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Original poster

First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

312 replies

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:02

As above - would you expect your partner to tell you if they were going to be bringing ‘kink’ items? Or is it appropriate to find out by walking into the bedroom after a bath and finding said items being worn?

OP posts:
MyCrushWithEyeliner · 16/11/2025 22:32

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:01

I am sorry, ladies - when I posted that only pervs use sex toys, I was labelled a troll, this and that - and now all of you, in unison - dump him? Er? How does that work then?

They hadn’t previously discussed it. If OP was into it and up for having some ‘mask fun’(??) no problem

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 16/11/2025 22:30

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 16/11/2025 22:08

I wouldn't know where to look.

For the nearest exit? 😧

Cherryicecreamx · 16/11/2025 22:28

Oh gosh no. I'd be pretty pissed off after a relaxing bath to come out and to essentially be expected to "perform".
Whilst he might think it's "sexy", I think it's wildly presumptuous of him to assume how into it you're going to be, especially without any prior discussion.

BunnyLake · 16/11/2025 22:28

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:01

I am sorry, ladies - when I posted that only pervs use sex toys, I was labelled a troll, this and that - and now all of you, in unison - dump him? Er? How does that work then?

Seriously?

GameOfJones · 16/11/2025 22:18

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:01

I am sorry, ladies - when I posted that only pervs use sex toys, I was labelled a troll, this and that - and now all of you, in unison - dump him? Er? How does that work then?

It's not about the sex toys. It's about consent. It's because he sprung this on her without any prior discussion.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 16/11/2025 22:08

I wouldn't know where to look.

Redflagsabounded · 16/11/2025 22:06

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:01

I am sorry, ladies - when I posted that only pervs use sex toys, I was labelled a troll, this and that - and now all of you, in unison - dump him? Er? How does that work then?

Consent a difficult concept for you?

Lastfroginthebox · 16/11/2025 22:02

Not ok for first night away. It will only get worse!

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:01

I am sorry, ladies - when I posted that only pervs use sex toys, I was labelled a troll, this and that - and now all of you, in unison - dump him? Er? How does that work then?

Redflagsabounded · 16/11/2025 21:57

Ah god, I've been single for 3 years and it's stories like this that putting me off ever going near a man again. So many of them seem to be either tedious or dangerous porn addicts now.

He's also extremely manipulative with what he said (let alone did).

It was for you - you both know that's utter bullshit. It's his kink, he didn't give a second's thought as to how walking into a room and immediately jumping.aboard a used dildo with no interest expressed, no foreplay, etc could possibly be pleasurable for you. That's because he isn't interested in your pleasure.

His ex was 'open about' things like this. That's supposed to make you feel in competition with her.

'Have to put that behind him and move on' - he innocently didn't know different women have different preferences? Pull the other one.

Yuk. He sees women as fuck toys.

HelenHywater · 16/11/2025 21:54

Why would it have a condom on?

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2025 21:53

I would not be happy with that.

Grammarnut · 16/11/2025 21:51

Dump. Kinks are fetishes - men are more prone to them but they never augur well for a relationship. Dump now.

Doggymummar · 16/11/2025 21:48

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:19

It was a mask with a sort of gag/toy on it. My reaction was to say WTF rather than laugh at the time.

Fir you or him to wear

Barnbrack · 16/11/2025 21:43

HildegardP · 16/11/2025 21:35

He was wearing the mask. It has, er, an external feature, one with a condom on it.
I do not clarify to defend, purely to clarify.

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Mother of God

Gettingbysomehow · 16/11/2025 21:43

Left · 16/11/2025 20:26

Was probably hard to hear him through the gag.

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😂

Barnbrack · 16/11/2025 21:42

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:26

Yes, he has been clear that he and his ex were very open with things, and he said after this happened that he needs to try to move on from that mindset and start afresh, which he says is hard because they were together a long time.

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That's as bad as the gimp mask of not worse.

Jane143 · 16/11/2025 21:40

SunnyDolly · 16/11/2025 20:22

What did he say???

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I shouldn’t think he said much at all if it was a gag! 🤣

Aluna · 16/11/2025 21:40

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:26

Yes, he has been clear that he and his ex were very open with things, and he said after this happened that he needs to try to move on from that mindset and start afresh, which he says is hard because they were together a long time.

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I’d tell him to back to her. Did you ask him if he’d washed the mask?

outerspacepotato · 16/11/2025 21:39

There should always be a discussion and consent before introducing kink.

Just not having that discussion and his assumptions that it was ok with you and then that all women like the same things as his ex, nope. I'd be out.

DoYouThinkYouCouldTell · 16/11/2025 21:39

Shame there were no handcuffs. I'd have been tempted to leave the ball gag in place and cuff him to something immovable in the room , then leave......

HildegardP · 16/11/2025 21:35

SageSorrelSaffron · 16/11/2025 21:23

Why the fuck would he think you would like to be gagged?
Like we don’t know the answer is - he likes women who are gagged, porn addled fuck. Revolting.

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He was wearing the mask. It has, er, an external feature, one with a condom on it.
I do not clarify to defend, purely to clarify.

Greggsit · 16/11/2025 21:35

SageSorrelSaffron · 16/11/2025 21:23

Why the fuck would he think you would like to be gagged?
Like we don’t know the answer is - he likes women who are gagged, porn addled fuck. Revolting.

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Other way around im afraid. It was him wearing the gag.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 16/11/2025 21:26

ExperiencedTeacher · 16/11/2025 20:11

Surely it depends whether said items have been discussed before? And whether the discussion was received positively? If yes and yes then he could legitimately feel it would be a nice surprise. If it’s a no to either question then he was unreasonable.

What a strange response. It’s clear from the OP that this hasn’t been discussed previously, let alone “received positively”. That is the point.

peepsypops · 16/11/2025 21:23

Tbh I think people who get the “vibe check” so wrong in this kind of situation are likely into porn in a big way. Any rational person doesn’t just decide to spring this shit on people without notice. Dump and don’t look back.