Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

312 replies

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:02

As above - would you expect your partner to tell you if they were going to be bringing ‘kink’ items? Or is it appropriate to find out by walking into the bedroom after a bath and finding said items being worn?

OP posts:
IridiumSky · 16/11/2025 23:03

SpaceRaccoon · 16/11/2025 23:01

I just googled it. RIP my algorithm.

You’re brave.

Or did you use somebody else’s computer? 😁

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/11/2025 23:01

Ergh the audacity

SpaceRaccoon · 16/11/2025 23:01

I just googled it. RIP my algorithm.

Zucker · 16/11/2025 23:01

He's annoyed at you, yet he wanted you to hop on, no foreplay or anything!?! Lover of the year right there. You were presumably supposed to swoon at the sight of the gag/peen mask Biscuit

IridiumSky · 16/11/2025 22:58

Admit it - has anyone Googled this thing?

I’m scared to in case my computer is then filled with ads for the next two years. I’d be really worried that my wife might see it.

She might want me to buy one! 😄😄

HildegardP · 16/11/2025 22:56

Barnbrack · 16/11/2025 21:43

Mother of God

Show quote history

I really don't think this is her bailiwick.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 16/11/2025 22:56

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

The sheer arrogance of assuming he knew that this fetish would give you pleasure is really quite mind-blowing. The truth is he knew it would give him pleasure and he didn't really care about you.

IridiumSky · 16/11/2025 22:54

Thank you, OP ,for brightening everyone’s day with this extraordinary (and frankly hilarious) story. 😃

As somebody else just said, what a dickhead this bloke is. 😃😃

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/11/2025 22:53

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

My message back?

How fucking dare you? You do understand that shaming women for having boundaries makes you sound like a sex offender. My pleasure is up to me and any decent man ASKS what women like. They don’t just assume. I hope you are ashamed. Not for your interests, but for your total lack of understanding of consent.

<shudders> Fucking weirdo.

ForCandidDuck · 16/11/2025 22:53

Well I think it depends on the items?! A little sexy underwear/lingerie maybe ok but anything else should be discussed!

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 16/11/2025 22:49

Oh right, you’re a prude for not wanting a used sex toy sprung on you without any pre-amble. JFC what a knob!

ChaliceinWonderland · 16/11/2025 22:48

I hope you packed and left. This would've revolted me.

Hons123 · 16/11/2025 22:48

BunnyLake · 16/11/2025 22:28

Seriously?

Show quote history

Sorry, if sex toys=normality and consent has been established - knobbing on a week-end away consensually - so why the surprise and disgust if it is perfectly normal? Or is it different?

Fuckitydoodah · 16/11/2025 22:47

Eurgh that's grim. Just imagine what he'd be pulling out the cupboard a few more months in.

MrsJeanLuc · 16/11/2025 22:45

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:26

Yes, he has been clear that he and his ex were very open with things, and he said after this happened that he needs to try to move on from that mindset and start afresh, which he says is hard because they were together a long time.

Show quote history

OMG it gets worse and worse 😁

MrsJeanLuc · 16/11/2025 22:44

pinkfondu · 16/11/2025 20:25

As in for you to sit on?

thats unacceptable

Show quote history

Thank you @pinkfondu . I must have led a sheltered life - I was wondering what the mask was for 🥺

Isayitasitis · 16/11/2025 22:44

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

Wow he is vile!

ThatCyanCat · 16/11/2025 22:43

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

Well clearly if you're doing something for someone's pleasure, you don't get pissy and shame them if it doesn't pleasure them, but you know that. Even if you are a prude, so what? People are allowed to be prudes. Better a prude than whatever the fuck he is.

PaterPower · 16/11/2025 22:43

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

🤢🤢🤢

3luckystars · 16/11/2025 22:42

I would not cut it either in the dating world, some of the weird stuff people are into, my hairdresser had told me some really crazy stories!

Regarding this scenario, I would probably have burst out laughing in embarrassment and would also get the ick. I’m not into it and would like to be told before that gimp sprung it on me.

Krakinou · 16/11/2025 22:41

Ew! I’m glad you called him out on it. It’s like he’s not even interested in finding out what you like. Just slotting you in to his ideal sexual kinks that his exes have noped out of.

78e22387FFGH · 16/11/2025 22:38

So any woman who doesnt want him to use it, is a prude?

You are well shot

SpaceRaccoon · 16/11/2025 22:35

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 16/11/2025 22:34

He’s a dickhead. You’re not prudish and you’re well rid.

He certainly was in that getup!

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 16/11/2025 22:34

He’s a dickhead. You’re not prudish and you’re well rid.

Original poster
India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

OP posts: