To be upset with what my friend said?

Nonsense

Do you really notice your child has changed? Do you really notice your partner getting old? When you see them all the time?
Of course not, you don't notice your own face either.

Until you see pictures and you realise the difference.

If someone you haven't seen in ages has lost 4 stones since the last time you saw them, yes, it's likely it will be noticeable. If you see them every week? no.

Tell yourself everybody is jealous if it makes you feel better 😂

Exactly. It really isn't credible. They think they are making themselves seem deep and above 'beauty standards' but they are actually just annoying and stingy with compliments.

Agree, I don’t beleive it either, it reads for some rhey can’t bear to compliment someone’s weight loss. And even on line will tie themselves up in knots justifying why they can’t bring themselves to do it.

Oh FFS. There's a difference between 'scrutinising' and noticing what's right in front of your nose. All this kumbaya stuff really gets my goat, it is so disingenuous.

I'm sorry but no amount of visual trickery can conceal a difference of FOUR STONE. I can understand your point if you're talking about a stone or so, but anything much more than that? Just no. Particularly in our culture, where weight is something that most women think about a lot, and where weight consciousness is bred into us from a very early age. These 'weight blind' people are bullshitting, I'm sorry. Unless you have a genuine vision impairment, there's just no way.

Honestly, why did you ask? I would never comment on someone’s appearance (excepting the 30 second rule - food in teeth etc.) and I would never ask someone to comment on my appearance. I don’t scrutinise my friends’ appearances, I see their expressions, their body language, and I listen to what they say.

Commenting on weight is hugely problematic. The “achievement” of losing weight is a personal struggle of trying to prioritise your health in an environment that makes this near on impossible. It’s not about looking skinny to other people. Do we like you more now you’re slim? Are you a better person now? No, it doesn’t matter, it’s your own health journey. It’s been shown that any commentary on appearance makes people (women and girls) feel more self-conscious. Whether you meet societies ideals for appearance or not, you know people are always looking and judging.

When I lost weight, a few people commented but most didn’t. Honestly, it made me feel awful when people commented and said “oh well done” “you look great”. Weight changes throughout life. We don’t always have the time, money, and energy to exercise everyday, count calories, meal plan, batch cook. I know they will be there judging me again if I put the weight back on.

Also, as someone who has never been overweight, I never, ever say 'you've lost weight' or something like this to anyone who is a tad overweight.

To me that sounds like 'you used to be fat'. I do not comment on people's weight full stop.

It's like saying 'you don't look tired today'. It seems a veiled insult.

Unless you know OP in person or have seen her before and after photos, you can’t say for certain whether her weight loss is noticeable or not.

Weight loss isn’t always immediately visible - it depends on how the person dresses, their figure, how they hold themselves, how big they were to begin with, whether they’ve toned up or have lots of loose skin etc.

Losing four stone is obviously an amazing achievement but it shouldn’t be something other people have to notice for you to be happy or proud of yourself.

People who think it's "jealousy" are only describing their own feelings

The normal social convention when someone asks you a question about their appearance is to pay them a compliment, even if you're not entirely telling the truth (can you guess how old I am? also falls into this category).

I've learnt not to ask these questions and to avoid answering them for that reason.

Jealousy..pure & simple. Sorry you have a friend like this.

She's jealous.

I lost 3 stone and my "friend" said she couldn't tell, even though lots of other people could tell. She was very slim and could eat anything and enjoyed making little digs about my weight and "big" people so I don't think it fitted her agenda to have a slim friend. It could be something like that with your friend.

You don't need to apologise. Your post is totally clear and anyone nitpicking at a few typos is a complete twat.

In response to your actual question - YANBU. As a previous poster said, unless your starting weight was 30-odd stone, it seems very unlikely that your friend hasn't noticed you've lost 4 stone. It's a lot of weight to lose, and you must be wearing a smaller clothes size, right? Pretty sure most people would notice their friend dropping a size - or indeed two or three sizes!

If she really is so incredibly unobservant and/or blind that she genuinely hasn't noticed, she should have been tactful and lied.

Well done for shifting four stone - that's not easy.

Well you obviously haven't learnt from reading the responses that a lot of people do not and have not noticed that sort of thing.
It's a choice to think people can't be different and must be being bad, but you both have a wealth of evidence here. Are all those PP lying in your opinion? Or maybe they just didn't notice that really they had noticed?

Understandably OP was disappointed and has an emotional response attached to that. She knows it and is asking for perspective.

Unless there are reasons to think this friend isn't an honest person or is an intentionally mean person, it's most likely she is one of the many people who don't normally notice that sort of thing. Now you know we exist and are not even rare.
I actually think that's better than constantly being aware of other people's weight, and potentially judging them one way or the other for it.

Might be a generational thing but most women my age and younger (30) have been taught not to really talk about peoples weight or comment on it as it’s rude. Maybe she felt awkward?

This forum is full of posters who keep banging on "how rude/ nasty/ inappropriate" it is to comment on people's body and people's weight.

People can't win. If you'd say to any of these posters: you've lost weight, you look great, they will be deeply offended and upset.

Safer to shut up. Nothing to do with jealousy. It says more about you to think everyone else is only basing their worth and self-esteem on their own body weight, not everybody is like that.

If nothing else, when you have been slim all your life, that's the least interesting thing about you, being slim.

(not directed to the OP, replying to the general comments)

Was you wearing more baggy and weight hiding clothes before you lost the weight. This might explain it.
When I am over weight I tend to wear baggy, all black, longer tops that hide my stomach and bum.
Then when I lose weight i wear more fitting stuff and more colourful.
Which means that objectively, ai probably don't look like I have lost much weight to someone jusy seeing me in my clothes as my heavier weight was hidden.
If you feel better, healthier and more confident then that's what really matters.
Wrll done for losing it :)

Sorry to say but sounds like shes not much of a friend

Unless you weight 24 st and are short or similar there is no way wjat she said is factually true.

So she said it to be hurtful.

You yourself must know your clothes are much bigger you need a smaller size

Oh please, maybe you wish it's jealousy. Some people prefer to not get involved in weight talk, it's a minefield. I have a friend who's overweight and she sometimes goes up or down but I hardly notice. And if I did I'm not going to be mentioning it. I think in the OP's case the friend should have lied and said yes.

Don't ask a question if you don't want an honest answer. You are BU to fish for compliments and then get upset that she's just being honest.

Has she not noticed? It's very possible.

How often do you see her?
If she hasn't seen you since you first stated dieting, 4 stones is a lot and will be noticeable.
If you see each other all the time, it's not an overnight change, she might very genuinely think you look exactly the same as you did the previous week, and the week before.

Most parents don't see their children changing either, it's only when you look at photos that you think: wow, totally different in a few months.

If losing weight on a background or being very large, even a 4 stone weight loss may look like a drop in the ocean. Also if you are wearing similar clothes then there may be no visible difference.

I've lost 3 stone and 3 to go and honestly, it's not that noticeable.

Can you see I've lost weight, yes a bvit but by looking at me you'd never guess it was 3 stone.

Well done op.

This.

Well done @Blueybingomum