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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lads trips

36 replies

Spacemoonpf · 17/11/2025 15:53

Hi all. Is it normal for husband to go on lads trips - mostly football trips when eg there’s World Cup or European holiday. I’m also thinking of going on girls trip.
we go on family and couples holidays together too. Initially I was uncomfortable and he said I can come along and we book our own hotel room.

Am I being unreasonable it shouldn’t be a common occurrence though?

OP posts:
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foodlovefood · 18/11/2025 09:13

DP goes clubbing in Ibiza every year. That would be my holiday from hell. But he loves it. Occasionally I and some of the other girlfriends / wives have joined the. after a week where we chill out for a few days. The guys recover and we have some great food.

CauliflowerCheese00 · 18/11/2025 08:34

My two lines are that it can’t use up so much annual leave allowance that it stops us doing holidays together, and it can’t significantly eat into finances - e.g. we’ve got upcoming building work and are both trying to save x amount a month so we’ve got a buffer. We both have our own money we keep from wages beyond this that we can spend how we want respectively.

butterycroissants · 18/11/2025 08:33

Spacemoonpf · 18/11/2025 06:48

I would really love to leave not sure why I can’t- and it’s not because of kids or finances- just not sure I can 😒

Of course you can 🙄

Wellyoudidaskaboutit · 18/11/2025 08:32

When my husband and his friends go away, they arrange an activity that reminds them they’re all mid aged with bad knees, have a few beers and fall asleep by 10:30. I’m more than happy to let him go.

It sounds like the problems in your relationship are more of a concern than any trip.

supersonicginandtonic · 18/11/2025 08:30

Yes my partner goes on a golf holiday and to a festival with his friends every year.
I do girls trips etc

EmeraldSloth · 18/11/2025 08:28

I’d probably struggle to trust him too. I think there are two different kinds of lads trips, one involves a group of friends having a great time together and the other has a culture of “lads, lads, lads” and “what happens on tour stays on tour”.

The culture is set by the group, so if he’s going with the same group of people, and has made no effort to change, it would be a red flag for me too.

Do you think he’s actually open to the idea of you going, or is he just saying that because he thinks it’ll persuade you to be okay with him going?

Blizzardofleaves · 18/11/2025 08:09

Why would you ever trust him again? It would be madness to think he will be any different this time. It would be a solid no from me, but then I wouldn’t be in this relationship at all after infidelity for this reason. You can’t trust him, you are right not to.

PollyBell · 18/11/2025 07:44

Spacemoonpf · 18/11/2025 06:48

I would really love to leave not sure why I can’t- and it’s not because of kids or finances- just not sure I can 😒

Maybe work on your self respect

gannett · 18/11/2025 07:33

Things I find utterly baffling:

  • Being in a relationship where going away with my friends was an issue, or where I'd have an issue with him going away with his friends
  • Only being friends with people of our own gender and only having "lads' trips" and "girls' trips" - I would see this as a red flag in anyone I was dating, and in this case I would be right
  • Staying with a man who cheated on me
GreyCarpet · 18/11/2025 07:14

Of course you can. You're choosing not to for some reason.

Original poster
Spacemoonpf · 18/11/2025 06:48

I would really love to leave not sure why I can’t- and it’s not because of kids or finances- just not sure I can 😒

OP posts:
PollyBell · 18/11/2025 05:58

Spacemoonpf · 17/11/2025 16:13

Thank you all. Yes there was infidelity in 2018 last time they went to Spain so now he’s saying I can go him to this time and we can also do our own thing

So he has been on 'lads trips' before so why are you asking now if they are common now?

He cheated so why on earth would you what him anyway if he going to cheat again he could do it at home

DrCoconut · 18/11/2025 00:30

To me there's a big difference between "lads trips" which you expect of club 18-30 booze and birds types and a holiday with friends which can be for anyone and any interest.

Whatlovedoes · 17/11/2025 23:10

Incredibly controlling behaviour, OP. YABU

Prelim · 17/11/2025 22:52

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2025 21:15

But he can’t be trusted. So there’s that.

Show quote history

Exactly. So why would you want to be in a relationship like that?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2025 21:15

Prelim · 17/11/2025 20:20

I can’t imagine being in an a relationship where you don’t trust someone to go away with friends.

But he can’t be trusted. So there’s that.

Swiftie1878 · 17/11/2025 21:00

Spacemoonpf · 17/11/2025 16:13

Thank you all. Yes there was infidelity in 2018 last time they went to Spain so now he’s saying I can go him to this time and we can also do our own thing

Then your problem isn’t boys’ trips, it’s your DH.
This is exactly why I wouldn’t stay with a cheater- it makes ordinary, normal fun activities something to stress over. No thanks. Ship out.

Takingbackmylife · 17/11/2025 20:54

Spacemoonpf · 17/11/2025 16:13

Thank you all. Yes there was infidelity in 2018 last time they went to Spain so now he’s saying I can go him to this time and we can also do our own thing

You should have mentioned this first!
You don’t trust him because he can’t be trusted so he shouldn’t be going IMO!

ethelredonagoodday · 17/11/2025 20:46

If we can afford it, we try to go away with our friends every year! Doesn’t always happen but we do try. Sometimes abroad, sometimes a holiday cottage, sometimes a night or two in London or away for a city break, but just depends on finances and our diaries!

we do also try to get away as a couple at least once or twice a year, even if just for a night here and there.

if there’s been infidelity then surely that’s an issue irrespective of whether someone is on a weekend away?

EmeraldSloth · 17/11/2025 20:27

It's totally normally, but YANBU if he has history of cheating on these trips.

How did you find out? Has he done anything to rebuild trust? Are you worried about it happening again?

A lot of nuance if he's cheated before...

Prelim · 17/11/2025 20:20

I can’t imagine being in an a relationship where you don’t trust someone to go away with friends.

Zempy · 17/11/2025 20:12

Spacemoonpf · 17/11/2025 16:13

Thank you all. Yes there was infidelity in 2018 last time they went to Spain so now he’s saying I can go him to this time and we can also do our own thing

Well that’s a very important drip feed!

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship if my partner had cheated. Of course you don’t trust him, he’s a filthy cheating scumbag.

In relationships where the trust hasn’t been broken, it’s totally normal to go on holiday with your mates.

TheDenimPoet · 17/11/2025 16:46

Going away with friends is fine, everyone needs their own space and a break! So long as the two of you BOTH get the opportunity to do so.

Mondaymanic · 17/11/2025 16:41

If he cheated previously that changes things. For me, no I'd never trust him again. But that's why I'd have left...
By staying you've either chosen to properly forgive, or else you haven't forgiven... Which is why you've a problem with him going away which is understandable but that means you're still in a relationship with no trust which I personally couldn't be bothered with as I wouldn't want to put myself through the worry and being the 'bad guy' down the line when things like this crop up.

LondonRower · 17/11/2025 16:35

It's totally normal.