Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

I voted YABU because nobody can make you feel anything, and you chose to do nothing about the situation.

“In this house we don’t have food away from the table, you don’t mind , do you?”

Sorry but it’s your house , so your rules. Tell them all food eaten in your home is eaten at the table, no discussion or debate. As parents they can deal with the meltdowns - why do they get a let but your own DC whose home it is don’t !

(Not really on)

Message them now and say “the next time you visit, please feed your two year old at the table. We love having you to visit but letting a 2 year old eat on our soft furnishings is not reon. Just thought I’d mention it now so you know for future visits. Looking forward to seeing you next visit”.

YANBU. It reminds me of being on holiday in Greece with friends and extended family years ago. One of the kids in our group sat on my lap at dinner for a few seconds and when she got up my trousers were wet. I whispered to her mum that I thought she’d wet herself (didn’t want to embarrass the child) and the mum said: “Oh she goes anywhere - she’s feral!” and laughed 🤷🏼‍♀️

I had this with my brother at the weekend. My toddler was sat at the table while my brother let his daughter rub crumbs into my sofa 🙄. And when I gently tried to say something about moving to the table, he guilt-tripped me about wanting to take food of her! Different parenting styles as adults are really hard. I feel like families respect your space less than friends.

My DB and SIL's kids aren't allowed at her DB's house as the kids haven't been taught to respect others things. As they practically live in a hoval, my SIL is the laziest person I know and expects the kids to do it all. When we used to go out for food years ago. She and my brother would let their kids drop food all over the place. And leave it for some bugger else to pick up. This is just one thing on a long list of things that they've not been taught properly.

So no I don't think your being unreasonable, things cost money. And children need to learn boundaries and respect for not only other people's things but their own as well.

Because it’s easier obviously.
I’d have no problem with people eating on sofas in my house (as long as they’re covered to save hassle from spills). Each to their own though.

My SIL's kids are like this. When she asked if she could visit we said not till kids are older. The problem with other people's children is you can't discipline them like your own.

You have to be consistently firm with SIL about enforcing your rules around food and mess in your house. It’s irrelevant what they choose to do at home.

It’s all very well them being lax but when she takes him on play dates, he’ll either get told off by the host or they simply won’t invite him to return. It might be worth pointing that out to her if he’s her first child, as she might not realise the implications at this stage.

DS has always eaten at the table until he was about 15yrs then we allowed him to eat some meals on the sofa in front of the TV with us. No food taken upstairs EVER.

Any visiting children also have to follow our rules and it’s never been a problem.

We had houseguests like this once when we first moved into our new build home. Toddler running down my freshly painted hallway with a yoghurt and spoon. Bastard yoghurt all up my walls.

Apparently the child refused to eat unless on the move. Hmm, no. Not in my (brand new) house. I sent DH to Mothercare to buy a highchair and told the parents that the toddler ate at the table in the highchair or they could find somewhere else to stay.

Unlike the (lovely, kind) OP, I'm an anal bitch with an obsession for cleanliness and a hatred for ill-mannered children 🙈. The child ate in the highchair. The houseguests never returned.

They'll be getting a lot of practise with the word 'no' once he hits two!😂

It was meals at the table and a damp faceloth ready for hands and face before DC got down from table for us at this age. I am faaaar from precious, but I am probably a bit lazy, so if I can avoid creating more work and dirt to clean up I will. A 'mummy' friend of mine once told me that she'd be happy for my family (with young kid) to stay at her - very gorgeous - home if she was away because she appreciated that I always made sure DC ate at table and wiped the kid up before getting down. She did not feel the same about the friend who let her kids run around with snacks and sticky hands. To be fair, that friend was a lot tidier and more organised than me and had a clean home, but the sticky hands and food detritus everywhere puts a lot of people off.

I think the PP who suggested throws was spot on. Really good compromise for downstairs. I would insist on no cereal in the bedrooms though, and I don't even have carpet!

Difficult to know which way to vote, as obviously YANBU to expect food to be eaten in the kitchen / dining area / at a table / where there are hard floors, but I think YABU not to have just been firm and breezily said "Oh, no, in this house no food goes out of the kitchen" or "All food to be eaten in the dining area", and set the example and stuck firmly to it.
All your posts saying they asked again suggest you were somewhat half hearted.
I've had people staying in my hoe over decades, and people tend to follow your rules in your house, whatever they might choose to do in their own, if the expectation is clear from the start.

3 days !?!?! They wouldn’t be saying for the night again in my house, sorry. You are definitely not precious, it’s your house and your rules. I think it’s very disrespectful of them especially if your furniture and carpet got stained…. Child is a one thing it’s the parents who need to… you know, parent.

My 4 year old literally never eats anywhere but the kitchen table! Odd morning he’ll have toast/waffles in bed. They’re taking the piss

Having read a few more of your replies, sorry your brother and his family are tramps.

I know there are different standards but leaving food on carpets is disgusting. I have 2 dogs and they clean up their crumbs if they make a mess ffs

This is a SIL issue by the sounds of it, @BuckwheatBlini call your brother after and chat with him

make it clear that your happy to see them, but absolutely no food ever away from the table in future, no weetabix in bed, nothing.

Haha i imagine this in our house. Both me and my partner would have happily showed them all the door the second they started eating anywhere other than the kitchen/diner. I could just about put up with not eating at the table in the seating part of our diner but i would 100% expect the parents to keep an eye and clean up any mess.

Non negotiable in our house, you eat with table manners and zero mess otherwise you go outside.

Your house = your rules. They need to nip the never saying no in the bud. Weetabix in bed is ridiculous, they are pandering to him way too much

You are more polite than me, as l would probably have got bored of the repetitive questions / boundary pushing and told them to stop asking!

The kid was in bed, and sheets can be washed, but clearly a parent feeding him as nothing was spilled.

It’s your home, @BuckwheatBlini say no, all food at table, or she can feel free to take child to a cafe

shes perfectly comfortable being an unspeakably rude guest, you need to be fine being a firm host

if she gets offended and never comes back.. RESULT!

Also the apple thing, it also makes it sound like you tried to make out it was worse than it was, when in fact it was someone going for a walk, wh0 placed the uneaten side down for a few mins whilst they shoved some shoes on, to go and then eat it when they went out. I don’t really have an issue with that either.

then feed him at the table?

weetabix on soft furnishings is so grim