To take the money??

They are not the trustees they are the beneficiaries (that’s what OP said).

Yes. Because the OP and her husband are the trustees. Who have to administer the trust on behalf of the Settlor (OP's sister) to the beneficiaries - OP's children.

That does not mean the OP is a beneficiary, or that she can refuse the money on behalf of her children. She can only refuse to be a Trustee.

ETA: I do not actually think that the OP understands how a trust works, from what she has written here.

People probably do understand how a trust works, they also probably read what Op said. The trust is in Op and her husbands name, it’s not in the children’s, the money is in OPs name with the intent the money is for the children.

It may be a shock but surely you’d want your children to be able to afford a deposit for a house or uni fees without all the stress that come with it usually. Of course they’d still have to work hard and earn their own money but why would you not consider taking this help for them? Unless you can say you will give them the money from your own pocket then YABU. Their auntie has done a kind and generous thing, what sort of parent would deprive their child of that generosity?

Does nobody on this thread understand how trusts work? OP cannot "refuse" or "accept" the money on her children's behalf. A trust has been set up for them by the settlor, her sister. OP can only decide to accept being a trustee, or not. In which case other trustees would be appointed.

Acting as a trustee

A trustee is responsible for managing the assets in a trust and fulfilling the purpose of the trust.

The role of a trustee carries a lot of responsibility. It’s recommended you get advice from a solicitor before agreeing to be a trustee.

Trustees must be willing to put in the time and effort necessary to make sure that the settlor’s wishes are carried out, and that the assets are managed for the beneficiaries.

If you’re asked to be a trustee, talk to the settlor about their expectations of you, and who the other trustees are (you’ll be expected to work with them in the future to manage the trust).

Read about trustee tax responsibilities on GOV.UK

This!!!!

without knowing how much it is, this will give your kid a huge leg up in life - clear uni debt, represent a large flat deposit amount (you say 6 figures).

If you refuse to take it because you find it stressful, you are depriving your children of a massive leg up in life. If I found out my parent had done that, I’d find it extremely hard to forgive them.

I don't really see the problem. Presumably you like and get along well with your sister?
She's done a very kind thing for your children, and has obviously been thinking about this for many years. She certainly didn't have to. It was done with love for you and your children.

I'd keep the money invested, and then it's a lovely house deposit in 5-10 years. It's probably better spent on something that will increase in value, than in university that is just a flat cost.

For what it's worth, I also have secret savings accounts for the 2 children of my best friend (we grew up together and are as close as sisters). They are still a long way off adulthood, and there's currently only a couple of hundred quid in there. But I'd be really sad if my friend turned around when the children turned 18 and went, "nah".

Are your kids close to their uncle and wider family? The only thing that would bother me is what to tell the kids about where the money came from, as you wouldn’t want them to have to keep a lie or anything if family members directly asked them.

But that is the role/duty of a Trustee - to decide/approve how the money is spent. Until the money is given over to the beneficiaries, the Trustees are in charge.

That's literally their duty 😆

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/common-legal-issues/trusts

Don’t let fear of how other people might react affect your judgement. For a long time your sister has invested money for her niece and nephew, this isn’t a recent decision. Accept the money graciously and allow your children to have some financial security from an early age.

Surely it depends on the date the trust is to be disolved and when the young person takes control. I doubt at nearly 18 he will appreciate his mother deciding how the money he is about to come into is spent.

IF OP is a trustee to a trust then deciding how it is spent is literally her duty.

It's a trust, not a bank account.

This is going to end in a family upset, the more people that know about this - the more likely it will end up in a family row.

If you give the money to your children bit by bit - fgs don't tell them about the trust

I wouldn't decide myself how it should be spent, I think you should discuss with the children. Mine took control of her account at 18 and has been adding to it ever since.

Honestly, discretion with financial matters is the norm.

This 100%

OP, I'm worried that you don't seem to understand the actual set up of this trust. Are you a beneficiary, as you said earlier in the thread? If so, you need to be taking your own tax advice.

And if you're not a beneficiary, but think you are, then I think you need the financial advisor/lawyer/your sister to talk you through it again.

Being a trustee to such a large trust comes with financial and legal responsibilities, and everything will have to be scrupiously noted. Your children will need to apply to the trust when they want money for something, and you then agree or not. There's more to it though, so you really need to read up on this.

Her marriage, and its communication, is their business. Your children are your business and this is life changing money for them. I'd be kind and gracious and leave the rest to her.

So there aren’t any strings. Take it. Its not your money to refuse. You’re only s trustee in a sense even though you’re a named beneficiary. Lovely sister!

Its great that your sister has saved this money for your children to fund their university studies or a deposit on a house. You cant really say no to money for them. Accept it gladly.

If it’s for your children, take it and make their lives easier. It’s incredibly generous of her and your children may never get this chance again.

I wouldn’t be thinking twice or needing to post on MN.

OP also says this:

My sister has presented us with a large sum of money for him, and I’m conflicted about whether I should take it.

It's not yours to accept or decline, OP. The trust has been set up for your children. All you can do is accept being a trustee. Which I assume you agreed to at some point?

Agreed. I am worried by how little the OP seems to understand the situation. She calls herself a "beneficiary", when she isn't. She and her husband are trustees, for the children's trust.

It sounds more like you are the trustee and the kids are the benficiaries.

Ergo, legal ownership and control sits with you but it’s only legally to be used for the kids.

That would be the sensible setup anyway to avoid it affecting your personal finances.