To still be annoyed at MIL about this??

To the OP - I can completely see why this upset you. I had lots of similar encounters with my MIL when my oldest DD was a few weeks old. She constantly told me how much my DD1 preferred her to me, called herself "mum" to my DD1, said she wanted to see her without me visiting (🙄) and constantly badgered me to leave DD with her overnight.

However, now DD1 is 3 and those things aren't important anymore. I am mum and I was much firmer with MIL when she tried to do the same with DD2. As pp said, you are mum and have the most important role in your children's lives.

"Anything your MIL does to try and steal your moments can never ever change the fact that you are the Mum. You are now and will always be, the most important person in your child's life."

This is such a lovely thing to say to a new mum ❤️

This OP but equally your feeling matter!

Sorry, I'm not 100% sure what the problem is but I'm thinking that your mother-in-law was being controlling in so much that she was holding your daughter at the stroke of new year, so that she would be guaranteed to be the first one to give the child a kiss and this was a power move?

And that's how you understood it to be, that you should have been holding her and therefore you could have given her the first New Year's kiss?

Only asking for clarification.

So it's been almost a year, you're thinking about the holidays now, you're thinking about New years and you're remembering how much what she did, pissed you off right?

Maybe it was a deliberate power move on her part in order to undermine you, and perhaps it was less so. Perhaps she just really wanted to keep holding her grandchild, and was secretly hoping to be the first one to give a kiss, not maliciously trying to deprive you, but just trying to make sure she got first dibs.

Still bother you? Yeah. Because it's getting to be the holidays again.
I always say forgive, but don't forget.
Cuz if you forget, you're going to make the same mistake again. But you should forgive to a point, because at this moment probably the only person who's got anguish and anger eating away at them is you and not her, and not your daughter... And who wants anger and anguish eating away at them?

(Edited a spelling error)

Why am I not surprised that you are told you are unreasonable? Always the way - cool mumsnetters are never bothered by anything. You are obvs not unreasonable!

You need a life OP.

My MIL was like this with our first, he is their first GS ( he’s now 25 ) and I still seethe over incidents when he was a baby, I find it really hard to confront people, avoid any conflict etc -I’m now at an age where I don't particularly care what people think of that, its the way I am.
I barely see my MIL now, maybe at Christmas if I can be bothered.
She would keep hold of him , to get his wind up, interrogate me over the BF, have I eaten anything spicy, she would say” surely he doesn't need feeding again” ….
They wanted to come over for new years eve ( 1999) but i put my foot down and said no, not sure shes ever forgiven me!
Funnily enough she wasnt much interested when we had our second DS, or 8 years later when we had our DD.
Try to push the thoughts of her out of your head, enjoy your time with your own family, she’ll probably lose interest.

Oh my goodness you’re still upset almost a year on ? I think there’s a backstory to this re your MIL. You handed the baby over and didn’t ask for her back so how is your MIL at fault ? I have never heard of this being a “thing” on NYE but if it is for you and your family you should have spoken up . Let it go and just get on and enjoy your baby

She probably thought she was giving you a break, you could of just asked for her back. Giving me anxiety just thinking about you worrying about it.

I suspect there’s loads of others things MIL has done and this just tipped it.
you should have asked for her back but it’s done now.
avoid MIL at NY?
she may have thought you wanted to kiss your husband so she was giving you two space?? Or is she usually controlling?

I think MIL comes over as dominating and thoughtless tbh. The bells may not be a big thing in the scheme of things but she knew what she was doing. OP will need to find her words in future as I expect she will become quite manipulative.

I didn't know that kissing your baby on New Year's Eve is "a thing". And to be honest it really wouldn't have occurred to me to be offended if someone (not just anyone obviously!) did it to my baby. But obviously OP there's a whole backstory to this.

I presume she was talking in general taking into account the Ops second post.

I don’t think your MIL did anything at all wrong - apart from that some people don’t like people kissing their young baby. Is that what you object to? Why would you specifically want the baby back before “the bells”? That makes no sense to me.

YABU -
to think that MIL wanted to ‘steal the moment from you’ rather than that she simply wanted to hold her grandchild
to have not taken the baby back if it was really that important to you to be holding her at midnight (find your voice!)
to have been upset about this in the first place.
to still be upset a whole year later

Really, let this go.

she's a cow

She's an arsehole

WTF? She gets called these names because she can't read OP 's mind? Seriously?

Good grief.

Maybe she wanted to and your dh to have a special moment. Maybe she wanted to avoid kissing her own dh at the bells 😅

She's an arsehole.
Step back.
Don't visit.
Mute her.
You should never have accepted the furniture.
It is not normal to gift someone furniture without discussion.

Stop being so accommodating, it will get you nowhere with people like that.
Is your husband a mummys boy?
I hope not.

What a cow. Lay down your boundaries now. For instance, if she buys something you don't like or want don't use it or tell her it's not to your taste. She'll walk all over you and your DD if not. She's not the boss!

First I've heard of this being a thing. But it meant something to you should have spoken up. Don't blame it on your MIL.

I found that I only learned to set boundaries after I became a mum. There were so many things I just put up with and didn’t even realise, sometimes I feel so angry at how much some close family members took the piss. This is a great example of someone knowing they aren’t going to be challenged and snatching a memory / experience for themselves, people like this often find ways to insert themselves into milestones and precious moments. It doesn’t come overnight but you need to make her know her place and protect your family time.

I bet this would be annoying and I think if my MIL had done this to me when DC was only 2 months old I would have been very upset. ( she wouldn't have done it because she was lovely).

However, try to see it in perspective. it was a random moment in time that your DD wasn't aware of and will have no memory of. Anything your MIL does to try and steal your moments can never ever change the fact that you are the Mum. You are now and will always be, the most important person in your child's life.

Grandparents matter and can be hugely influential but they are a step removed and will always be secondary to the influence and love of a parent.

My DD is currently pregnant with our first GC. I'm very excited and hope to play an active role in the baby's life but I would never try and usurp the parents. Anyone that tries to do that is doomed to failure.

Your statement applies to 90% of posts on MN. Why are you here if it bothers you so much?

You're still thinking about this nearly a year on? I would guess that a sizeable chunk of the population would be delighted to have something so utterly trivial to worry about. You are truly winning at life if that is the thing that is taking up so much of your thinking for so long.