To be upset with what my friend said?

OP four stone is fantastic. Good for you.😁

I'll be honest....you probably won't get many positive reactions. People hate others successfully losing weight. Pay no attention to them.

100% this.

“Congratulating” people on losing weight is so problematic. People are the weight they are for so many different reasons, and if we are to value people as people instead of how they look, we should be moving away from commenting on people’s appearances full stop.

I wouldn’t get hung up on this if she is in all other respect a good friend.

Commenting on your own weight is very different to commenting on someone else’s. Giving up on a friendship of this would be crazy (unless there’s other stuff) and I think you are being unfair on your friend.

She is not your friend. Well done on your weight loss.

Agreed, came on here just to play devils advocate. I don’t comment on anyone’s weight ever. If they bring it up I’ll say they look good but I think it’s really dangerous to affirm people’s ideas that they’re a better person if they’re skinnier. I know comments about how much better I look when I’ve lost weight have really impacted my self worth!

I think she was wrong to not say anything nice but maybe she really couldn’t tell the difference because she didn’t care that you were big in the first place?

Yes, I agree but she'll comment on her own weight loss. She did once say she 'couldn't tell' if I'd lost weight as we're often wearing big coats but I think by summer when it was single layers she could see.
She also knows I sometimes dog walk after I've been to the gym so there's definitely room for dialogue about wellness even if not about weight.
Also...in my head, that I've not shared on here there's a whole load of other 'stuff' that's happened that's got me to this thinking.

I think a lot of people avoid mentioning weight loss, doesn’t mean she’s not a friend

Listen I am so sorry you experienced that but as someone with a guy for 14 years, I’ve been multiple sizes and he’s never truly noticed unless the difference has been huge. Some people are genuinely weight blind and others are more noticeable to it. Four stone is a lot so well done. But of course where you started out also impacts how much people notice. It also depends on what you’re wearing - do you hide behind baggy clothes etc.

anyway what matters most is a) you’ve lost four stone and you know it b) you can see it

well done xxx

My friend had quite a sizeable nose job. Wasn’t obvious from the front, but completely changed the profile of her face.

Her brother didn’t notice at all.

She asked her friend if she could see the difference. The friend looked her up and down and "No." It's in the OP.

Mentioning someone's weight loss or weight gain would feel very pass remarkable and rude. People lose or gain weight for all sorts of reasons from mental health issues such as depression,, self neglect, background health issue I may be unaware of so I steer clear about commenting on a person's overall shape. None of my business.

Four stone is definitely visible, so first of all, well done!

I read that you need to lose about 1/2 a stone or a bit less to see the difference yourself, but it takes twice that for other people to notice in your daily life.

So at four stone, a friend who knows you should be noticing. Maybe your clothes are just a little bit looser so she hadn't noticed before you said, but it's strange she still didn't see when you pointed it out.

Is there any chance she was being cruel? I mean, is she sometimes like that?

I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and I genuinely didn't notice. Not everyone does.

Honestly unless it's really dramatic I don't often notice, it may well be the same with your friend.
If she's usually a good mate I'd put it down to that.
Also depending on how you dress usually it may not have been noticeable as in when you dress to hide your problem areas so people don't notice when you do start to lose weight they won't really register.
Hope that made sense

I go to a weekly event and see a girl. She recently announced she'd lost around 4 stone and I secretly thought WTF. I honestly couldn't see a difference at all. I'm not being bitchy, I just couldn't. Regardless, I congratulated her anyway.

It sounds like she is jealous to me .That is amazing OP, well plenty of us are praising you so well done without a doubt. I would think she did notice. Soon you will have to make sure you don't slip down a gutter as you walk near one I had never heard of that but in our slimming world group people knew about that. .I realise a lot of people do not notice things but losing a lot of weight changes people's faces and body. My DH lost 7 stones and had to buy smaller shoes as his feet were smaller.

In future don't ask people! If she was a supportive friend and wanted to compliment on your job well done then she would without you having to ask her! She obviously doesn't want to make you feel good about yourself, in fact it sounds like she wants to do the opposite, so don't give her the set-up to knock you down next time.

Well done on the weight loss, 4 stone WILL be noticeable in some way, especially from someone who knows you well, so unless you have a tedious habit of fishing for compliments then she was being a cow.

Well done! She's jealous, I am too 😂.

Four stone is a lot of weight to lose. There's always one friend who is jealous and will say this.

Don't mind her and keep going ! Fair play to you.

She mean! Even if couldn't notice you would say something like 'you look great!' or 'well done.'

I've lost nearly 4 stone and nobody has noticed (I was nearly 17 stone to start with), my dad asked if I'd lost weight but nobody else had mentioned it all. I think because I'm still fat, they still just see a fat person.

Someone explained it as like peeling an onion, or unravelling a toilet roll, you don't notice the first few layers coming off but the closer your get to the end the more noticeable it is.

Ok so my best friend lost a fair bit of weight and I legitimately didn't notice. It's not personal, I just have this weird blindness to people's appearance changing, it's like I have a way I see them in my head and they just always look like that.

I've not noticed people changing their hair colour and style drastically, removing beards that have been on their face for a while, tattoos, tans, veneers and a boob job (not all the same person!)

However I'd have the fucking tact to go "yeah you look absolutely amazing!" if she'd asked me that question, because I know my appearance-blindness is fully a me issue.

You know your friend OP, is she unobservant and tactless or is she mean?

@Blueybingomum and good for you by the way

I should really lose 4 1/2 stone, but I think it's unrealistic for me.

@LeBaiserDuDragon that is amazing

Do you mind if I ask how your skin coped with it? I'm slightly worried that fat is the scaffolding holding up my face!

She should have just said yes

I am losing weight at the moment, and I am really not good at noticing stuff on anyone else

I had a surprise when someone I hadn't seen for six months or so told me she had lost three stone. She was looking absolutely amazing and she's doing a workout program that's really really challenging and has fabulous arm definition

So she came into the pub, and I said to her "you look fab" but it was a general observation and compliment

She said she'd lost three stone since we last met

I was surprised because I never thought of her as being overweight in the first place!

Could it be something like that?

The woman is very attractive, dresses beautifully, I only met her twice before a long gap - and then that was the time I saw her and she said she'd lost three stone.

It stayed on my mind for a bit, because she really didn't look fat in the first place! Which in turn made me think that perhaps I don't look as bad as I think I do.

is it possible that it's something like that?

You are losing weight to impress yourself, not your friends. Bear that in mind.