the presence of someone else, then of course Sheila should not come around at all.

However saying the OP is narcissistic and just doing it for praise, is an exceptionally mean spirited viewpoint. I’m glad I’m not like that and don’t meet these kind of unhappy people irl.

Well, that's enlightening.

You're a very selfish person. The OP should clearly off herself, but not before putting her kidneys on ice (one each if they need them) and ensuring they get the sale proceeds from the family home so they can attend all the best Uni parties.

A stranger in the house would spoil it for me to be honest. I just couldn’t relax and I hate making small talk.

Why did you ask them if you are just going to ignore them?

why not have another conversation with them and tell them your reasons as to why you don’t want her alone. Can you suggest that she comes for the meal only?

I don’t get this. Is it a MN thing where people claim to feel uncomfortable if they haven’t known everyone else 8n the room for what? 10 years? 20?

I think given that you promised them a family Christmas day, you should not invite Sheila for Christmas itself, but Boxing Day Is aay all bets are off.

If they don't like it they can go to the pub with their mates.

That’s what you are choosing to see. It’s an unpleasant viewpoint.

Really? Is your Christmas diminished by someone else being there? Do you get less?
No, obviously not. It’s not a thing to be shared. It’s not zero sum.

I think I would try and see your friend over the festive season but not Christmas Day. Maybe go out for a drink/lunch on the 23rd? I understand that it would be nice to have this friend over on Christmas Day but she is essentially a stranger to your children and the dynamic would be different. Not the relaxing Christmas they were hoping for. I am less sympathetic about not having her over on Boxing Day though. Does she not have any siblings/parents that she can go to for Christmas?

I assume it's your house and that you are buying the food and cooking it. Why are you letting your kids dictate who gets invited?

They just want a quiet family Christmas this year OP, with people they love. Why are you so desperate to force someone they don't even know on them when they've been away and you've haven't seen them for months?

Has your friend really not got any other family herself?

Kids come first OP, always. No matter how old they are. I mean really you shouldn’t even have friends full stop as they can detract from family time.

It’s very obvious that’s what she’s after, as she’s refusing to see her children’s point of view.

I would prioritise my kids’ wish to be just our family at Christmas.

I’m sorry that Sheila had no living family. If she has no other friends who will include her then maybe she can volunteer.

Or she might be ok with having a day completely to herself. She might be gutted not to be with her kids and might appreciate just being able to wallow in her pyjamas and not have to put a brave face on and be jolly.

That’s mean. For me, being at uni, especially in the first and third years, was really hard work not just academically but socially, always wearing a face.

And we all mucked in at Christmas, that was part of the fun. Making stuff at the kitchen table while listening to the Nine Lessons and Carols, decorating the house, we helped with everything.

This.

There is something slightly sanctimonious in inviting the single for Christmas bit like the Little Women having to take their food to the Hummels and look how that turned out…

If I was Sheila I would be very aware of not wanting to crash a family day. Different if op were single too or seeing other adults.

Why would you assume that?
there is a real narrative in this thread that everyone should do what mum wants and be grateful because presumably she's the provider of the family Christmas. This isn't how it happens in every family :/

When my sister-in-law‘s friend died of breast cancer, I took her out for tea to be a shoulder to cry on. When my husband lost his job, friends met me for dinner to listen to my worries. Who knew that this was all about getting ‘praise’?

What bitter sad and lonely lives some people must lead.

This!

You sound incredibly cynical. Why the immediate assumption that this is about ego or praise? Do you not believe anyone does nice things for other people simply to be... well, nice? How sad.