Not going halves with friend on lunch

Well no it bloody doesn't help at all does it? It's not what the AIBU about. It's not what OP asked but put it in for context. It's not evolving it going off on a tangent and it seems to be having a dig for no good reason.

I would love MN to ban the snarky HTH

So you don't actually know that the reason she's not talking to you is anything to do with this bill? You don't even know she's not talking to you, just that she hasn't replied to your messages recently?

She obviously was as that’s why she asked to split and then was upset because she didn’t .

It was £7 between 2 people so £3.50 each.

👍 nice to meet you. 🙂

And so would I
What it's got to do with me is the OP asked for opinions and the conversation evolved.
HTH

I don’t think the friend is concerned about the money. That’s not why she’s upset.

The op said £7. That is enough for a pint of milk, a loaf of bread and half a dozen medium eggs which might not mean a lot on mums net but could go a long way in the real world. Op is completely within her right.

It’s a shame your friend has reacted this way. If it is particularly unusual behaviour it might be she is struggling with something and too embarrassed to say. Hopefully she will cool off and get back to you at a later date.

But that's not what "transactional" means.

Op's friend's attitude of "I will only be your friend if you pay for some of my expenses" is transactional, ie. you get my time, I get your money - there's the transaction.

100 % this ^^

Why not just go out for coffee or a walk in the park if you are on a tight budget?

I would rather do that than object to splitting a bill when both parties have consumed, within reason, more or less the same, or one a little more than the other, because over the course of a long term friendship, you usually end up more or less even anyway.

Or you should do anyway! Is that the case here op?

Only on mumsnet, a form full of wealthy people, would the responses include the poor staying at home and having no social life.

If you can only afford to pay for a cheap meal for yourself, don't bother going out with a friend. Unless you've got plenty spare and only then can you go out for a treat with a friend.

You are right . I don’t agree .

What's it got to do with you two what OP does or doesn't do with her money? Irrelevant to the post IMO - 'friend' should have paid her way without a making fuss. Frankly if a friend told me money was tight that month, I would have offered to buy her lunch too.

The OP got the friend a discount!

She's got no grounds to complain

This isn't a friendship. Friends don't shit all over each other. If you're 37 (just going on your handle name) then you need to learn that when people who you who they are, believe them, then leave them to it. There are other people out there who will make better friends than this woman.

I hate it when people split this bill. If I chose to have tap water so save some money then why should I pay for other people’s drinks? I really don’t understand why we can’t just pay for what we had, given that they were our own personal decisions

Oh, I misunderstood. I woujdn’t quibble over that difference. Still, friend having a huff over £3.50 is also unreasonable.

No €7 in the difference.... so £3.50 each.

Sorry, was the difference £7 each, or £7 in total?

The fact that you even noticed that her main was SLIGHTLY dearer says it all. A main is a main even if it cost a quid more than yours. If you are so broke AND overdrawn why on earth would you go out to eat. Whilst I don't agree with her falling out with you because you refused to pay £3.50 extra and totted yours up like Silas Marner, you do sound like you are a bit of a skinflint. Maybe she is tired of that.

No, it wasn’t. It was needed for context.
We’ve all been skint at certain times. Why would I patronise someone in that position?

I just feel that going out for lunch when a difference of £7 in the bill is financially significant, was a bad choice to make.

Others disagree - fine. But it’s not patronising to establish that context.

You said you "rounded up slightly". Did you therefore contribute very little to the tip so she ended up paying most of the tip?

Yes, I agree.

I’m guessing your meal only cost around £20 (main and coffee) and hers around £35 (bigger main, dessert, coffee, and almost double)so quite a big difference, so not unreasonable to pay your own. A bit different if the totals were £30 and £35, for example.

I don't understand your friend's attitude. If I go for lunch with a friend I will split the bill for ease but throw in extra if I've had extra.
It's never accurate but no one would be down more than a pound.

Your friend wants to take advantage of you for whatever reason and you setting a boundary around it this time out of necessity has led to her not speaking to you.

If this situation hadn't occurred, there would have been others in the future and I would guess if you were to start joining the dots, there will have been in the past times when subconsciously you realised the 'safest' thing to do for your friendship was to acquiesce. Often we make these little micro decisions to keep friendships on track without even realising that's what we're doing. Eventually we have to say no and that's when the shtf and we're left blindsided by the response.