MIL wanting 1:1 time with GC aged 1

Well done for trying OP, but she's really not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she? It clearly didn't occur to her that in order to have longer 1:1 time with your DS in the future, she needed to do everything by the book so you would know you could trust her. Instead, she's done the precise opposite! 🙄 When she asks again (and she will) I would point out to her that you can only leave your DS with someone you trust to care for him in the way you expect him to be cared for; that you gave her this opportunity to show she could be trusted and she totally blew it. She's a foolish woman.

She Sounds awful. Going to your DH when you said no is really low. I hope he told her not to try that again?

Not surprised. Just stick to your guns now.

Dog licking his face?, absolutely disgusting.
She wouldn't be minding my child again and I would embrace the fallout.

I think it's what the rest of us know as hyperbole

I'm not saying she did what does the DH think of it all. Been quiet on that front

Where has OP said that’s what’s happening?

I would also fundamentally disagree with this. In our house, if either parent has concerns about leaving DC with anyone, they are taken seriously. It’s not about “vetoing” each other but working together to keep the kids safe.

I think either parent should be able to veto leaving a baby alone with another person. But also there is a biological and societal asymmetry that does make a mother’s role different (for most families) in the first year or two, and that should be respected not undermined.

First post nails this.

This scenario comes up a LOT on MN.

She sees him very frequently and is pitching this as giving you a break but you don't need one and don't feel right about it so please say no.

There is no reason why she needs to be alone with him for a whole day - it's just all about her. You're also wise to think of the additional requests that will come next.

And ignore any nonsense on here about 'Just don't expect her to babysit in the future when it suits you'. .

My eldest was at nursery from 13 weeks. I didn't prefer to have her with me 24/7. Of course the " people you know" are going to be of a similar type to you

Nor is the DIL automatically entitled to veto the sons choices

Lots of babies are in childcare, you are correct.

But I don't think the issue is that op thinks it simply isn't possible for the baby to do so if she needed to. It's that, having taken the time out of her career so she doesn't have to, is it reasonable for the mil to then request she lets her have the child as a weekly fixture.

If op wanted the time to herself, it might be an opportunity she would jump at. But, for whatever her personal reasons are, spending time with her baby has been a priority for op.

I also don't think op is at all bothered about spending time with the MIL and the baby, she just doesn't want to surrender the baby to someone else for a full day. Lots of mums do feel like that, Not everyone has to feel the same - which is why it is good that there are far more options in society now. My BF couldn't wait to get her dc into full day childcare. But some mums don't feel like that, which is why they take leave at significant financial cost.

If I were you op, I'd say to MIL let's make sure we spend time together every week ( I think you said it's currently every week to two weeks?), but I'm not yet comfortable leaving him as a regular thing. It is good for him to forge a bond, but the MIL shouldn't require you not to be there. The baby certainly doesn't. Children are quite capable bonding with two parents in one home without one parent being sent off regularly.

…which she isn’t automatically entitled to.

Does seem odd seeing at most children of working parents will be in childcare of some description at that age

Why does 1 feel very young to be alone with a grandparent?!?!?! WTF My baby spent the day with grandma occasionally from 6 weeks!

AND HER SONS CHILD

Just tell her you won't be comfortable with that for at least a few more years. See where you are at then but you are under no obligation to allow him.

@BridgeovertheriverTest

Completely agree. MILs on MN seem to be the devil incarnate. Only one notch above cheating H’s.

Mine wasn’t perfect, in hindsight so wasn’t I when I was a new and anxious mother.

But she did love my kids, and I am happy they had a relationship, while she was around…

Most mothers of sons complaining about their MILs don’t seem to understand that one day they’ll be MILs. And they will turn into pumpkins too.

Yawn. More hyperbole. If you want to see fewer threads about MILs who misbehave, maybe direct your efforts towards the MILs.

I think this is a perfectly normal and healthy extended family arrangement.

I don't see why the Mil should take umbrage at this suggestion.

I would say she can visit whenever she wants and spend time with him with you being around in case he needs you. He’s too young and needs to be with his mum at this age for his good emotional and physical development. Tell her that he’s young you’ll discuss when he’s a bit older but that she’s welcome to visit anytime

@saraclara you are ignoring the second paragraph where the OP says MIL is very pushy so that is why people are assuming it comes across as a demand, and also that she will want to push it further. And also let’s face it if granny was very easy going and just wondered if she could take baby for a walk in the pram on her own OP probably wouldn’t have posted.