To take the money??

House deposits

They may never earn enough to pay back student loans so best use for housing

I don't believe this. Nobody is THIS odd. So your sister is gifting both of your children a massive amount of money - a house purchasing money and maybe even more, and you want to refuse, because.... I don't even understand why, tbh. Your other sister? BIL?

Don't be crazy. And if you do refuse, I hope your children doesn't know about it. If my auntie was so amazing to share her wealth and gift me a house and my mother simply refused (for actually whatever reason, unless is something really awful) - I'd go no contact and she'd be dead to me. I'd take it as her being malicious and deliberately wanting me to suffer unnecessary hardship.

Not these days. Young adults need all the help they can get. Would you like to explain to your children that a house deposit was on offer to them but you turned it down behind their backs?

Money isn't everything. Making your own way in life is often more important.

We have done the same for our (technically my) niece and nephew, and it’s been kept secret too. We are very close and want them to have some of the financial advantages that their (very, very close) cousins enjoy as our children. Their mum is aware on some level that the children have/will have something. It sounds like a similar situation to yours.

Please take the money, it will hugely benefit your children and their futures. Does your sister want them to know it was from her? Otherwise, do they even need to? Our plan is that when niece or nephew come to a milestone, as far as the kids are concerned, their parents will pay X and we will pay Y. The bulk of X will actually come from us, but the kids don’t need to know that. As far as they’re concerned, our contribution will be less than that of their parents.

Not for her son, he’s 18 and legally an adult. Imagine trying to explain to him that you’ve made adverse decisions about his money.

I agree with others. Life is hard for younger ones nowadays and only going to get harder. Absolutely take the money, why wouldn’t you want this for your children? Your sister sounds lovely. And honestly, if your other sister finds out and kicks off, it’s not really up to you to deal with that, let your sister who gifted the money take the consequences. I’m sure she’s already mentally prepared for that down the line.

What a bloody gem of a sister. Take the money.

You need to view it as your son's money with you as a trustee. You sit down with him, tell him about the money, and he can thank his aunt. He can then ask for it as he wishes and you can release money if and when you think it's appropriate. So if he asks for it for uni you might think this is appropriate, but a gap year not. He might want the money for a house or driving lessons, have regular discussions about his aspirations and guide him.

She can’t invest half for yourself - the sister has explicitly requested it’s used only for the kids.

Not at all!! This is a wonderful act of love and generosity from your sister. If I were you, I would invest half in a pension fund for myself and my husband, and the other half in an investment fund (like S&P 500) for the kids. It’s fair she doesn’t want this to be made public, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping finances private.

I don’t think that was the offer. It was conditional on being kept secret, rightly or wrongly.

Don’t take it.
Tell your kids in about 20 years’ time how much money they missed out on, and how it could have helped their lives.
Then prepare for a lonely old age. ☹️

It's not for YOU, it's for your kids. I can't imagine turning this down - think of the fabulous start you can give your children?

Imagine if you did decline it, few years down the line children are struggling to get together a deposit for a house, you will regret turning down a very kind and generous offer.

Also 100% with your sister in that it is not her place to financial help grown ups.

Your sister has arranged something very kind and as others have said its for your children - so its not really for you to refuse.

However I have to say the necessary secrecy would bother me. Especially from the husband. Even though your sister has earned this money - they are married so all funds would be considered a marital asset in the case of a divorce. Also your other sister would probably be upset if she felt she was "missing out"

She has clearly thought it through and has not done it out of any kind of pressure, but out of love and care for your children. It would be gracious to accept.

Definitely keep it, she's doing a kind thing. If I had the funds I'd do it for one set of niece and nephews but not others, as I'm very close to them. DH would be on board as he's also close to them and not close to his family. So we would keep it quiet as much as possible.

I wouldn't tell your kids until they hit 25 though and keep it invested until then and let them make choices without it where possible so they have a chance to learn about standing on their own two feet. People I know who get a lot of money young generally don't appreciate the value of it fully

But doesn't she have parental responsibility? Money so often causes conflict in families, they are better off without it. She should graciously say to her sister, thanks, but no thanks!

Blimey mumsnet is going all in for shaming others today

How selfish of you to even consider refusing it. To deprive your children of something that you will never be the position to give them.

Give your head a fucking large wobble.

It will make the world of difference to your children, accept it - it's a wonderful thing she's done.

Yes, take it and keep schtum. It's not like you can prevent the DC being given this gift when they're adults anyway, it would just be arranged differently.

If it is completely clear that the money is for the benefit of the next generation only (your sister’s children and your own), then your other sister, who has no children, really doesn’t have a leg to stand on with her complaint about missing out. I do however think it is problematic that your generous sister has kept her plans to gift your children such large sums a secret from her own husband for many years. If he is as unpleasant as he sounds, that might cause her difficulties in the future if/when he finds out.

I think your sister is fabulous, and you should accept this generous gift from her in the spirit it was intended. It will make such a difference to your dcs lives. And I wouldn't breath a word of it to anyone.