At what age would you say for a grandparent to stop giving Christmas money to adult grandchildren?
Mum has always been particularly generous with cash gifts and gifts in general to her grandchildren - always a generous cash gift plus additional small gifts. There are several ‘kids’ and in cash alone, it costs her over £1k.
She is now very elderly and she has said she would like to stop giving the grandchildren who are at working age the cash gift. There are still a few grandchildren who are still ‘children’ (high school age) and for those she would like to continue to give as usual to them, just to stop with the older working age ones - the older working age are over 20.
I have high school age kids, sister has a mix of working age and high school.
In the last few years, Mum has also told me that sister has given her gift lists for the partners of working age grandchildren and insisted she buys them presents too - I have also supported her that this too needs to stop. She literally doesn’t know these people. Again she has been spending a high amount on these gifts too - they have not been token gifts. I only found out about this recently otherwise I would have stood up for her on this last Christmas.
I am in full support of Mum. This is something she has been thinking of for several years and we have discussed many times. I have no issue of not receiving any gift for my kids once they are working - in fact I have said to stop any cash gifts to my children now but she is insistent that until they 18 that she would like to continue.
We have discussed this with my sister and she is absolutely outraged.
Mums suggestion to her was to just reduce it down this year but next year she would be giving a token gift only - such as a bottle of something.
To add, Mum is in a financial position where giving this cash gift and these additional gifts isn’t an issue for her - but I have supported her fully with her decision as in my opinion, it’s her money to choose to do with as she wishes - and frankly I feel like she’s having the piss taken out of her by my sister. In fact I’ve encouraged Mum to do more with her money and enjoy it whilst she can - go on a cruise! And as she’s quite rightly said, the working age kids are earning enough. To give an example, the working age kids are on several holidays a year, drive brand new cars - they do not ‘need’ this cash gift every year. Sister is also in a good financial position - again does not need the money.
Sister has contacted Mum, she has been absolutely hysterical down the phone at her and insisted she reinstate the cash gifts. Mum has begrudgingly agreed as she doesn’t want an argument, but she is upset.
So WWYD? Mum doesn’t want me to say anything to my sister but I feel like I can’t let this one go. I have also considered gifting Mum a present - spa day perhaps - that financially matches what she would be giving to my kids.