Not going halves with friend on lunch

The friend isn’t much of a friend to get upset about this. If a friend told me she was a bit skint this month I’d treat them.

I’m not a bill splitter, it makes no sense. You are either subsidising someone or screwing someone over. Your friend is a twat and if this non issue triggers her into not talking to you then she’s done you a favour.

Warned is probably not the right word! I think you have to be very clear with some people about payment of meals and drinks before ordering then there are no expectations and disappointment.

The friend somehow feels as though the OP has done wrong. I do not feel that the OP is at fault but there may not have been a tantrum if the payment situation was discussed beforehand.

Friend probably feels mislead. Not defending her, just trying to understand why she has had a childish tantrum about this!

Wow. You're actually saying that people need to be 'warned' that they need to pay for all the things they choose when they eat out. Seriously?

She is no loss if she is giving you the silent treatment because you are refusing to supplement her puddings! She should be paying for herself, especially if she knows you are struggling this month.

This is not a friend op, it’s a CF and you are well shot of the greedy grabby cf. I would not stand for such shoddy behaviour, and would block her and spend time with friends that would truly care for you.

You are not unreasonable at all . She is a CF. She ordered the pricier meal and the pudding and expected you to bank roll her, regardless of how much it is . You even got a discount for her on her meal and she still acts like you have wronged her . This says far more about her than you . Weeks long sulking is embarrassing.

When you arranged going to the cafe, did you warn her that you were skint that month? I think you should have told her about your situation that you could only pay for your drink with the discount card BEFORE you met her.

I wonder whether she felt like she had been mislead because she was relying on using your discount card to pay for her half? Or that you usually split the bill so she ordered items thinking that this was still the arrangement?

Still think that you have mostly done nothing wrong but you should have been clear with her about this before you met. Then there are no expectations.

Exactly. That's the most infuriating part about situations like this. The OP has limited what she has spent so she has still been able to go out. Yet the 'friend' and a few on this thread expect her to still pay part of the 'friend's' bill for a more lavish lunch that she didn't enjoy herself, which is ridiculous.

Sounds like the OP has more than paid her fair share in the past as the friend's bill has usually been more so it's gone beyond the time when she should have stood her ground on this. In fact, if the friend had actually been a nice friend, she should have offered to treat the OP this time, to make up for being subsidised so many times in the past.

So basically she's sulking because you couln't afford to subsidise the cost of her meal. Don't bother trying to smooth things out, and definitely don't fall in to the trap oftrying to get the friendship back on track by apologising for upsetting her. You did nothing wrong.

I nearly always split the bill with the friends I eat out with, but if someone just wanted to pay their own, I wouldn’t have an issue. In this case i’d have just split as a hot drink probably was £3 or something less. But if you want to pay for your own, I can’t see why someone is annoyed, is she annoyed because she wanted you to absorb some of the cost of her more expensive meal? If so, she is the unreasonable one.

If Iwas that skint I either wouldn’t go out for lunch or I would prewarn friend I was just having one course as skint.

Really weird that OP won't say how much the difference was

A tightwad for paying her way?

I always give friends the option of
paying for what they had. Some I know will
split the bill if it’s near equal but if I had a steak or more courses then I would pay for what I had.
in this case I am guessing your friends was 7 or 8 more
so it seems reasonable that you should pay for
what you had. If your friend is unreasonable
about this knowing you are struggling then that’s pretty poor.

When you say slightly more expensive main, how much difference between what she paid and what you paid in the end? There’s a difference between 5 quid and 20 quid…

To paraphrase the well-known phrase, they've engineered such entitled privilege for themselves over a considerable time, that being suddenly expected to pay their fair share actually feels like oppression to them.

I disagree. Greedy friends are so entitled, they believe friends are tight wads for not subbing them. I'm sure you know the type. 😉

When I go out with friends we actually take turns paying the whole bill.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to pay your own. I also don't think it's unreasonable to split if it balances out over various meals. I don't keep track, to be honest.

On the original post she ordered more but didn’t say what the usual situation was. It says later but only after I replied. I was only speculating

@Jeska7 - My apologies, I inadvertently tried to time-shift there!

But why on earth would you need to warn somebody else that you can't afford to spend a load on yourself?

Unless they too couldn't afford to spend much on themselves, but had nevertheless decided that they would spend it anyway and leave you to pay for them?

I'm sure there are some wily bill-splitters who do deliberately knowingly work things to their own greatest advantage and happily swing it so that they end up decently in profit; but it's the height of CFery to assume that you have a right to make a profit from your dining companions.

YANBU and well done for standing your ground but probably not the best way to keep up with friends at the moment if you are already in debt (overdraft) as you'll never get in a better position financially if you're wasting money on ladies that lunch.

She's being a twat.

Ah, so OP refusing to sub her friend, who usually orders more and expects to split the bill, is a tightwad.

But the 'friend', sulking because for once she had to pay for the food and drinks she consumed, isn't a tightwad.

Gotcha.

Anyway, you've done nothing wrong, OP, YANBU. You paid for your food/drinks, that's perfectly fine. And if she continues to sulk, because you refused to sub her - ditch her, she's no friend.

I'm going against everyone here and saying you are a bloody tight wad.

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