Not going halves with friend on lunch

When the person who has had more suggests splitting the bill they usually know what they're doing.

I once had a friend like that. We would meet up to eat out every so often and catch up.
They would always order 3 courses while I, not being as big an eater, would order a main course and then try a small portion of their dessert - either as a slice or a spoonful just as a taster.
We would always have a bottle of wine and I would drink a third and they would drink two thirds.
Then they'd say airily --shall we split the bill? while I got increasingly pissed off feeling like I was always subsiding their night out.
After this happened a few times, I pointed it out.
It didn't go down well.

On the original post she ordered more but didn’t say what the usual situation was. It says later but only after I replied. I was only speculating

So as the friend usual orders more then she’s annoyed this time that she didn’t get subsidised. She’s not being such a good friend then despite being a close friend.

OP has done nothing wrong. It’s perfectly acceptable to pay your own. If you go out regularly, neither of you feel skint and sometimes one person has more and sometimes the other then it’s reasonable to split as it balances out pretty much. It’s unfair if people take advantage.

Unless the not talking to you is totally unconnected? Do you have a common friend you could ask?

Yes I do think its acceptable for guests to order what they want and not over order with the result that the guest feels ill and food is thrown away. I cannot physically stomach a full meal in one go, you do know some people cant right? Due to age, medical issues etc.

Our industry is suffering because the first thing to go when money is tight is eating/drinking out. Instead of going out for a meal, people go to the supermarket, pick up some beers and a bottle of wine and then have a takeaway. Nothing to do with me, on a table of 6, ordering a starter as a main.

Always best to pay individually. Otherwise it disadvantages decent people not only in the sense that they often end up paying for others, but also with their own choices. If people split the bill equally, then a decent person would never order anything extravagant, even if they really really want it as they would want things to be fair. Splitting the bill down the middle makes it awkward in so many ways.

If I was meeting a friend for lunch, I'd expect to split the bill, but I'd be making sure that I ordered what I wanted as equal as possible.
If I could only afford a drink, I'd say it early.
She's very rude, if you couldn't afford to eat.
I wouldn't want to speak to her again.

The only person who should ever offer to split the bill evenly is the person who owes the least as an act of generosity. People always are aware of their own meal cost and it's cheeky fuckery to innocently suggest splitting when it causes others to pay more.

Perhaps you should have suggested to your friend in advance that you go somewhere cheaper as you were on a budget. Also warned her that you would be getting your own.

In the past I have always asked for my own bill to avoid getting gypped in group outings. Ive seen the side eyes I got but I know there were others who wished they had the courage to do the same. Similarly in pubs I never bought "rounds" as a single can lost our when buying drinks for couples. However you only get one drink back from the couple since they function as a unit.

You are a hospitality manager and think that’s acceptable? No wonder your industry is struggling so much.

No, why would it be?

Not everyone is the same. And no before you ask I am not a performative under eater or on WLI.

How much more expensive was her main?

Pudding vs hot drink is about what? Three, four pounds more expensive? If that.

I hope that was a joke about ordering a starter as a main?

In fairness, your OP did seem to imply that you had a hot drink instead of pudding, there was no mention of her having one as well as pudding, so thats probably where the confusion is arising.

I think it's incredibly rude of your "friend" to have tried to get you to split the bill when you'd said no. The argument that it's only a few quid works both ways - if it's only a few quid, and they were spent by your friend, then your friend can bloody well pay it! I say this as a complete pushover who has split the bill/paid for friends countless times when I really shouldn't have for an easy life.

The only thing I'd say you should think about is this: is it part of a wider pattern of behaviour on your part where penny pinching affects every meet up?

I had a "friend" years ago like this. Would charge you 50p for a short car ride, claimed to have forgotten her purse multiple times at coffe shop meet ups and mysteriously never remembered to pay you back, would agree to meals out then make a song and dance of having the cheapest starter as a main and just look stressed and annoyed the whole time as she was on edge about the bill, waiting to put the exact change on the table and make it clear she wouldn't pay a penny more.

Her friend shouldn't go out to lunch if she doesn't want to pay for her own meal, no one is entitled to have their meal partially paid for by their friends even if it's only a few extra squids. A few extra squids may be no big deal for some but for others 'penny pinching' is necessary especially in this economy.

Why is OP being stingy in not wanting to sub the friend for a change; yet the friend isn't stingy - and even has the right to be annoyed - when OP doesn't want to sub her every time?!

She is upset because she was counting on you not noticing her stealthy approach to getting you to pay for stuff for her. Glad you didn’t split the bill. stand firm.

OP already said that her friend usually orders more, and thus is usually subbed when they split it.

If she's feeling skint too but, unlike OP, is still happily ordering more in the hope that OP will pay for it, that's massively cheeky.

So you had a meal out, both had a main, then she had a pudding and you had a hot drink. There’s only a few quid difference there. I know some people who’d insist on paying for their exact share, and others who’d split the bill , and a few who d be saying “ my treat, you can pay next time”.
Id say it depends what’s normal in your meet ups, but everyone needs to be sensitive, and if a friend told me they were struggling I’d pay for them, not argue the toss. It all sounds a bit petty, and tbh if things are so tight that you can’t split the bill, maybe you need to reconsider lunches out.
However, her reaction is bizarre, she’s benefitted from your discount so she’s quids in anyway. I wonder why she’s so put out about it?

How much are we talking though? Did splitting add £2 to your bill or did it add £20? This is a key detail.

You don't have to work it out, don't cafes and restaurants allow for individual billing?

I always just split the bill with friends unless one of us go for a very expensive course and is drinking wine +++ . Cannot be arsed with working it out down to a few quid 🤷‍♀️

How much are we talking? If it is about a fiver or so I think not splitting it is a bit… uncool? Long term friends and if you generally split then it’s hardly a problem.

It seems extreme to not be speaking to you. But at the same time being stingy is quite unattractive in any sort of relationship so I’d probably be a bit turned off in her shoes too if you made a deal of it.