AIBU to not want to go to my parents’ for Christmas now they’ve invited a neighbour?

Lots to go at there. For someone so christmas spirited you come across as the angry one to me.

Where did i say i was angry?
No i didnt bring any of my siblings. They are busy with their own families and children.

What on earth has adopting children got to do with my scenario i dont know.

You need therapy, calm down. I just like to spend christmas day with my own close family.

I'm quite shy and would find a fellow guest that I don't know quite difficult to navigate, but that's my issue and no one else's. Absolutely wild that some people think it reasonable to demand your mum uninvite the neighbour! If you don't want to go then don't, but I'd suggest you consider that you're essentially telling your parents that not being around the neighbour is more important to you than being around them.

Also, what on earth does having a young child have to do with it?! What a strange thing to say

This is a beautiful answer.

It was a big part of the day tbh. Out for the meal at 12.00 which often involved taking the children away from their presents. Back at 5pm type thing.

Each to their own but christmas for me is about sitting with my children, chatting to them, joining in playing with their toys etc. The dinner table is a big part of that where we sit and chat, the children included.

I dont want to dilute that with someone else, nice as they may be. Its not a case of not liking them, its a case of not wanting to sit making small talk with someone whilst my children sit at the opposite side of the room.

I despair to be honest and why wouldn't you want her around your young child?

It seems very petty of you.

I wonder how often your parents tolerated friends of yours they weren’t so keen on?

Or maybe if they aren’t such a fan of your husband you would be ok with then excluding him?

YABU

Unless your parents promised you a family only event, or bullied you into going because they had nobody else to celebrate with, you should not try to damage their friendship with their neighbours.

You complain that the neighbour is always there. But do THEY complain about her always being there? Maybe they’re happy their friend lives right next door and are loving how much they can spend time with their friend. Did you consider that this lady is a genuine friend not a pity friend?

It’s really childish to refuse Christmas invitations from your parents because you dislike their friend. It’s hurtful to try damage their friendship.

This year you’ve set plans so go and try and enjoy. Next year, early, let your parents know if you don’t want to spend Christmas with them and propose an alternative (celebrating with them another day). But you may find yourself regretting giving up Christmas with your parents just because you dislike a friend.

Lots of comments on here are absolutely wild but this one takes the cake! You were angry that your ‘close family’ brought their own family/partners/spouses and children with them on Christmas Day. God forbid you had to sit next to someone you have no blood ties with. Assume it would’ve been fine for you to make your sibling sit next to your spouse though (someone they have no blood ties to) as long as their spouse/children weren’t there! How completely self-centred! Thank god you didn’t have to adopt children and raise someone with no blood ties to yourself. Imagine what you would’ve done then!

You’d stop your child’s great-grandfather spending Christmas with her? I spend part of every Christmas with someone I actively dislike because my son and daughter-in-law do like her, and I want to enjoy spending time with my grandchildren (and my kids and in-laws), and I think your grandad would be hurt not to see you and your child.

My other thought - because I’m human - is that if possible you could go for parts of the day. Morning at home, lunch and afternoon at your parents, for example, and you can dodge the neighbour a bit by helping with prep and clearing up.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if I’m echoing others without acknowledgement.

Can’t you just go for dinner and if it’s getting a bit uncomfortable leave as early as possible say your little one needs an early night or something

Bah Humbug more like it.

It’s a bit late now as most people have ordered all their food. I’m on team ‘just go for lunch’ in the spirit of Christmas. If this person is as odd as you say then you may need to keep an eye on her anyway. On the other hand, maybe you just don’t know her well enough.

Surely the meal only lasts a hour or two at most and you will have spent time with your partner and children throughout the day?

I always find the 'blood ties' thing a bit odd. Many of people I consider close family aren't blood relatives.

Ho Ho Ho 🤣

It doesn't. OP isn't telling her parents not to invite the neighbour. She is asking whether it would be unreasonable for her and her partner and child not to go.

That is a decision that OP can make unilaterally without her parents' permission. She can't tell them not to invite the neighbour.

We all have different likes and dislikes. If you love meeting new people and can immediately relax around them, great. This is an ideal situation for you. But some people just find this sort of thing stressful and awkward. We all enjoy different stuff.

You don’t want this neighbour around your young child?? You need to grow up, sorry

Well the saying “no good deed goes unpunished” is a saying for a reason. That’s awful, your poor grandparents.

It seems a bit sulky and childish to not go because of the neighbour. Can't you just try it and see how it goes. Leave a bit earlier than you would have if you are uncomfortable

Your mum and dad are allowed to change their plans and so are you! If you prefer not to go then don’t.

Generally speaking, when I meet someone and find them to be someone who dominates the conversation, is overly intense and has no boundaries, I don’t seek opportunities to ‘get to know them better’. I’ve seen enough. They aren’t suddenly going to become nicer.

Yes - I really don't understand the MN phobia of "changing the dynamic". Love to have fresh dynamics and new faces to meet.

Oh yes, got to love a gendered put down/telling off haven’t you!!

YANBU to be irritated. I wouldn’t want to spend all day with a person I barely knew and who I found overbearing, intense and boundary-less.

I think YABU to say you’re not going, though. I think this year you just need to suck it up. But have a quiet word with your parents afterwards and say you’d rather not socialise with their neighbour again.

YANBU

Christmas day is about close family for me. We used to go out for christmas dinner with close family. Then each year 'others' started getting invited as the family grew due to marriages and births. It culminated in the year they started playing with the seating so kids sat together and adults together. That year i sat with someone i had zero blood ties to, only knew in passing and didnt get time with my partner or children.

From then on we have eaten at home on christmas day with a few invited guests. Christmas is about close family for me and i refuse to adapt for anyone.