Expected to care and provided for my older brother

He could either do a mutual exchange for a smaller place or take in a lodger, income from lodgers is ignored by UC.

i do wonder if the expectation is one that is more in your head than anybody else’s? It is possible to believe things about your own family that aren’t actually what they think. But you know them, we don’t.

Just to be clear, no you don’t have to have an alcoholic to live with you just because you’re related. You don’t have to have anybody.

A hernia doesn't make him too ill to work. OP--Please don't even let him into your house for a visit. See him and your Mom at her place or in public.

When the time comes, just say "No". You can only be a doormat when you let someone wipe their feet on your back. You worked long and hard for what you have and work long an dhard to keep it. It is YOURS and only YOURS. And your cats, who are nice enough to let you live there and take care of them.😉😻

He can expect what he likes, his expectation places no obligation on you.

I would just put this on the back burner until the time comes. If he does expect to move in with you then get strict with him

Just noooo! You have no responsibility for xx grown man. It wouldn’t work and you’d be miserable, don’t do it.

And I agree, it isn’t your mother’s house. The house belongs to the council, and it will be decided by them where he is moved to (otherwise he can rent a room in a house share like everyone else in his position) he needs to address his addiction.

He didn't work in the private security sector, did he? Close protection ...? I ask because my recent ex-partner did, and he is in more or less this same situation as your brother.

Earned loads, never saved a penny, never bought a house, a car, a pension ... and finally, he claimed he was too ill to work (at all, doing anything) and decided to sit and watch me earn for both of us.

Eventually, I made him leave after he wanted to take my car one day to go see his friend while I had just worked an 18-hour shift to make ends meet!

After I made him go, he soon shacked up with another poor woman who is fully supporting him, but this was only after his mum, in her late 80s, said he could no longer live with him in her retirement housing! He had been sponging off her for decades until he was in his fifties!

But he still uses her address for his mail (including lots of debt) and doesn't pay bills or council tax anywhere!

Op this isn’t your issue to fix. He needs to get a job. I wood be having a frank conversation with my mother about her enabling him to stay there rent free, and not pushing for him db to become an independent man. A few hernia operations would not prevent anyone working long term

After that I would be asking my brother what his plans are. I would be clear that moving in with you isn’t an option and never will be. In an unapologetic way. Once you have had that conversation you will feel better. He is a perfectly coherent adult man, and not your problem op.

As it is HA he will have to move to somewhere smaller. Let the council sort him out when the time comes. Massive assumption on both their parts. He is an adult and not your responsibility. Don’t let him move in or the council will deem him not homeless. He won’t be able to stay where he is though. Is he allowed to live there? Surely your mum should tell them? It isn’t her house.

I wouldn’t say anything. Your mum won’t be able to make you do anything. Just point him to SS if the time comes. Does she rent? Would he have to move out if she died? If the subject comes up just say it won’t be happening and he needs to get his ducks in a row. He isn’t disabled just useless with money.

If he is legally living in a council/housing association property in whatever capacity, and the tenant dies, and so is made unintentionally homeless, then the local authority have a duty of care to house him.

That is likely to be a hostel or if he's really lucky, 1 bed flat/bedsit, which will be within his means to pay for from his benefits.

If he is NOT legitimately living there, ie, not registered there, she's been paying less CT as a single person etc, ie his status is that of a temporary guest, then they don't have that duty of care.

Not your circus, not your stinky idle monkey, if anyone suggests you should have him, you suggest they have him right back.

If he's living in her house when she dies the housing association will likely have to go to court to evict him, they won't be able to just tell him to leave. He will be able to get housed through the council in some kind of emergency accommodation if he has nowhere to go and no income and gets made homeless through no fault of his own. Don't let him over your threshold or they will consider him housed.

He's not disabled and needs a carer , he's A scrounger. You have no. obligation to him at alk. Let him reap what he sowed.

The council will make him exchange for a 1 bedroom

As an aside, why are there so many useless fucking men around who expect female family members to look after them?

Just say no and keep saying no. Why should you be his carer?! From what you had put as your title, I was assuming he was disabled, but it sounds like he’s just wasted his money.

He can take his chances like everyone else and try and get to take over your DM’s tenancy, but that’s it. He’s not ill, he doesn’t need caring for. Just be clear with him and your family now that he needs to make his own arrangements.

The housing association will have small flats which are suitable for single older people. There is not usually the same demand for this type of property as there is for family accommodation. It will be down for the HA to help him if they are going to evict him.

Why would he need to live in a three bed house?

What happens to him after your Mum passes depends on the actual tenancy agreement and HA policy.

I'm in HA and my tenancy includes succession rights which means that when a tenant dies, a close relative can take over the tenancy. My HA has conditions though - this includes (1) the close relative has to have been living with the tenant for a certain period of time before the tenants death, and (2) if the new tenant would be under-occupying the property (ie. has spare bedrooms) they will be offered the tenancy of a more suitable sized property.

In your brothers case, my landlord would likely allow succession of the tenancy, but he wouldn't be able to keep your Mums 3 bedroom house for himself. He'd be offered a one bedroom property. If he refused that one bedroom home, they'd evict him - and then he'd be classed as making himself intentionally homeless so the council would not have a duty to re-house him.

It might be worth looking at your Mums tenancy agreement to see what it says.

No point in saying all this. She just has to say ‘No you can’t live in my house.’ End of.

It's not up to them.

If they are shitty, the fastest way to shut them up will be to say

"Thanks for volunteering to put him up instead. Oh what do you mean you don't want him? I thought you were mad into helping out family, and since it's not workable for me, I already told him you'd definitely help him out. He's going to be so disappointed as he'd got his hopes up."

"Or do you just think I have the word "mug" tattooed on my forehead?"

I’d simplify this to brother or any other person who has an opinion. Just say you’re only allowed to work from home because you live on your own, due to client confidentiality. I doubt they’re going to phone your boss and check, and if they do, that gigantic breach of trust gives you an added reason to limit contact.

You have to use your spare bedroom as an office don't you? As for family expectations, let them expect as much as they want. Stand firm and say NO. Your brother, who TBH sounds like a waster, is a grown man who is not your responsibility. Please stand firm or he will end up as a millstone around your neck.

Of course you don't have to have him live with you. Anyone who tries to force you to share your home is abusing you. Emotional abuse is still abuse. If it happens you report it to the police as a crime, you report it to social services as a safeguarding issue. No one has the right to do this. You have the right to your life. When your mum passes he will have to deal with his own shit, like any other grownup.