MIL wanting 1:1 time with GC aged 1

She wants a custody day.

That's a no ma'am.

She had her kids. Did she give her MIL a custody day starting from when her kids were 1 year old?

She wants to pretend she's your kid's parent, that's why she doesn't want you around. I would not encourage her at all in this. She's very entitled.

Now it's your turn to enjoy your child. It's not selfish for a parent to love spending time with their child.

I’d love to have in-laws who wanted to look after GC. We’ve had to use babysitters when we’ve wanted a break as no family to help. I’d give my left arm to have GP’s who could look after them and actually desperately wanted to

I think that when the parents are around, the baby/child will naturally still want to be with their mum / dad more than grandparent. I know my mum in particular loves time with my DC without me there, she can relax more as she can do things her way and they in turn interact with her more and rely on her more. I do t see this as a negative, in fact it’s very much a positive and now at age 5 and 2 I love that they have an adult who I can fully trust to leave with at any time and who they absolutely adore. I never need to leave her instructions (unlike MIL who has barely spent any 1:1 time with them) she just gets on with things her way.

As other posters have said I think it's really suspicious that your MIL wants to have alone time. It sounds controlling - what does she want to do or say to your kid that she can't when you're there. Personally I would not agree to this with a MIL who treated me badly for 10 years unless I really needed the help (which it sounds like you don't). You don't get to treat the mum badly then demand access to her baby, sorry!

So ungrateful. My kids have one dead grandma and one with dementia. No chance of a lovely relationship there

@Caerulea actually I think it is okay at times to withhold a child from say a grandparent. If granny was continually bad mouthing me, no way would my child be in their presence to hear that.

YABU

My in-laws were already having our two for sleepovers at that age. They and the DC loved it and so did we.

We've literally zero information on what the behaviour was, absolutely none at all. The fact remains that you don't withhold your children from relationships with grandparents cos you don't get on (assuming no abuse, obvs). That's not ok

"clearly got off to a poor start"??? The OP says she was unwelcoming for 10 years! That's not a start!

I am sure when OP has her own kids and grandkids she wont have been rude to their partners for a decade and then expect everything to be hunkydory.

Exactly! Most posters are just brushing past or ignoring the part of OP's post where she states that it took MIL a decade to accept her into her family. I wonder what those 10 years were like for OP with MIL excluding her from family stuff. I'm pretty sure that OP would be much more relaxed about her MIL having some 1:1 time with her baby if MIL had been kind and welcoming to her from the beginning.

I am so jealous! Where do you get those MILs who want to spend a whole day, never mind an hour with your snotty, non-verbal and tiresome 1-year old? I am so jealous!

Well if you want to be the primary carer in the moment surely you have to have a half decent relationship with the actual parent. Not treat them like shit for a decade and then realise that actually they are now useful so you'll start behaving yourself.

My mum has had my DD 1 day a week since she was 10 months. She’s now 13 months and has had a sleepover twice without me.

DD absolutely loves my DM, and for me it’s great they have that relationship. DD is fortunate to be able to spend quality time with other trusted caregivers. She has a great time whenever she goes!

But my DM really put in the effort to create a relationship, coming to see her at my house pretty much weekly since she was born. I can’t say how I’d feel about MIL having DD alone so young. It’ll never come up with my MIL though - she’s been providing granny’s daycare for her other DGC for over a decade, and she’s not as hands on with our DD.

Obviously this is your and your dh's call, as parents.

But can you imagine the other thread, if she didn't offer ?

'"MiL has SiL's dc 3x a week and has never offered to look after ours"

I guess we are all coming from our own perspectives.
My parents died when my dc were very little. I'd give anything for them to have known my parents and had a special relationship with memories of doing things, like my sister's dc have of their Grandmother (my sister's MiL). My PiL would very, very rarely even babysit once mine were in bed though. Never spent time with them without us. Never came along to support with things. Wouldn't dream of having them for an hour whilst I went to the Dentist of for a smear test of to have my haircut let alone meet a friend or do anything for myself.

I'd definitely let their Grandma do this for them, for you , and yes, even if you felt it was for her.

The MIL was hostile to the OP for a decade, how has she not done anything wrong?

MN doing that very weird thing again about MIL's being creepy & strange & trying to be a parent again. Absolutely bloody ridiculous. I can promise you that as a nan & a MIL I've done my parenting of small ppl, thanks, now I want to GRANDparent which is entirely different (& much less stressful).

OP - heavily check your motivation here, cos this is about your DS relationship with her, not yours. It's extremely unlikely she's trying to replace you, she just wants DGS to herself for a bit. Why not suggest she take him to do the food shops, or something? That way it's just a few hours.

But please do not buy into the notion that grandparents want to actually parent or there's something sinister going on, cos 99% of the time there's just not - we just want to chill with our tiny family members as the primary carer in the moment, that's it.

I wish my parents would have offered to have my kids more when they were little. I don’t really see an issue? It’s good for your ds to get used to not being glued to you all the time, it will make things easier if there was an emergency one day and you needed someone else to look after him (say if you had to stay in hospital or another family emergency). I understand the worry of parents having different parenting styles and them maybe allowing your child to do things you would not allow at home but it really won’t hurt for the occasional day, it may actually be beneficial to your ds and to you?

I think it's lovely that you MIL wants to spend one on one time with her grandchild. If you don't think he's quite ready, just say so, but make sure to thank her and say you'd love to set something up when he's a bit older. Or find a time that might actually be helpful for you and suggest she has him for just half a day, given his age.

Your reasons for him not to do this seem a bit flimsy. Don't do anything that feels uncomfortable for you, but do place significant importance on your son developing a close relationship with this grandmother - it will benefit him (and you, and her) in the long run.

Completely up to you. I don't think he's too young, I have had my GC on my own regularly since birth, including sleepovers as that suited their parents. But if it doesn't suit you, then you don't need to justify yourself. If I were you I'd try to decline with tact if you can though, emphasising how much you want to do the things, rather than that you don't want her to iyswim? As given the amount of contact she has with you little ones cousins, it would be good to preserve a relationship so DS doesn't feel like the GC who gets less attention from grandma.

@BridgeovertheriverTest unfortunately the MIL looks as if she has lived up to MN stereotype by not being nice and welcoming to her DIL.

This is MN where all MILs are evil. One day, if you are lucky, you will be a MIL trying to negotiate a relationship with GC via your own DIL. When that day comes you will surely long for some 1:1 time so your DIL isn't scrutinising your every move and looking for anything she can take offence to.
You might remember how tough it is to be a young mum, and imagine you can support your DIL at the same time by giving her some time off.
Your relationship with your MIL clearly got off to a poor start. Maybe that was all her fault, or maybe she had her reasons for being slow to welcome you. However that is, you are allowing your resentment and dislike to shape your judgement. Countless children are looked after by GP at this age as an alternative to paid-for childcare. Your MIL looks after her other GC and raised your DH so presumably she's capable of spending 1:1 time with her son's son. Ask yourself honestly;
Would I feel differently if I liked MIL?
Would I feel differently about my own DM spending this time with my DS?
Am I acting in DS's interests or my own?
How will I feel in future if she starts favouring her other GC because they are closer?

Fwiw, I agree with @Calliopespa and others that it's key to start small. But I don't agree that she wants something she shouldn't. Set boundaries if you need to, start small, find occasions where MIL looking after your DS works well for you (even PFB allows you to meet up with friends or go out for dinner with your DH without a toddler in tow). But try not to let your impaired relationship with MIL marr your son's precious extended family relationships.

@BeeDavis she sees him every week, just not on her own. She can build that relationship up. But if MIL is not very nice to OP as the child gets older they will notice that granny isn’t nice to mummy

I have looked after my two grandchildren one day a week from about this age to help out with childcare. We have a cot for naps or they would sleep in the pushchair if we went out for a walk. I’m biased but I think everyone has benefitted from this and relationships have strengthened across the board with both my DD and DDIL.
I disagree with a PP that ‘I want to parent a second time and do things my way’. I have always been very careful to follow their parenting choices and not undermine them.
Why not have a chat and explain your hesitation and maybe compromise on her having him for the odd afternoon?

I don’t understand why people make this so deep, she just wants to spend a bit of time with her grandson? My mum and MIL have always had quality time with my little boy, he’s 4 now and loves the bones off both of them!