To be upset with what my friend said?

I think how noticeable it is, might depend on where the OP has lost it from and what she was wearing at the time.

Some people (I know quite a few) only notice weight loss when a person becomes really slim, if that makes sense. Up to that point - no. If not slim, they're classed as fat in those people's eyes. So, for example, if you were size 22 and now you're 18 or 16 - you'd be considered fat and not worth commenting on (I really do know people like that).

I was always very slim, but due to various issues, gained a lot of weight at one point in my life. Then lost it all, plus more, went from 113kg to 55-ish. That's 7.5 stone, I think. Or thereabouts. Two friends of mine haven't really noticed or said anything until I was almost down to my end weight. One day one of them suddenly said: oh wow! You're actually skinny now, you look amazing! It's bizarre, because I went from size 22ish (I'm very tall) to 6/8 and he noticed only when I was about size 10.

He's a lifelong friend, I've known him for decades, since I was a child, and know he wasn't being malicious or a knob deliberately.

It could be that. Or she's being knobby.

Congratulations on your weight loss.
Very impressive, you should be very proud of yourself .

When I lost 2 stone, mainly from a virus, can't take the credit, well everyone noticed. So to lose 4 stone would be very noticeable. She's not a good friend. Well done -that's a lot to lose!
You don't need anyone else's validation or support as you've done it yourself. Keep going.

Could she mean she can’t tell it’s 4 stone, rather than she can’t tell at all? Were you in baggy clothes? I suppose I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but quite honestly the fact she said sorry means she knew full well you’d be upset and she said it anyway. She could easily have said, ‘Is it that much? Wow! Well done!’ and that would seem nice like she didn’t think you even had that much to lose. I think we all know weight is sensitive so to be polite.

She might not have noticed because

• she sees you often so the change isn’t as noticeable to her
• she pays more attention to what you say than how you look
• the cut and colour of clothes can disguise or accentuate weight

You brought that one on yourself.
You asked. She answered.

If you didn't want an honest answer you could have phrased it differently. You could have led with how much weight you've lost and how pleased you are.

I recently saw a friend who has lost a lot of weight, she asked similar and I replied she looked amazing. Honestly I couldn't tell but then I never really paid much attention to her body because she's a friend and I'm just always pleased to see her and tend to look at her face. Sorry it ruined your night, maybe your friend always saw you as skinnier due to similar reasons.

Also, no-one noticed when I ditched the glasses I’d worn for 15 years. People are just oblivious

@pastaandpesto I'm the same, severely weight blind (and hair blind even when people make a drastic change)...

If it was me in this situation, I would've just smiled and said you look great so I Do agree her reaction was rude.

I wouldve felt so awkward being asked so I do think you put her in an awkward situation.

If by some miracle I do notice that someone has lost weight I rarely comment as not all weightless is for good reasons and one friend that I did actually compliment later told me the reason she had lost so much weight was because she had been going through a really hard time so I just avoid the whole topic now.

Do you see her very regularly? I remember years ago someone I saw every day saying they'd lost x amount, and although I nodded along and said how well they were doing I privately thought 'surely not, they look the same as always' but then I looked back at photos of them from when we first met and realised they must have gone down at least one dress size if not 2! I just hadn't noticed because it had been a gradual change over a year or so, so there was never a 'wow, you look different' moment.

I've known three people over the years with significant weight loss (3 stone) and not noticed. I've been really embarrassed when it's been pointed out to me and they clearly expected that I'd have said something first. Even when they'd told me, I struggled to see it. I think maybe I just didn't look at their bodies in that much detail maybe. If they'd asked me if they'd looked thinner I'd have felt really put on the spot as I don't want them to feel bad about a great achievement and I don't want to lie to their face, so asking how you look is a lose lose in this situation I think.

So going against the grain but I don't think it's her fault, and I think you put her in a difficult situation by asking

I have one of these friends. I know it's because she would like to lose weight as well, she could afford the MJ tbh but doesn't want to spend on it. I don't mind really. I'm doing it for myself.

It is mentioned, we laugh at my spaniel ear boobs and she has actually given me clothes she no longer fits in. But me looking better/succeeding in being healthier is hardly mentioned. It's alright - I really don't mind because I know it's tough being overweight

Me too - i’ve only lost a stone so no one has noticed yet… but I’d be really happy if they just said - “you look nice” or something.
Please fuck off mentioning my weight - it’s not anyone’s business!

The thing is people can't have it both ways really.

The majority of MNetters say they dislike it or get offended when people mention their weight.

So many of us wouldn't ever mention it whether they've lost weight or not.

I really don't pay much attention to weight, I have a couple of friends who tell me about their losses and ask if I can tell. I politely say I can but in all honesty I don't see the difference. I don't know if it's because they're both friends I've known for a very long time and they are often on and off diets so I just don't see the weight. I don't see my friends aging neither, we're all late 30s but I think we look the same as we did at 18.

Just to give a different perspective, I am oddly "weight blind" and generally don't register even quite significant weight changes in other people until they are pointed out to me. My very dear friend apparently gained almost this amount (and she wasn't large to begin with) and I honestly didn't really notice. She was miserable about it and thought I was just being kind when I said I couldn't tell. She recently lost it all and again I didn't notice, which in retrospect I felt terrible about because she'd worked incredibly hard and was deservedly feeling really good about herself.

I upset a coworker a couple of weeks ago who mentioned being on WLI and I asked her how it was going and if it was working for her. She gave me a WTAF look and coldy said that it was obviously working because she had lost three stone. Again I felt awful but I genuinely hadn't registered. But equally I had never seen her as someone who might want to lose weight in the first place.

You know your friend best, do you think she was being underhand rude?

Those saying why haven’t people commented, I’ve lost 8 stone and HATE people commenting, so I wouldn’t comment on anyone else’s weight loss.

Unless it was an obvious weight loss I’d start worrying she was testing me and if I said yes when she hadn’t lost any she’d think I was a bullshiter 😬 (I’m a worrier).

Well, she wasn’t being very considerate in her response but it is possible that she’s not noticed.

I was 10st overweight and have now lost 4.5st and a few people are only just starting to notice. Even my dad a couple of weeks ago was skeptical when I said what I’d lost so far.

I’ve gone from a size 22 to an 18 so still very overweight…. I can see that it may not be obvious yet as I still look big.

you’ve done so well though, well done

And sorry..after all my waffling...well done on your successful weightloss. No matter how any of us do it, its a challenege and a journey that does deserve a well done.

I disagree. When people are like 20 stone plus you often can’t tell until a lot more is lost

Maybe shes jelous of your success. Does she have weight issues?
Im really struggling with envy because I literally do not have one single friend at the momemt that isnt or hasnt been on the jabs. Every time i meet up with a friend they look lovely and slim. Im literally struggling to lose weight. I gym 2 hours a day and walk 5 miles a day (ive had 9 months off work & start a new job in 8 weeks). Ive been in calorie deficit and struggling to lose weight and inches. I feel hungry all the time and miserable, so take myself on long walks in the cold and wet into the woods away from shops and my fridge so i dont cave into the food noise and my rumbling tummy.
If i could have the jabs I would be on them for sure.

I dont resent thier success but i am envious with their success.
I never voice it but ive come home and cried once or twice out of my frustration of feeling "im being left behind" I am still the fatty and becoming the only fatty in my circle.

I very obviously have HUGE hang ups about my weight and Im ashamed to say a few times recently not been able to offer compliments on thier svelt fab appearance unprompted.

Weight. Food relationships. Appearance hang ups...are huge problems for many people.

Don’t ask the question unless you’re prepared for the answer.

It’s literally impossible for anyone to know whether your weight loss is visible or not. And fishing for compliments is a bit crass really.

Presumably if she’s a good friend you wanted an honest answer from her? So what if she was honest and you can’t tell?

Presumably you have a significant amount to lose if you had to ask whether 4 stone is noticeable.

Anyway Op, massive congratulations on your weight loss 🙂