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Original poster

Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

645 replies

Blizzardofleaves · 18/11/2025 11:47

I am not sure what to make of this tbh. I have a friend ‘Shelia’ and she has recently separated from her dh, and he is taking her dc to his home country for Christmas. Shelia now finds herself at home alone for the whole of Christmas. She doesn’t have any living family.

My dc are away at uni and only arrive home two days before. They have exams in December, and are often very tired. They don’t know Sheila as she is a friend I have known for only 5/6 years and we tend to meet elsewhere, doing activities and dinner etc.

Last Christmas was a disaster, as my in laws got horribly drunk and the lunch was appalling - inedible. We all had Covid by Boxing Day. I had promised my dc a family Christmas this year at home.

I floated the idea of having Shelia come to lunch on Christmas Day and both have said no way. They don’t know her, and they want a lovely fuss free Christmas just the four of us.

I feel sorry for Shelia but understand it’s not my issue to solve, but I am a more the merrier type of person and love having people over.

They have put a line through Xmas Eve and Boxing Day as well, and it feels quite controlling now. But maybe I am being unreasonable, and not very considerate of dc and how tired they are likely to be. We are hosting family parties the weekend before (one dc can make it for those, the other can not)

Please share your thoughts.

OP posts:
FoxyPickles · 18/11/2025 20:15

Why on earth didn't you include these drip feed details in your OP?

Fuck Sheila. She isnt the only one who is having a hard time here is she?

JeminaTheGiantBear · 18/11/2025 20:02

I would want my children to enjoy Christmas and the reality is young people of student age have no interest in spending time with random middle aged women they don’t know. Why should they?

I say that as a middle aged woman myself. I don’t expect peoples’ kids to like me or want to spend time with me. It’s not my right to expect that.

Plus I would be absolutely mortified & humiliated to crash someone else’s Xmas period when their student kids didn’t want me. I would hate to do that! If Sheila is a decent person she will feel the same. And if she wouldn’t feel that - why are you inviting her?

Arrange to meet her for a Christmas drink the day before Xmas Eve, instead.

The ‘more the merrier’ approach only works when the guests are actually welcome. She is clearly not. And if she has any sensitivity she’ll probably realise that- it’s a recipe for disaster.

I think there is potentially an underlying taste here abour respecting your children’s right to choose not to spend time with people they have no interest in. It’s not like they are 5, when you can insist on them spending time with Timmy down the road.

Hiptothisjive · 18/11/2025 19:59

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:57

Embarrassing when people are incapable of clicking “see next” or “see all” before posting. That drip feed was clearly there when that poster decided to give us her twopennoth.

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Incapable? Seriously are you okay?

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:57

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:55

Hardly embarrassing when the OP has only recently shared these facts.

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Embarrassing when people are incapable of clicking “see next” or “see all” before posting. That drip feed was clearly there when that poster decided to give us her twopennoth.

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:56

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:51

And what about for DCs who’s granny died in that day a few years back? No good will for them?
Read the OP’s updates.

Show quote history

Except I didn’t know about the drip feeds. That’s what happens when you don5 give all the pertinent facts upfront.
For a family wothout these issues, I stand by my point.

Hiptothisjive · 18/11/2025 19:56

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:50

How embarrassing. Perhaps before sharing your pearls of wisdom you should read all the OP’s posts (not hard) and you’d find out that her MIL, her DCs granny, died on Christmas Day a few years ago, and her DD, their aunt, found out last year that she has the same condition that killed her mother.

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How embarrassing that you felt the need to write this to someone. You okay?

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:56

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:50

Just not from OP to her traumatised children, apparently

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Except I didn’t know about the drip feeds. That’s what happens when you don5 give all the pertinent facts upfront.
For a family wothout these issues, I stand by my point.

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:55

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:50

How embarrassing. Perhaps before sharing your pearls of wisdom you should read all the OP’s posts (not hard) and you’d find out that her MIL, her DCs granny, died on Christmas Day a few years ago, and her DD, their aunt, found out last year that she has the same condition that killed her mother.

Show quote history

Hardly embarrassing when the OP has only recently shared these facts.

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:53

YetiRosetti · 18/11/2025 19:33

It was odd to ask if it’s an MN thing to need to know someone in the room for 10 or 20 years when in this situation they don’t know this woman at all. You can surely see there is light years between those two situations and they are not comparable at all.

and yes they can meet someone and just chat - but they won’t enjoy it. I’m great at chatting to people. I have to do it so often at work, at the school gate, at kids parties… at Christmas I want a day off from
it.

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You don’t understand the idea of hyperbole then?
anyway, with OP’s updates about bereavement and sickness I can see her kids point. It’s not about being exclusive, more about space to process.

Tiswa · 18/11/2025 19:51

@Blizzardofleaves has Sheila even remotely given you any indication she wants this?

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:51

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:50

No, Christmas isn’t the same. It’s a day specifically about good will to all men.

Show quote history

And what about for DCs who’s granny died in that day a few years back? No good will for them?
Read the OP’s updates.

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:50

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:50

No, Christmas isn’t the same. It’s a day specifically about good will to all men.

Show quote history

Just not from OP to her traumatised children, apparently

MissDoubleU · 18/11/2025 19:50

Just have a nice Christmas with your kids. They asked, you promised.

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:50

Hiptothisjive · 18/11/2025 19:45

I think the unreasonable part is that your two children are more worried about being selfish than by ‘allowing’ a good friend of yours who will be alone on Christmas to come over for a meal.

I would be appalled that my children at Christmas wouldn't be kind and welcome your friend. And I know they would because I raised them to consider others, have empathy and understand the true meaning of Christmas.

How embarrassing. Perhaps before sharing your pearls of wisdom you should read all the OP’s posts (not hard) and you’d find out that her MIL, her DCs granny, died on Christmas Day a few years ago, and her DD, their aunt, found out last year that she has the same condition that killed her mother.

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:50

Ddakji · 18/11/2025 19:16

Do you really think that Christmas is the same as any other day? And maybe they’ll have had enough of making new friends by the time they come home for Christmas?

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No, Christmas isn’t the same. It’s a day specifically about good will to all men.

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:49

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 18/11/2025 19:44

An awful drip feed, poor DC, so their grandma has this condition, passed away, their aunt has it, any chance they could be worried they have it?

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I’d imagine so. Her poor, poor children.

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:49

Hiptothisjive · 18/11/2025 19:45

I think the unreasonable part is that your two children are more worried about being selfish than by ‘allowing’ a good friend of yours who will be alone on Christmas to come over for a meal.

I would be appalled that my children at Christmas wouldn't be kind and welcome your friend. And I know they would because I raised them to consider others, have empathy and understand the true meaning of Christmas.

Again, read OP’s updates. She drip fed a whole lot of trauma around Christmas.

Hiptothisjive · 18/11/2025 19:45

I think the unreasonable part is that your two children are more worried about being selfish than by ‘allowing’ a good friend of yours who will be alone on Christmas to come over for a meal.

I would be appalled that my children at Christmas wouldn't be kind and welcome your friend. And I know they would because I raised them to consider others, have empathy and understand the true meaning of Christmas.

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 18/11/2025 19:44

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:40

Read OP’s updates. She’s drip fed massively.

Their grandmother died on Christmas Day, her sister in law (their aunty) has been diagnosed with the same condition that killed their grandmother, and spent all of Christmas last year getting drunk to deal with it. Her kids want a nice, calm Christmas Day.

Show quote history

An awful drip feed, poor DC, so their grandma has this condition, passed away, their aunt has it, any chance they could be worried they have it?

IAmBroke · 18/11/2025 19:40

MiIkandJam · 18/11/2025 19:20

This… it’s an easy habit to fall into, but when you take people outside of your DH and kids for granted, you can suddenly realise they’ve all fallen away.

I would not be letting adult kids rule the roost. if they want to relax, then you can. Sheila isn’t occupying all the beds and the sofa at once, presumably.

Show quote history

Read OP’s updates. She’s drip fed massively.

Their grandmother died on Christmas Day, her sister in law (their aunty) has been diagnosed with the same condition that killed their grandmother, and spent all of Christmas last year getting drunk to deal with it. Her kids want a nice, calm Christmas Day.

Thebigonesgetaway · 18/11/2025 19:36

Blizzardofleaves · 18/11/2025 19:10

This thread has made me laugh in places, thank you for your posts.

So the dc main reasons are:

They want to remain in PJs and relax
They have done more than enough entertaining over the years (true)

They don’t know Shelia
Shelia is an interesting person, a dr and has a varied, so I’m sure will be fun - but it’s hard work for dc when tired

They won’t have too many more guaranteed family Christmases together with us

I promised we would have a family Xmas at home (true)

Shelia might be sad as her dc are not here (possible) and they don’t want another miserable xmas

Their grandmother died on Christmas Day a few years back and it’s a difficult day anyway

It is not much to ask for apparently

When I see their reasons like this, and read some of your posts, I think I should honour my promise and my dc this year and take Shelia out or cook for her on the 23rd. I am sad not to be able to host her properly, I would love to, but it’s tricky this year

Oh blimey op,I can’t beleive you even considered inviting Sheila. Their granny died on Xmas day??

GAJLY · 18/11/2025 19:33

BettysRoasties · 18/11/2025 19:29

Wow

so their granny died Christmas Day 2 years ago.

last year their aunt tried to recreate her Christmas and failed because she’s also been diagnosed with the same condition so was drinking

yes of course they should have one nice Christmas in 3 years.

I agree with this 👆

YetiRosetti · 18/11/2025 19:33

cardibach · 18/11/2025 19:05

But where’s the cut off? Does it matter? Can’t they meet someone and just chat? How did they make friends at Uni?

Show quote history

It was odd to ask if it’s an MN thing to need to know someone in the room for 10 or 20 years when in this situation they don’t know this woman at all. You can surely see there is light years between those two situations and they are not comparable at all.

and yes they can meet someone and just chat - but they won’t enjoy it. I’m great at chatting to people. I have to do it so often at work, at the school gate, at kids parties… at Christmas I want a day off from
it.

ruethewhirl · 18/11/2025 19:32

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBatgirl · 18/11/2025 18:53

Ah so the dc have to say ‘yes’ to what their mum asked. As clearly it wasn’t an actual question she wanted an honest answer to!

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Please don’t put words in my mouth.

BettysRoasties · 18/11/2025 19:30

You’re poor dh too!

Mums gone. Sisters diagnosed. Children getting ready to fly the nest. I’m sure he will also want a nice easy Christmas.