is it awful to get one of the kids a birthday present from a car boot sale

You can buy missing pieces from sets online. I’ve done it myself when I bought pre loved Lego for my DS Christmas. Didn’t bother with the original box. Any old box would do.

currently eyeing up pre loved Lego on Vinted for DS 19 now! It’s a retired set…

I wouldn't look down on you. I'd think you were very sensible and being kind to the planet. Make sure that you have got all the pieces and the instructions though as others have said.

You are clearly a very loving mum and I can feel the anxiety in your post but please don’t worry about this! If I saw a wee boy getting something second hand at a birthday party Id feel a) impressed you found something good b) jealous about you saving the environment and saving money c) wish id had enough thought to do it too but i pay for convenience (shame on me)!

I really want to in still in my children to value something for what it is, not the shiny box it came in.

Also on a slightly different note, take your ex to court to get a reasonable contribution. Theres nothing worse than men that don’t pay an appropriate amount for their children!

@sunnywithashower33 just a warning. If you order any missing pieces directly from Lego (via their pick a brick service) they can take absolutely AGES to arrive as they mostly come from Poland.
They also don't have all parts availability.

He doesn't need to open his gifts from you at the party. He will be happy to have the exact one he wanted, im sure he won't be fussed about the box. You're doing your best and it's all good, don't stress.

No but they also don’t need Lego sets that they are hankering after with missing pieces.

I don't think it's unusual to open family gifts at a separate time, we always did it that way when I was a kid. It's nice to open any he gets from party guests whilst they're there, so he can thank them.

Would your eldest help you sort through the pieces to find out which ones are missing? The instruction booklet should tell you what pieces are in which bag, so it should be possible to rebag it into sandwich bags and number them up. Nothing wrong with giving second hand Lego, even if a few pieces are missing, you should be able to replace them for much less than £40.

Mine regularly get a mix of new and second hand, they don't really register what's not brand new because it's always been normal to them. If you have time I'd maybe have a go at making it while he's at school/in bed, to make sure it's buildable. If you already have a box of mix lego, you can probably find bits to substitute in for anything missing.

One of my best presents ever as a kid, to the point I remember how excited I was now and I am 45... was two big tubs of lego (including lego technics) bits my Mum got from a carboot. I hadn't asked for a specific set as I knew they were expensive. In fact these two tubs turned out to contain all the bits for a motorbike and some other vehicle, as well as tons of standard lego. We got YEARS of joy out of that, and I think she spent only about £5 on what has to have been hundreds of quids worth of Lego.

I recently gave a son’s friend (with his agreement) three old Lego sets of my son’s that I had set aside for selling on eBay. He was thrilled and whilst he announced loudly to those assembled that one of the pieces is missing but it’s only a carrot, so doesn’t matter, he was still very happy to get three complete Minecraft sets. I found his comment funny as did others, his mum was mortified (he has no filter!) But everyone was happy, so please please don’t stress about getting second hand, and to back up what others have said we’ve never done family presents at the party so no one else needs to know. The sets were complete with boxes and instructions. So he didn’t just get a heap of Lego.

If he complains that it isn't new, you point out that it's either the second hand set that he wanted or... he doesn't get the set he wanted. The latter is not the better option, is it?

If I were you I'd build it while he's in bed, so you can make a note of any missing pieces and order them asap.

First off kids often say their friends have better, newer, more expensive, but that is not always the truth! Secondly second hand is absolutely fine, however try and check the pieces and do not apologise that it is second hand, just go with how exciting it will be to build. It is really hard when things are tight but remember second hand what he really wants is better that him not getting it at all.

I buy lots of things second hand. I also think I’m helping out someone else who will be glad of the money. Facebook marketplace is good too.

That’s a great bargain because second hand Lego usually retains a lot of its retail price.

You’re doing your best for your child. It’s also better for the environment. Give yourself a break.

Secondhand Lego is a HUGE market.
It's not unusual to buy secondhand Lego.
Adult Lego fans flock to trading shows to buy secondhand Lego.
I would be honest with him and say there might be bits missing.
It the vast majority is there it won't matter unless it's a really unusual piece (which doesn't happen very often).

I dont disagree, I was just answering why the threads are popping up as you say

Don't be so hard on yourself! I got loads of second hand toys and it's fine. I remember getting a fancy My Little Pony house and my mum explaining that she'd found a bargain - it would have been too expensive otherwise. So I basically got a bonus. Frame it like that.

1. Second hand definitely ok. You found an amazing bargain!! What are the chances of finding the exact one.
2. Definitely don't open in party. It will be manic enough anyway
3. If he's already got some Lego, he might be able to substitute any missing bits with things he's already got

Enjoy his birthday!

My friend used to borrow toys from the Toy Library, wrap them up, the children played with them for a while……then she’d take them back!
In your situation, I’d buy a nice storage box with a lid. Clean the Lego if necessary, and then put it into the storage box and wrap it. You could ad a couple of small kits inside too. No need to worry about a damaged box that way.

You really need to calm down - second hand is more than fine. In fact, if he told the other parents it was 2nd hand, they'll only think of it positively. All you need to do is check the instruction manual for the pieces you need. If some bits are genuinely crushed and it's not worth saving, then you've tried your best and you've only lost £3.

I don't get why it's so bad to get children gifts which are not new. 🤷‍♀️ The posters always say 'i feel bad' but surely most times the children do not care.

Kids not not need everything brand new.

Just saw your last post and wanted to say we have never opened the gifts or cards during the party. We always do it later when DC has space to react privately - it can be hard for little kids, or DC with ALN to hide disappointment if they did'nt get quite what they expected. It's also too overwhelming most of the time. Just because others in the family do it like that, does not mean you need to. Some people think it's rude to open presents in front of the giver, so that's another angle.

I'm sure your little boy will have a lovely birthday, and you taking some time to sit down with him to help build his lego/show an interest will be remembered much more than if the set is new or not.

This. Cross posted sort of.

I knew you could buy pieces, but had not realised they would replace pieces for free. If that's correct it's a fabulous service, and helps justify the high price they charge for new lego sets!

You sound very stressed and under a lot of pressure. You are doing your best, so try not to worry what others think!

If you are very worried about it and can afford it, how about you get him a cheap 'new' thing as his main present, and give him the second hand lego as well? That way he gets something new as well as the lego you know he wants.

It's a bit tight for time now to get done before his birthday, but you can get replacement pieces off the lego website (click on link, then follow steps I put below):

https://www.lego.com/en-gb
Home
Bricks and Pieces
Pick a Brick

If he's really into lego, it's worth trying to pick up sets second hand because they are so expensive. If there's only a few bits missing you can replace them for very little money. Have a look for future use - I think you may be a bit overstretched at the minute!

Usually there is a page at the end of the instructions with a picture and number of each piece in the set - so 1x means one of that piece, 4x means 4 in total of that piece. There is also a number below each piece - this is the individual code for each piece in case you need to order more from Lego