Not going halves with friend on lunch

What did you save by not just splitting?

I would usually be inclined to just split evenly, because it's easier and less maths! But I'd have absolutely no issue at all with someone saying let's pay for what we each had, because how can it possibly be wrong or unfair or penny pinching to actually pay your way?

It's funny how the sort of people who do object are always the ones benefiting from a subsidy if the bill is split. Looking at you, BIL!

Could she be cross about something else? Its an extreme reaction.

Can you specify the difference in cost?

consider yourself lucky she is not talking to you, she is petty and obviously a user. Asking you to pay for half of her large meal is very grabby and disrespectful.
believe me you are better off without such a user.

OP says friend generally orders a bit more, so £5 x 4 times out becomes £20 and if they go our say once a month it becomes £60 over the course of the year. That’s a high friendship cost.

I do have friends where it does genuinely even itself out, but even then we will say “oh I had the glass of wine and should pay more”, to invariably be met with “no worries let’s just split “. Sometimes if it’s a big difference or a tight month then we will pay a different amount, but it’s always discussed and agreed and no one takes the hump.

Some posters on here are clearly used to being subsided or - almost worse in my mind - are happy to subsidise and therefore think others should be too.

Just tell us how much it was, OP. You’ve been asked several times, but you keep repeating “pudding and hot drink”.

For what it’s worth, I’m generally a splitter, and dislike the “working it out with a calculator and paying to the exact penny” ethos. However, if I’ve ordered a more expensive dish, or more drinks, or pudding I will put in extra to cover the cost. And I accept that not everyone shares my approach and wouldn’t sulk if they chose to pay only for their own items.

What a crock of shit.

Damn, I hit the wrong poll option (you used to be able to change your response, but it’s not working now?) anyway; YANBU!

Yes! Less confusion if it is discussed beforehand. I have learnt this the hard way.

I’m a great believer in just splitting or taking turns with people when you go out regularly - as a pp said, it all comes out in the wash on that basis. But in order for that to happen, you do have to split or take turns consistently, which means sometimes you gain and sometimes you lose. So I can see a situation where I’d be annoyed if someone was happy to split when it was in their favour, but then insisted on paying separately on those times when it wasn’t. Could that be why she’s cross - did you split the bill last time and she ended up paying more?

I do think that you have to be very, very clear about payment with some people before ordering unfortunately. This friend assumed that the previous ways of paying for food/drinks would happen for this meal. She wasn't told that for this meet it would be different.
The more clear people are about payment of meals/drinks before ordering, the less chance people have to make assumptions and expectations.
so people (CF basically) need it announced “By the way, you’ll need to pay for what you order and consume?!”
and some will go in a huff and be righteously offended if they don’t force others to pay for their meal?!

From your posts. She knew you were skint and is annoyed you didn't split(basically sub her meal). That's not a nice friend. When i go out I'm more of a pay for my own person.

I can't believe some are calling you tight, when you are in your overdraft. If I was your friend I'd probably sub you if I had the cash and knew you were struggling that month.

To be stroppy weeks later is pathetic. If I was the one who had the dessert and higher value meal, I would offer to pay more anyway.

It's always the cheeky fuckers that support splitting bills isn't it, expecting others to pay towards what they had!

Using 'warn' wasn't the right word to use, I admit.

I do think that you have to be very, very clear about payment with some people before ordering unfortunately. This friend assumed that the previous ways of paying for food/drinks would happen for this meal. She wasn't told that for this meet it would be different.

The more clear people are about payment of meals/drinks before ordering, the less chance people have to make assumptions and expectations.

This friend wanted to continue to take advantage of splitting the bill. No splitting the bill in this instance and she is now ignoring OP in a huff!

I once went out for a meal with two friends, friend 1 and I drove and ordered a pasta dish at £12 so our bill was £15 each . Friend 2 ordered a steak at £21 plus 3 large glasses of wine her bill was £36. Whe the bill arrived friend 1 and 2 were like oh least it and I said no I’ll pay for my own. I got a lecture from friend 1 about how we pay for the event not the specific items.
Weirdly despite becoming significantly richer than me and friend 2 over the years she has got very tight with money. (I think her dh controls their money and doesn’t let her spend much) and now scrutinises every bill to the nearest pound.
YANBU. Do you normally split the bill and she’s annoyed she got lumped with a larger amount? Now you know she expects you to supplement her.

For some a tenner is a lot. I budget. I rarely go out and do someone expecting me to pay an extra tenner would mean I’d have to buy less food that week to cook.

Nowadays there’s just no reason for people not to just pay for their own. It’s not like the old days where it was let all sorted by technology. I’m not paying for people to drink and eat way more than me.

Why on earth would you “warn” people that you’d not be paying for their meal?

They also both got discount with OPs card.

How much more would it have been if you split it?

If you're talking a the difference of a tenner or something I think you're being a bit unreasonable for not splitting. But I'm Irish and find everyone counting what they had to the penny toe curlingly embarrassing.

I split the bill, but anyone who has spent more always offers to pay for theirs. Just because we tend to split it or no-one is prewarned isn't relevant IMO. The fact OP's friend is now in the huff shows that she has been well aware that she's been stacking the bill in her favour. Not sure what she has to complain about (she's paying for what she consumed) and I would be too embarrassed to act like that. If I were the OP, I wouldn't split the bill with this friend in the future, but sounds like there isn't going to be a next time - maybe/probably because she wasn't able to take advantage of OP