And he showed up unannounced ... after I tried to help him.

I am so sorry you experienced this OP but your experience is far from unusual.

I have seen at least 10 + threads on this site alone whereby a woman has been kind to a (usually much older) "lonely" male neighbour and he has completely taken advantage and it has eventually turned into unwanted sexual harassment.

I remember one thread in particular a woman said she felt uncomfortable with her older male neighbour who told her how lonely he was and kept knocking on her door for chats. It was about 50/50 split with 50% telling her to be wary and 50% berating her for being so cruel to a poor lonely old man who just wanted a cuppa and some company. Most of us told her that women arent support animals for men.

She came back to the thread later to tell us he had tried to make a pass at her. It was what most of us had suspected.

This man is already treading all over your boundaries by outstaying his welcome and knocking on your door when you havent invited him. NEVER invite him around again. He may be bereaved but if he is truly lonely then why doesnt he try to make friends with other men his age, or join the many social groups we have these days? why is it that it always has to be women to relieve men's loneliness?

His head is saying shes not interested but his heart and dick are saying well she might be so I should get in there and not feel sad any more….

He probably needs boundaries established. You may have to tell him repeatedly youre not interested in dating as it feels like he’s not got the message.

cuddles = shag.

sigh. Men.

My thoughts exactly. He’ll probably be mortified once a few months have passed by and the op might receive an apology from him. (Also with you about people in general 😊)

Trouble is, they often find women who are happy to take pity on them.
Old friend of mine, useless on his own, turned into a total tramp within weeks of divorce - married to a neighbour within 18 months. Another one to one of his deceased wife's best friends, herself recently divorced, within a year. Neither particularly happy marriages, but just people propping each other up.

Oh god, this reminds me of when I naively befriended the awkward, quiet guy at work who was often on his own because I felt sorry for him.
He stalked me for months, had to be forcibly removed from my office by another member of staff and I had to get DH to pick me up for weeks as he used to wait for me outside for hours after he finished so he could catch me walking out. When DH arrived he would zoom away on his bike down the footpath. Honestly scared me to death. Learned my lesson, never again. The extent of my friendliness was smiling and saying hello and how are you, nothing more.

Oh I am cringing. The man has no self awareness and grief doesn’t excuse his behaviour.
Be ready for the next time your paths cross. He sounds so desperate that the message has to be clear. As PP said he’ll no doubt find a new one very soon and you don’t want awkwardness with your neighbours. It’s a shame he has lost a friend when he could do with one.

I know someone who married his dead wife's BFF two months after her death.

I think you'll just have to be very busy. Politely tell him you WFH on confidential calls all the time do can't really have visitors in the day. And if he invites you to an evening thing then again be busy.

If he keeps pestering you after you've declined just ignore further messages.

It's a bit annoying he's being this way but hopefully he'll get the message.

My thinking is that if he had an ounce of self-awareness he would have realised that he’s widely overstep the mark. Surely he would’ve realised that you were horrified when he appeared on your door, uninvited, with a coffee you don’t want and clearly having woken you up. He hasn’t, which is probably not surprising given the fact that he’s now re-joined your group.

You’re going to have to do all you can to damp down his enthusiasm, and also, to be on the safe side,explain to others that your u are only trying to show him a little kindness after his bereavement- in case they all get the wrong idea from what he tells them!

Any time I’ve taken pity on a man, I’ve sorely regretted it.

I don’t tend to like people and this shit is why. So needy.

However…he’s lost his wife 6 weeks ago and probably isn’t in his right mind. Not that that is your problem of course. But I suspect in 6 months time he will look back at this time and want the ground to swallow him up 😳

It really does sound like as another poster said 'no good deed goes unpunished' but well done on standing your ground this morning.
Some men do rely on women for all their needs and once she is no longer around, literally they will go to anyone who will have them and waste no time, whereas women tend to cope much better on their own.
This man will probably be moved in with another woman 3-6 months. Poor lady !

I said this because in his message in the group chat, he was saying how much he missed cuddles and that he hoped to find a partner again, but not yet.

Oh, ok.

This would've rang very loud alarm bells for me considering his wife's body was barely cold.

I'm sorry but this is a lot of men, I always tell well meaning women now that men do not need our help, they do not need help from women, if they need assistance then they can ask men or go to their GP, look up organisations for what they want/need.

The risk is just too great for women to take them on like this.

I hope your albatross gets the hint and pisses off.