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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

116 replies

BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:32

I don’t think I’m hugely precious about my house, but I am also conscious that we upgraded our soft furniture, carpets etc a couple of years ago now our children are tweens and less grubby (in theory!).

My Brother and SIL came to visit last weekend with their 2 year old DN. He’s very sweet but he’s two, so a messy eater. They repeatedly allowed him to take food onto the sofa (cream coloured) and armchair, as well as taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.

A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair.

I then felt I had to either smile and say it’s fine, or push back, when surely the fact she asked means she knew it wasn’t ideal?

But then the toddler has a tantrum if his food is taken away, and I feel like I’m the bad guy for triggering it. We have plenty of non carpeted spaces and A TABLE but they didn’t seem to want to set boundaries. If it had been me, I would have insisted the food stayed at the table and not put the veto back on the host.

AIBU?

OP posts:
eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 17/11/2025 15:41

BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 15:24

Okay, so you get it! They also seem to offer him 5 different options all in adult portion which all get uneaten. It’s a huge waste

Show quote history

We made a huge roast yesterday - lots of options of meat / veg / sides so something he would like and cousins to sit and eat with. But he sat in the other room eating snacks!

After lunch they took him home for his lunch... it was weird. But gave me time to hoover the crumbs out of the bloody sofa!!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/11/2025 15:35

"A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair."

You feel as if you are being the bad guy, when it is they who are being the bad guys in multiple ways (not respecting host, not teaching child basic life skills). So have an answer ready that pushes the 'bad' back onto them.

I would answer 'You know I mind. Why do you keep asking? My answer is NOT going to change.'

That way you are not the bad guy for restating your known boundaries, she is the bad guy for trying to override your already-stated boundary.

Isayitasitis · 17/11/2025 15:32

I would only say yabu by not enforcing it!

Your house and your rules! Why say it's fine when it's not.

They should know better and have shocking manners. But dont let them do it out of politeness. They aren't being polite to you.

Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 15:24

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 17/11/2025 15:17

We have a similar issue when my brother brings his 4 year old round.

4 year old is allowed to sit in another room, watching TV and eating biscuits while a plate of food for him, at the table goes cold and into the bin.

Every time.

Okay, so you get it! They also seem to offer him 5 different options all in adult portion which all get uneaten. It’s a huge waste

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 15:23

I didn’t actually realise the weetabix was happening at the time, until they brought the congealed bowl back down the next morning. It definitely hadn’t been eaten! Weetabix is like cement when dry too, so I’d have been furious if it got into the carpet.

They didn’t bring a high chair but put a cushion on a normal chair to prop him up a bit when he was at the table.

OP posts:
Genevieva · 17/11/2025 15:23

I’m on the same page as you. It is easier to teach a toddler by instilling good habits early. But as they aren’t, I’d buy some big cheap throws that you can bring out whenever they visit.

sesquipedalian · 17/11/2025 15:18

“taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.”

This is the point at which I would have lost it! Just tell them: no food upstairs, and no exceptions. I think the throw on the sofa idea is a good one, in order not to fall out with your DB and SIL, but I think they are massively unreasonable.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 17/11/2025 15:17

We have a similar issue when my brother brings his 4 year old round.

4 year old is allowed to sit in another room, watching TV and eating biscuits while a plate of food for him, at the table goes cold and into the bin.

Every time.

coxesorangepippin · 17/11/2025 15:12

Yeah, he's always been an angel

Until now!!!!!!

coxesorangepippin · 17/11/2025 15:11

Crappy parenting

Toddler eats at the table. Or doesn't eat.

No, he can't go upstairs in the bed to eat Weetabix, what the f are you thinking, sil?? Tinkly laugh

Patchedupsocks · 17/11/2025 15:11

Crap parenting comes to mind from your brother and sil.

aCatCalledFawkes · 17/11/2025 15:05

Did they bring a high chair? My niece is coming to us this weekend and I'm fully expecting a high chair as well as a stair gate to be dropped off with her. Also in the bedroom is a bit yuck, can't they just take him in to the kitchen to feed him?

CasperGutman · 17/11/2025 14:55

BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:53

I think it has happened as until very recently he was an angel so they’ve never had to say no before!

Show quote history

Even a truly angelic child, who really wants to do the right thing, needs parents to teach (and demonstrate) appropriate behaviour.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 17/11/2025 14:54

“All food at the table, cheers. Saves my nice new sofas!”
”Yes, at the table. Same rule for all of us!”
”yes, still at the table 🤣!”
”here you are, I’ve put wipes at the table for you! Thank God we've passed the sticky finger stage!”

on repeat. Constantly,

Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:53

Lottapianos · 17/11/2025 14:52

'I got the sense they didn’t want to push back on the toddler for fear of sparking a response, so were hoping I’d let it slide.'

Well they are in for a world of pain if they're afraid of saying no to their own kid! They sound wet and hopeless.

It's not precious or uptight to have rules in your house, and they should respect that . I would be fuming

I think it has happened as until very recently he was an angel so they’ve never had to say no before!

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:52

nomas · 17/11/2025 14:49

Don't have them to stay again. You should be able to tell your brother the rules of the house.

I do like them though! I don’t want them to not visit again.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 17/11/2025 14:52

'I got the sense they didn’t want to push back on the toddler for fear of sparking a response, so were hoping I’d let it slide.'

Well they are in for a world of pain if they're afraid of saying no to their own kid! They sound wet and hopeless.

It's not precious or uptight to have rules in your house, and they should respect that . I would be fuming

Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:50

mamagogo1 · 17/11/2025 14:48

Just state all means to be taken at the table. 2 year olds should be sat at tables to eat, who takes food upstairs, that’s just weird. Mine sat at the table from 6 months for all meals, no issues at all

the food upstairs was at bedtime. Apparently he said he was too hungry to sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:49

FourFiveEightNine · 17/11/2025 14:47

To preserve your relationship with your brother I’d have some cheap throws ready to cover your furnishings next time they come.

It’s annoying but not worth a rift …

I really like this, because I don’t want to fall out with them. There is no way I can turn them into mega cleaners and I think any attempt to change their parenting won’t be successful or well received, so this is a great middle ground solution.

OP posts:
nomas · 17/11/2025 14:49

Don't have them to stay again. You should be able to tell your brother the rules of the house.

mamagogo1 · 17/11/2025 14:48

Just state all means to be taken at the table. 2 year olds should be sat at tables to eat, who takes food upstairs, that’s just weird. Mine sat at the table from 6 months for all meals, no issues at all

FourFiveEightNine · 17/11/2025 14:47

To preserve your relationship with your brother I’d have some cheap throws ready to cover your furnishings next time they come.

It’s annoying but not worth a rift …

oviraptor21 · 17/11/2025 14:47

So I'd have a conversation/message with your brother before they next come -
"Dear DB. Now your toddler is a little older could you have a chat with him before you get here and let him know that he wont be able to eat food anywhere except at the table. In fact it's probably a good idea to have everyone adopting this rule for the duration of your stay, so it's easier for him to understand and get used to it".

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/11/2025 14:46

BuckwheatBlini · 17/11/2025 14:39

Oh I did say no, but it was just annoying having to do so repeatedly. To be fair, I think they are similarly lax in their own house.

Actually they as adults are just as bad, e.g. leaving a half eaten apple on the hallway carpet (intended to be eaten later but still messy…). I’m FAR from anal about cleaning but they make me feel like I’m precious.

They left an apple on the floor to be eaten later?

These are not normal people.

Gettingclose · 17/11/2025 14:45

I think I’d have just said to wait a minute until I add a throw. Just a fleecy blanket or large towel or similar, nothing difficult to wash. Up to you though, your house, and we are a messy bunch here to be fair 😅

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