To still be annoyed at MIL about this??

Well aren't you nice 🙄

I really would let this go. It doesn't sound like she was being mean but, for some reason you are holding onto this. I honestly couldn't even tel you where we were during the bells for either of my children. x

'Ooh, I bagsy being her first kiss at midnight! Throw her back over her, MIL, thanks!" All said while laughing and smiling. Easy. I'd have done that without a second thought and I'm very non-confrontational.

You needed to speak up. If you didn't want to hand your baby over to your MIL, then you shouldn't have done so, and said no. If you wanted your baby back for the bells at midnight, then you needed to tell her. I'm not saying your MIL isn't difficult but when someone is more dominant, you have to make sure you advocate for yourself - loudly. Equally, if you don't say anything, your MIL isn't a mind-reader either. You need to stand up for yourself and your child. Personally, it wouldn't enter my head that my baby should be in my arms for the bells at midnight. I don't see the importance of it to be honest. However, it was important to you, so therefore you should have said something to your MIL.

This. My MIL does the kind of things described by the OP. Arguably insignificant on their own but the more they'd happen and I'd struggle to speak up, the more they'd eat at me and I'd dwell on what I should have said or done which probably upset me more than the incidents themselves. The answer is to be stronger, speak up and put boundaries in place, which I'm trying to do, but it's a work in progress as it doesn't come naturally. Looking forward to getting to the point you're at @Sugargliderwombat

OP, speaking from experience, please don't let this eat at you. As a PP suggested, speaking to your husband about these and being on the same page could make all the difference.

Get a grip. Do you even hear how ridiculous this sounds?

Your mother in law probably did not realise how important it was for you and you should have asked for her back. Just let it go!

It genuinely wouldn’t occur to me to care whether I was holding a baby on the dot of nye. How odd.

It's very obvious when a new mum is torn about handing over her baby. Any mother, no matter how long it's been, knows the feeling and can recognise it in others.

You were unreasonable to allow her to take your baby from you and you were unreasonable for not taking your baby back but it does sound very mean of your MIL to do what she did.
How has she been since then?

So this is a much bigger picture than a NYE kiss. Don’t focus on that, as it minimises your issues and makes you look a bit petty.
You need to talk to your DH about your feelings and work out a way to navigate your relationship with her. Since she isn’t too interested in you, grey rocking may be the way forward, and leaving all contact between her and your child to your DH.
On the other hand, you may want to work at improving things between you - talk to DH and figure it out, but don’t get distracted by that one-off incident. It doesn’t help convey the whole story.

'She's happy here just now' would have been an appropriate response to MIL. YABU for not standing up for yourself.

My MIL was like this but she kept screenshotting my photos on FB and using them as her own (among other controlling behaviours and constantly taking baby off me) I wrote about this anomymously on an advice page I know she follows, changing some details. I caught her talking to DH about it, she went very quiet and now with her next GC she doesn’t do any of it anymore. Sometimes you have to slyly let her know what she’s doing without directly telling her.

I imagine this is a hurtful snippet of a wider issue. I found that the things that bugged me most were really the things where I was annoyed at myself, eg this would bug me because I'd be annoyed that i didn't speak up. I think just learn from it and speak up a bit more and you'll feel better. As soon as I started doing this all the things that used to bug me faded away because I knew they wouldn't happen again.

Wrong. It's not insignificant to be undermined and belittled. OP does not have to put up with it.

Just make sure she isn't around - or you are not around her - for her to interfere with all upcoming firsts. She seems calculating and into power plays.

I think the real issue is her ability to make you feel powerless and you are more annoyed at yourself, perhaps, for not taking control? This is what you must build on and make sure you don't lose out on any future precious moments.with your daughter.

Plan holidays, be unavailable, have spontaneous events, too late to invite them to etc. 💐

I had a MIL like this and I let her get away with it for years. I still remember the hurt she caused and I treat my own DCs partners very very gently.

Now I am grandmother age, I am astounded at the number of colleagues, friends and even my own DSIS who see their DILs aas rivals and say the most ridiculous stuff about them. How they have "stolen" their sons, it's all based on jealousy.

Honestly OP, you need to stand up to the bitch, I wish I had. You hold all the cards now.

Last new year

Talk about holding a grudge. Are you sane?

Let it go. Life is short. Tomorrow is not promised for any of us, including our relatives (young and old). Heal my friend.

There are so few people in life who will love your child completely and unconditionally. You have a different relationship with MIL but she is your child’s grandmother. If you want to be told she is a cow and YANBU then you’re in the right place, but in the grand scheme of things what she did is so insignificant it makes me wonder how you navigate the difficult things, and why after all this time you’re still thinking about it? Move on.

I voted yabu. Then I read your second post. You are not being unreasonable.

Boundaries. Get some. Be prepared for pushback. Be prepared for for DH to push once MIL goes to him when you won't comply and he wants an easy life. Been there!!

I always kept my MIL at arms length as she was nasty & controlling. But, when I busted her trying to get DD to walk and I realised she'd been trying to steal firsts with both DC all along, I stopped her being alone with DC at all. DH was half the battle a he was well trained. Took years to get him to wake up to her behaviour.

Pick your battles, but don't let anyone walk all over you!!

You are the only one to give your MIL the power to undermine you.
Be firm, say no. It doesn't have to be in a combatative or nasty way, just firm.
Does your DH support you or does he just go along with his mother?
Hopefully this year, if you see them at NYE, the baby will be firmly asleep!

I suggest your MIL knew exactly what she was doing. It was a deliberate act, thought about in advance.

If you are a pleaser, a non-combative person, maybe a shyer less confident person, it takes alot of guts to stand up to an older woman, yr H’s mother, someone who is verging on being domineering etc etc, it’s easy to just give in because often these people take you by surprise and to keep the peace you acquiesce whilst then deeply unhappy because you did. I’m not saying this is you OP. Watch your MIL , I strongly suspect this won’t be the last time she wants her own way with your child, be on your guard.

what's this business about bells? ws it New Years Eve?