Page 3 | To be really annoyed with nursery over this

notaminorthing · 2025-11-17T18:38:31+00:00

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2. However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal. I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

Original poster

notaminorthing · 18/11/2025 11:00

TJk86 · 18/11/2025 10:53

Easy or not you either do the job yourself or outsource it but accept they might have to do things differently and won’t always follow your preferred routine.

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I do accept that, which is why she still naps at nursery and not at home.

Given that she’s with me for five days out of seven a week, I think I can say that for the most part I am ‘doing the job myself.’ Not that it makes a difference, it’s just a way of trying to shake working mothers. You choose to work; you put your child in nursery so you damn well put up with any amount of inconvenience as a result? No, I don’t accept that, and nor should anyone else.

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TJk86 · 18/11/2025 10:53

wildone345 · 18/11/2025 10:08

Honestly people like you are so out of touch and ignorant. As if it’s that easy to just ‘give up work’. Also ‘raise them yourself’ is also a pathetic statement.

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Easy or not you either do the job yourself or outsource it but accept they might have to do things differently and won’t always follow your preferred routine.

Dontknowwhattocall13893 · 18/11/2025 10:19

AmberRose86 · 17/11/2025 21:26

urgh you lot don’t know your privilege 😁

my nephew napped like three hours a day until he was about 4 and still went to bed at 7 (took. himself. to bed.) and slept through. Mine were done with naps before 18 months.

Nephew is now 12 and still conks out before 9pm on a school night. My girls loathe sleep and are often found fannying around in their bedrooms until gone 11.

Privilege.

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My boy is the same as that posters and your nephew and just reliably sleeps and takes himself to bed and sleeps through but don't worry we know our privilege 😅
Also well aware its nothing we've done he's just like that. I tend to just quietly sit back and thank my lucky stars when my friends talk about their kids sleep problems. Mind you we have another on the way and a little nervous if our luck is about to turn.

wildone345 · 18/11/2025 10:08

MillicentMaybe · 17/11/2025 22:58

I would never be unpleasant about a two year old. I think you very much misunderstood what I was getting at. Think about it. 😉

Anyway, there’s only one thing I can suggest re getting your child to sleep earlier at night and that is to give up work and (and I know this is a revolutionary idea) actually bring them up yourself.

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Honestly people like you are so out of touch and ignorant. As if it’s that easy to just ‘give up work’. Also ‘raise them yourself’ is also a pathetic statement.

Dontknowwhattocall13893 · 18/11/2025 10:01

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 17/11/2025 21:07

But the OP is saying that it does mess up her kids routine. Both kids. All kids are different.

that’s why is so infuriating for her. If it didn’t effect their evening then I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded and wouldn’t have started a thread!

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To be fair that is what we were saying there if you read my comment that pp replied to. OP initially said it was common sense not to let them sleep too late and we just pointed that exactly as you say all kids are different so there is no such thing as common sense with kids sleep.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/11/2025 08:20

Wishing you luck.
Mine were up til 11:30pm (just under 2y and 4 y/o). I'm dead. 🥱😵‍💫

Original poster

notaminorthing · 18/11/2025 08:04

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/11/2025 07:47

@notaminorthing but your DD isn't sleeping all afternoon. She's just napping later than you want her to.

Pedantically I would say from 1:15 to 3:20 is most of the afternoon. In any event, it doesn’t matter what the actual timings are - the point is it made my life as a parent difficult and disrupted both children’s routines. I’ve sent an email to nursery; it was polite but hopefully clear so will see what response I get.

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Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/11/2025 07:47

@notaminorthing but your DD isn't sleeping all afternoon. She's just napping later than you want her to.

Original poster

notaminorthing · 18/11/2025 06:53

Weallgotcrowns · 17/11/2025 23:14

You say you’re so desperate for ‘quality time’ with your DS, yet as others have pointed out, you spent all evening on Mumsnet while ‘keeping half an eye’ on your children who are having too much screen time while you scroll your phone. YABVU.

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I’ve explained this at length. But how I ended up spending my evening isn’t the purpose of the thread. It’s just posters wanting to be sanctimonious. I could be the shittest mother in the world who ignores my two children daily; it doesn’t mean it’s right for nursery to ignore a request from me and to let DD sleep all afternoon.

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Springbaby2023 · 18/11/2025 05:56

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 23:01

Some of my very worst days have been when I’ve posted regularly on here. I can keep half an eye on MN and half an eye on a child. I can sit watching TV with the children and MN at the same time. I do believe you know this. That is different to giving actual attention to a child - that is very difficult to do with a two year old around.

I think those sorts of comments are quite spiteful and come under the bracket of the points raised on the site stuff thread about snide, unpleasant and needlessly hectoring remarks. I’m not asking to anyone’s opinions about how I spent my evening. It took me a long long time to get both children in bed, as I did so, I posted on here, mea culpa, I don’t want anyone pointing that out because quite bluntly I don’t really care, it isn’t the point of the thread and it isn’t remotely the same as sitting with your child having proper quality time with them.

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Turn your phone off and the tv off and have bloody quality time with them then. You don’t have to have one on one time with them each day. Your reception age child doesn’t need to do phonics seven days a week, sounds like you manage that six other days so that is fine (and way too much to be honest).

The reason you’re having a hard time here isn’t because of you wanting the nursery to cap the nap, that’s a reasonable ask. It’s because you’re making out that you absolutely can’t deal with two kids at a time so need to pack your pesky two year old off to bed while you can spend time with your darling older child. And yet you expect nursery to manage multiple children at a time, you are a teacher yourself, and you are able to spend a lot of time on mumsnet while said kids are awake!

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/11/2025 00:04

It's only one night a week though really isn't it? Friday your DP /DH is back and it's weekend so bedtimes not as important surely. So it's just Mondays. I don't understand how that can impact your life as much as you say..

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/11/2025 23:44

aneelli · 17/11/2025 23:36

Ring the nursery every day at 2pm to ask if she’s awake. They’ll soon get fed up n ensure she’s awake. My nursery will not allow any child to sleep past 3, purely from a safeguarding perspective

And likely dismiss her from nursery.

aneelli · 17/11/2025 23:36

Ring the nursery every day at 2pm to ask if she’s awake. They’ll soon get fed up n ensure she’s awake. My nursery will not allow any child to sleep past 3, purely from a safeguarding perspective

Outside9 · 17/11/2025 23:33

That's life when you outsource care for your child. Your child is one of several they have to cater for.

Children are not robots. Sometimes they sleep right on schedule. Sometimes for no discernible reason, they switch things up.

It's just one day. You may well have many more. Let it go

Weallgotcrowns · 17/11/2025 23:16

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 22:32

She is an annoying pest. She’s loved beyond all measure, she’s beautiful, very bright, lots of fun and I would and have undergo anything for her happiness. She’s still an annoying pest; most two year olds are.

@Mrswhiskers87 , she will stand up and collapse into you when you’re sat down; not really sure what else to call it 🤷‍♀️ hardly dramatic unless it was meant as a put down.

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Very sad to hear a child described by their mother as an ‘annoying pest’. You come across very self-centred and like your children are an inconvenience to you. You (presumably) chose to have them - maybe try less time on your phone and more time with them.

TJk86 · 17/11/2025 23:14

Also I love how some people think that nursery should be able to manage a perfect, personalised schedule of multiple children but some of you can’t cope with 2 of your own at the same time (I.e. do a bit of homework with the school child).

Weallgotcrowns · 17/11/2025 23:14

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 23:01

Some of my very worst days have been when I’ve posted regularly on here. I can keep half an eye on MN and half an eye on a child. I can sit watching TV with the children and MN at the same time. I do believe you know this. That is different to giving actual attention to a child - that is very difficult to do with a two year old around.

I think those sorts of comments are quite spiteful and come under the bracket of the points raised on the site stuff thread about snide, unpleasant and needlessly hectoring remarks. I’m not asking to anyone’s opinions about how I spent my evening. It took me a long long time to get both children in bed, as I did so, I posted on here, mea culpa, I don’t want anyone pointing that out because quite bluntly I don’t really care, it isn’t the point of the thread and it isn’t remotely the same as sitting with your child having proper quality time with them.

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You say you’re so desperate for ‘quality time’ with your DS, yet as others have pointed out, you spent all evening on Mumsnet while ‘keeping half an eye’ on your children who are having too much screen time while you scroll your phone. YABVU.

glittereyelash · 17/11/2025 23:13

Yep this is an issue with some nurseries. My chap had dropped his nap at 14 months and they were shocked and said that naptime was when they did lunchbreaks and they would now need to have an extra staff in the room just for him. They rang me on 12 seperate occasions saying he was unwell coincidentally always during naptime. I had to just switch places in the end.

Emonade · 17/11/2025 23:08

Nickyknackered · 17/11/2025 19:32

I'm a childminder and my sleep policy says i won't force children to stay awake. I'm happy to cap it, but I'm so tired of dealing with fractious and challenging behaviour until 6pm so parents can go home and put them straight to bed. Its not fair on the child or me, or the poor other children who have to be around it.

If parents don't like it, they are free to move on to another setting where they will, I don't mind.

This seems reasonable

Original poster

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 23:01

TheEllisGreyMethod · 17/11/2025 22:40

You actually are not being unreasonable to want nursery on board with your sleep routine, you're not unreasonable to find out why they won't wake DC. Our nursery has a no wake policy, but I have the opposite problem, my DD won't nap unless every other child is and wakes up at the drop of a pin.
But I do think you're massively unreasonable to claim later bedtime means you can't help your older DC, especially when you managed to update this thread 19 times in an hour tonight between 18:38-19:38, seem like that would have been a good time to do homework.

Some of my very worst days have been when I’ve posted regularly on here. I can keep half an eye on MN and half an eye on a child. I can sit watching TV with the children and MN at the same time. I do believe you know this. That is different to giving actual attention to a child - that is very difficult to do with a two year old around.

I think those sorts of comments are quite spiteful and come under the bracket of the points raised on the site stuff thread about snide, unpleasant and needlessly hectoring remarks. I’m not asking to anyone’s opinions about how I spent my evening. It took me a long long time to get both children in bed, as I did so, I posted on here, mea culpa, I don’t want anyone pointing that out because quite bluntly I don’t really care, it isn’t the point of the thread and it isn’t remotely the same as sitting with your child having proper quality time with them.

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daffodilandtulip · 17/11/2025 22:58

It's Ofsted's position that if a child needs sleep, they need sleep. The child's needs come before the wishes of the parent. The nursery would be in trouble for depriving your child of sleep.

MillicentMaybe · 17/11/2025 22:58

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 21:51

Unfortunately mine are both delightful alone. Together they compete for attention and wind one another up. I think I’d still be scarred from that as well

@MillicentMaybe maybe stop being unpleasant about a two year old? Jeez.

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I would never be unpleasant about a two year old. I think you very much misunderstood what I was getting at. Think about it. 😉

Anyway, there’s only one thing I can suggest re getting your child to sleep earlier at night and that is to give up work and (and I know this is a revolutionary idea) actually bring them up yourself.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/11/2025 22:57

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 22:52

I don’t especially want to change her habits; her habits are mostly fine. They have lunch at around 1130 and the children start going down for their naps around 12. DD doesn’t nap then because she just isn’t tired - doesn’t need it, so they run for ages to get her to nap and eventually she cedes around 115-130, but then if they wake her at 2, she’s not slept long and is grumpy so I suspect that’s when they just let her sleep for ages. It would be easier if they just didn’t try to get her to sleep at all, which may be what ends up happening to be honest; I’ll see what they say when I speak to them.

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I think the easier solve is waking her an hour earlier in the morning.

Original poster

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 22:54

Franjipanl8r · 17/11/2025 22:49

If you have a busy day and need an early night, do you force yourself to stay awake in order to stick to your own arbitrary routine or do you let yourself get more sleep?

Children are humans that need more sleep some days than others. Just like adults do,

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No, indeed and that works to a point. As I’ve said, she generally doesn’t nap with me but sometimes she will if she’s woken up early or has a bad night. That’s fine and that’s one of the reasons that I don’t want to cap the nap at nursery altogether. But staying up really late and sleeping for hours in the day isn’t ideal for anyone.

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Original poster

notaminorthing · 17/11/2025 22:52

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/11/2025 22:47

How many kids are there? I'm questioning nursery's ability to have separate schedules for kids.
Also, re my previous suggestion, I'm thinking it wouldn't take that long to change your dc's habits.

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I don’t especially want to change her habits; her habits are mostly fine. They have lunch at around 1130 and the children start going down for their naps around 12. DD doesn’t nap then because she just isn’t tired - doesn’t need it, so they run for ages to get her to nap and eventually she cedes around 115-130, but then if they wake her at 2, she’s not slept long and is grumpy so I suspect that’s when they just let her sleep for ages. It would be easier if they just didn’t try to get her to sleep at all, which may be what ends up happening to be honest; I’ll see what they say when I speak to them.

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