To think most mums end up a 'burden'....

You evolve from mother to friend as they become adults. That’s how you stay relevant. As you age you don’t over share minutiae and steer every conversation to yourself. It’s not that hard but it does rely on good health I think. Once older people become poorly they always get rather self centred and it’s usually at this point they become a burden sadly.

I adore my mum. We speak most days and I spend every Saturday with her (I’ve done this since DF passed away 4 years ago). I will drop everything if she needs me.
I owe her for the amazing upbringing I had and for the support she continues to give.

I think you just need to foster a relationship of mutual respect. I love hearing from/seeing my Mam, I'd be lost without her and could never see her as a burden. I imagine there are lots of people like me but of course we have no need to make posts asking for advice etc

I am dd to a mother who really struggled to let me go and live my life mainly because she was very unhappy in her own life for a variety of understandable reasons. Nevertheless, I felt obligated and it has taken a long time to create some boundaries and out myself first. Some examples, I didn't go travelling when I finished Uni and didn't move away due to her poor mental health. As a parent now I do see how suddenly teenagers grow up and how bereft I will feel when mine leave. I am preparing by making sure I have a life for me. Building my own social circle, hobbies and career. As I get older I entend to have a full life. I survive life before them and I will need to survive without them being such a big part of it too.

They are not your possessions once they are adults they have their own lives

Try not to make them feel guilty for being themselves, and thinking differently to you.

I had this. My DS and DIL live with me, whilst they save for a deposit. They started acting like I was living with them, making little comments about my "dependence" on them (I'm disabled but I still work full-time and I have a life of my own). Finally I sat them down with some hard truths. Showed them the bills and pointed out the extent to which I am massively subsidising them. Explained what my life would be like without them there (pretty busy, actually) and told them that whilst I sympathise with the difficulties young people face getting on the housing ladder, and they are very welcome, it is my house, I paid for it and I would really rather they had a place of their own. There's a lot less "burden" and "duty" talk now.

This is not the case for each elderly mother and her adult children

I think those who have a difficult relationship with their mother often feel this way (myself included)

if I had a fantastic, loving, mutually respectful relationship then I would never see her as a burden and would want to include her at every opportunity.

Sadly that isn’t the case

People are more likely to share posts about difficult relationships than easy ones. The people who have positive relationships with their mothers won’t be posting asking for advice on how to deal with them etc.

I suppose all you can do is foster a good relationship with them, and be supportive and don’t judge them.

The ‘well worn topics of conversation’ - I think the risk there is that people’s worlds can get very, very small post-retirement. So - remind yourself to be open-minded, learn new things, and express interests outside of your daily routine and memories of the past.