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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? I’m genuinely not sure

131 replies

calacatta · 17/11/2025 12:39

I was in a position to do the “Delivering Joy” initiative in Dunelm. For anyone who doesn’t know it, you pick a tag off the tree and it’ll have the gender, age and what they’d like for Christmas.

I spent a lot of time on mine as I wanted someone who might not get anything actually feel special at Christmas.

I took it into store (it was really quiet) and gave it to the woman working the tills and the interaction went -

“Is this where you drop off the delivery joy gift bags”
“yes”

Handed it over. That was it. I just thought there would be a “thank you”. Literally nothing more was expected. I’m not this generous person they need to bow down to and so many people will have participated.

Aibu unreasonable to have expected a thanks?

OP posts:
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GaryLurcher19 · 20/11/2025 05:58

I was joking, OP😂

StillAGoth · 19/11/2025 20:16

calacatta · 19/11/2025 13:56

What should I have said thank you for?

Edited - I just realised it was you 😂😂. So obsessed with the thread, it’s kind of creepy honestly.

Edited
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You asked her a question/requested information and she provided it.

And, actually, in this scenario, I would have thanked her for taking the donation from me.

ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 18:10

calacatta · 19/11/2025 15:39

Right .. so an automatic thank you is expected from me? But someone taking in a donation doesn’t have the same expectation? Interesting

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You're the one demanding thank yous, surely it's for you to answer this?
You're adamant she owed you one, but none from you to her (the one who actually should have)

DappledThings · 19/11/2025 15:43

calacatta · 19/11/2025 15:39

Right .. so an automatic thank you is expected from me? But someone taking in a donation doesn’t have the same expectation? Interesting

Show quote history

Yes. Because she wasn't taking in the donation. She doesn't represent the people ultimately receiving it or the organisers of the scheme.

It's such a minor thing though. Mostly I would expect both parties to say an automatic (and so automatic as to be basically meaningless) thank you but I wouldn't have even noticed if I was the one offloading my donation and wasn't thanked for it by the person who happened to be available to take it off me.

Original poster
calacatta · 19/11/2025 15:39

DappledThings · 19/11/2025 14:46

And she didn’t show me where to place it. She took it and dumped it behind the till.
For which I would have thanked her. She would have done me a small act of service by responding to my question and taking the item off me so I would automatically give her a quick thank you. I haven't done anything for her so while a quick thank you would probably also be automatic for most people it makes less sense.

Right .. so an automatic thank you is expected from me? But someone taking in a donation doesn’t have the same expectation? Interesting

OP posts:
DappledThings · 19/11/2025 14:46

And she didn’t show me where to place it. She took it and dumped it behind the till.
For which I would have thanked her. She would have done me a small act of service by responding to my question and taking the item off me so I would automatically give her a quick thank you. I haven't done anything for her so while a quick thank you would probably also be automatic for most people it makes less sense.

Original poster
calacatta · 19/11/2025 14:31

GaryLurcher19 · 19/11/2025 14:13

"Thank you for asking me to make a donation and showing me where to place it!"

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Eh?

Why in the world would anyone says “thanks for asking me to make a donation”. ?? Do you think she came and knocked on my door a couple of weeks back and said “hi make a donation to us!”

And she didn’t show me where to place it. She took it and dumped it behind the till. So why would I thank someone for telling me where to place something .. when I didn’t place an item anywhere.

People on MN are so weird … I mean why stop there? I should have said “thank you for letting me in this store, thank you for letting me see the stock on the shelves, thank you for letting me use a space in your customer car park, thank you for working today, thank you for existing”

OP posts:
GaryLurcher19 · 19/11/2025 14:13

calacatta · 19/11/2025 13:56

What should I have said thank you for?

Edited - I just realised it was you 😂😂. So obsessed with the thread, it’s kind of creepy honestly.

Edited
Show quote history

"Thank you for asking me to make a donation and showing me where to place it!"

Sidebeforeself · 19/11/2025 14:09

But you said “ the cashier as a representative of that person “ ( the recipient) did you not?

Original poster
calacatta · 19/11/2025 14:01

Sidebeforeself · 19/11/2025 13:50

No, OP believes the cashier represents the recipients - she actually says that in her response to me.

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Not all. But whichever member of staff takes a donation they are representing the store and charity.

Why have code of conduct written into employees contracts if they don’t represent the business?

And no I’m not saying her saying thank you is in a contract. I’m saying that employees represent a company.

OP posts:
ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 14:01

calacatta · 19/11/2025 13:56

What should I have said thank you for?

Edited - I just realised it was you 😂😂. So obsessed with the thread, it’s kind of creepy honestly.

Edited
Show quote history

Are you high?

Original poster
calacatta · 19/11/2025 13:56

ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 13:41

OP appears to have.

As a pp said, in this interaction it was OP that should have said thank you, and she didn't.

How appalling.

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What should I have said thank you for?

Edited - I just realised it was you 😂😂. So obsessed with the thread, it’s kind of creepy honestly.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 19/11/2025 13:50

GaryLurcher19 · 19/11/2025 12:41

OP's point is that they didn't even do that.

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No, OP believes the cashier represents the recipients - she actually says that in her response to me.

ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 13:41

Katypp · 19/11/2025 12:45

MN really is weird sometimes. Is this what we are becoming? So hyper-sensitive to 'boundaries' and the imagined things that may be happening in someone's life that we have lost the art of manners and/or basic human interaction?

OP appears to have.

As a pp said, in this interaction it was OP that should have said thank you, and she didn't.

How appalling.

Katypp · 19/11/2025 12:45

MN really is weird sometimes. Is this what we are becoming? So hyper-sensitive to 'boundaries' and the imagined things that may be happening in someone's life that we have lost the art of manners and/or basic human interaction?

Bellaboo01 · 19/11/2025 12:44

calacatta · 17/11/2025 12:39

I was in a position to do the “Delivering Joy” initiative in Dunelm. For anyone who doesn’t know it, you pick a tag off the tree and it’ll have the gender, age and what they’d like for Christmas.

I spent a lot of time on mine as I wanted someone who might not get anything actually feel special at Christmas.

I took it into store (it was really quiet) and gave it to the woman working the tills and the interaction went -

“Is this where you drop off the delivery joy gift bags”
“yes”

Handed it over. That was it. I just thought there would be a “thank you”. Literally nothing more was expected. I’m not this generous person they need to bow down to and so many people will have participated.

Aibu unreasonable to have expected a thanks?

What dd you expect from the worker at Dunelm?

Whoever receives it will be very pleased and thankful

x

GaryLurcher19 · 19/11/2025 12:41

Sidebeforeself · 17/11/2025 12:53

The cashier isn’t the representative of the recipient though. I agree they should have had the basic manners to say thankyou but they are not really obliged to do anything else.

OP's point is that they didn't even do that.

Original poster
calacatta · 19/11/2025 12:34

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 18/11/2025 23:55

@calacatta

What children ?!!!

I quote ' and no idea why you think it’s a gift for a child.'

so...what child/children...

How embarrassing….

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 19/11/2025 11:48

If you just wanted vindication, don't ask the question that is bound to elicit responses not agreeing with your very firm position. Or at least don't get wound up when the inevitable happens.

MissDoubleU · 19/11/2025 10:56

Love that the Op started the thread saying she’s genuinely not sure if she’s BU and hasn’t accepted or listened to any version of “yes, maybe a little”

StillAGoth · 18/11/2025 23:55

calacatta · 18/11/2025 10:38

So if you go into a charity shop with a bag of donations and hand it the person there and they say nothing, you would think that’s an ok interaction?

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It's the dynamic of the exchange not the context that is relevant.

You asked something of her (information); she provided it (the required information); you should have thanked her for providing what you requested (the information). Exchange over.

In the example you give of me donating to a charity shop, I would be the one providing ergo the other person would say thank you.

She was only involved in your charitable donation because you involved her by asking her something. Not because she was a person nominated to receive the donation.

Therefore, she had no reason to offer thanks.

If you'd asked her where the lampshades were, or example, and she had provided that information, you would have said thanks. You wouldn't have expected her to thank you for choosing to buy a lampshade from Dunhelm.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 18/11/2025 23:55

@calacatta

What children ?!!!

I quote ' and no idea why you think it’s a gift for a child.'

so...what child/children...

Original poster
calacatta · 18/11/2025 23:21

ChillBarrog · 18/11/2025 15:49

No I did not, I presume you're talking about a UK store, which is not where I live.
And she was a random woman, to all intents and purposes. She was not a recipient of the gift, she was not the organiser of the charity drive. You did not buy anything from her, so were not a customer who deserved any particular customer service.
You asked her a question, she answered it. No need for her to thank you for anything.

Your need for notice and validation for doing a small act of charity means you've been debating online for days about whether this woman should have thanked you (and you disingenuously pretended that you weren't sure if you were being unreasonable, when you clearly think you aren't), and you're so excised by her lack of gratitude that you won't give to.this charity drive again.

Do you hear yourself? Is this really who you are?

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Wow a whole lot of made up rubbish on your side, they I don’t even have the energy to correct you.

Debating for days? 😂😂 I posted this yesterday. People continued posting on it. Should I not be allowed to respond after 24 hours? Do you hear yourself?!?? Is this really who you are?!?! Will someone think of the children!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Katypp · 18/11/2025 23:07

ChillBarrog · 18/11/2025 20:58

Yes it is when you're expecting it from the wrong person.
Which bit are you not getting?

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Does it not strike you as rude though?
Surely it's just,an automatic response. I would struggle NOT to say thank you if someone handed me something

Greenwriter76 · 18/11/2025 21:05

YANBU - I think it’s basic politeness to say thankyou when someone hands you something in this context, and in a shop between a cashier and a customer you can add basic customer service to that!

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