To take the money??

Lovely thing for your sister to do, accept it and your kids could put a deposit down on somewhere when they are older. Dont tell them until they get to 20+

Take the money, get a financial advisor, use it for the kids

What a wonderful and generous gift - yes you must take it and I would manage the trust until your children are old enough to use the money wisely to buy a house. If you can afford university without this money, of course!

If I was in your sister’s position I would be gutted if you said no. I would be immensely appreciative.

You have no choice. I’d never forgive my mum if she declined money on my behalf

It's a very lovely thing to do for your children, what a great sister!

Sit down with your sister and discuss what you both think might work for your children, her niece and nephew. I would hold off giving the elder the cash until the younger is of age as that could really demotivate her with her A-Levels and degree pathway. Could you all wait until 21/25?

I would say that it is not @Clobberdobber ‘s money to decline - it’s sister’s and then her children’s but not OP’s.

I wish I had this problem. Just go with your gut. Good luck

Your sister is loving & generous and you should accept the money in trust on behalf of your children.

However the secrecy would make me feel uneasy. Secrets have a way of coming out, for example once your children are aware of their aunt's generosity might they not (either deliberately or inadvertently) let slip their good fortune to cousins or other family members and then word will get around?

I had a similar-ish situation but a much smaller fund. The money was held by my parents, and could not be frittered away, only spent on "sensible" things.

I was told about the money, and was told that when I felt I had a need for it that met the criteria, to ask. I bought a piano keyboard with it, then when I finished uni I used to rest to buy a car.

So I guess you could do something similar, making it clear that whilst the money is theirs, it needs to have a clear purpose before being handed over.

Why would you not take the money? Is it because you know it may make your children much better off than you and that makes you uneasy?

If I was independently wealthy and had my children all set for life the next people I would look to help would be my nieces and nephews, so unless there is something else going on I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take it, invest it for another few years and then when he’s looking at housing etc give it to him when he’s older and more sensible to manage it better.
My Auntie paid for two of her nieces/nephews to go to private school, she alongside her siblings including my Mother grew up in poverty but all did pretty well for themselves. 2 of my Cousins were offered scholarships to private school, but part fees had to be paid and my other Aunt couldn’t afford the fees for both so her sister helped her, no conditions, she herself only had the one child and she was probably the most well off out of the family due to investments etc.
I only found out at my Aunts funeral when my cousins said without her help they wouldn’t be where they were today.
You would be cutting your nose off to spite your face to decline it.

If I were your kid and I found out you gatekept such a life changing gift that was never yours to refuse, I’d disown you. It’s not yours to decide whether to accept or not, it’s in your care to ensure it’s not pissed against a wall.

Sorry if this has already beeen said, but surely your childen are the beneficiaries, not you?

Isn't the trust for their benefit, not yours?

What a generous sister you have, she must love you and your children very much.

Please don’t turn down this incredible opportunity for your children that clearly comes from your sister’s heart. And please don’t let her feel like she’s done anything wrong for doing something so incredible.

Take the money and get some financial advice as to how best to look after the money until you feel your children are mature enough to deal with it. Or until they are ready to get on the property ladder.

It's a very nice thing for your sister to do

So you'd ignore all the love and happy times with your mum over a gift of money with strings. Im glad I brought up my dc better and to have more appreciation for the important things in life

Op you absolutely should accept this gift for you children. It’s a wonderful thing for you sister to have done for them.

Off course you should take it.

Can’t you read?

You should take the money as it will really help your kids get a start in life and things are bloody hard these days.

The thing I don't agree with unless your other sister is already doing well for herself, I think it's shitty of your sister to say because she has no kids then nothing for her. I'd feel really dissappinted in my sister if she cut the other out through not having kids.

This.

Then the mother should refuse and tell the aunt to deal direct with the children and keep control of the money herself. It would be unfair and probably impossible to place that burden of secrecy on the children.

Absolutely agree. Don’t use it for Uni- Martin Lewis is very clear about that. Absolutely use it for a home for them. Imagine knowing that your children will always have a roof over their head. I would consider putting the house in a family trust so it would be protected in the event of them ever being married and then divorced. What a lovely sister.

What a wonderful gift from your sister. Take the money for your children, thank her and let her know how grateful you are and respect her wish not to tell anyone. She sounds very generous.