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Original poster

First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

312 replies

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:02

As above - would you expect your partner to tell you if they were going to be bringing ‘kink’ items? Or is it appropriate to find out by walking into the bedroom after a bath and finding said items being worn?

OP posts:
IamnotaRobotic · 17/11/2025 04:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MungoforPresident · 17/11/2025 04:24

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

'Shamed him for his interests ...'

That made me giggle aloud for quite a while! I mean this was hardly a nice little hobby of his, ha. What did he expect?

SoftBalletShoes · 17/11/2025 03:47

Oh, OP! That sounds horrendous. And I've got an image of him in my mind basically wearing a gimp mask. My vagina would have clamped shut forever. And bollocks was it for your pleasure. It was for his, hoping to get his kink satisfied that night and that you would go along with it. Because if he cared what you thought, no way would he have sprung it on you like that. And his reaction to being dumped just confirms things.

SheSaidHummingbird · 17/11/2025 02:30

@India87 There is no ex partner, it's from all the porn he watches.

TwoBagsOfCompost · 17/11/2025 02:12

SpaceRaccoon · 16/11/2025 22:35

He certainly was in that getup!

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

SheSaidHummingbird · 17/11/2025 02:01

@India87 "I don’t plan on pursuing things as it stands"

Freudian slip or expertly deployed pun?

ClareBlue · 17/11/2025 01:57

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/11/2025 00:30

@ClareBlue I'm not opening your posted image, but now that you've searched "dildo gimp mask" I'll be curious if your search suggestions/pop-up ads change! 😂
Do you let anyone use your phone that will see your search history? You might be getting something surprising for Christmas now... 🤣

Edited

It's not looking good, tbh. That's the item and the assumptions Google is making about my leisure time.

Caerulea · 17/11/2025 01:57

Butteredtoast55 · 16/11/2025 23:14

I'm not often speechless but this thread has opened my eyes and confirmed that I never want to date ever again!

Should anything happen to DH I can say, with absolute certainty, that this and a billion other stories about modern dating guarantees I'd die single.

MeTooOverHere · 17/11/2025 01:50

ACatAsleepInYourHat · 16/11/2025 20:17

Did he happen to have a couple of cock rings “accidentally” fall out of his pocket, op?

Oh this will be our go-to for many threads to come!

OtterlyAstounding · 17/11/2025 01:34

Stravaig · 16/11/2025 23:47

To be fair, biological sex parts are shared around and re-used all the time!

Why not sex toys too, with appropriate cleaning in between. Replacing toys for each new partner is nonsensical if you're not also growing a fresh vagina or dick. By all means insist on new, but be clear it's illogical, a psychological comfort blanket you use to delude yourself. Bio sex parts tend to be well used and definitely not sterile 😆.

I wouldn't want a secondhand engagement ring that a man's ex gave back to him when they split up, and that only went on her finger. I'm fairly sure people wouldn't question that, so why question wanting new sex toys (which are far cheaper than rings)?

Besides, the guaranteed cleanliness of a new toy is a bonus and then you can buy it together, which also guarantees that whatever it is, it'll be to your taste. Not hard to understand!

Hons123 · 17/11/2025 01:03

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 16/11/2025 23:58

Vibrators for use on women either solo or with a partner are pretty mainstream. Cock rings for men, too, though slightly less common.

The gimp-mask-dildo whatever the fuck it is, is very much not mainstream. Consent around it had NOT been established, and surprise and disgust is a perfectly reasonable reaction to somebody springing a surprise gimp-mask-dildo on you.

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I see - mainstream perversion vs perversion. Understood.

Stravaig · 17/11/2025 01:02

seafoamhair · 17/11/2025 00:33

Yes, that's how one contracts STDs. Also, Hep B, and also bloodborne diseases like HIV, and Hep C.

This guy can't be trusted to have a conversation about it before springing it on the OP. I wouldn't trust his cleaning skills, especially given this unimaginable to me thing was apparently wearing a condom....?

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Indeed. Which is why I wouldn't have sex with someone I don't trust to sterilise a sex toy. And I wouldn't demand new toys without first insisting they provide new evidence of a clear sexual health check from a reputable clinic.

You know this, I know this, but MN? If it can care about the wrong thing, it will.

Galindaa · 17/11/2025 00:58

🤮🤮🤮

Terrytheweasel · 17/11/2025 00:58

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

You know now you’ve 100% made the right decision

Muffinmam · 17/11/2025 00:56

India87 · 16/11/2025 22:33

I’ve been messaging him tonight and said I don’t want to see him anymore because I don’t feel we are compatible. He has turned a bit nasty and said I’m prudish and have shamed him for his interests, maintaining it was for my ‘pleasure’.

I also said I feel uneasy that I suspect he has used that with other women. He pretty much confirmed this by saying it was ‘obviously’ sterilised and that not even rich people would dispose of toys after every use.

So that’s that, I’ll move on!

Gross …just gross.

No surprise he got angry. He’s a freak.

Muffinmam · 17/11/2025 00:54

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:09

I don’t plan on pursuing things as it stands. Which is annoying as we’ve had a good few months but I feel like I’ve got the ick.

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What was he wearing??

VegemiteOnToast · 17/11/2025 00:42

Eww it sounds like a pretty out-there fetish thing and not some lingerie or a vibrator (which he should ask if you are interested in anyway).
Honestly I think some men are raised in barns, I have no idea what goes through their minds.

seafoamhair · 17/11/2025 00:33

Stravaig · 16/11/2025 23:47

To be fair, biological sex parts are shared around and re-used all the time!

Why not sex toys too, with appropriate cleaning in between. Replacing toys for each new partner is nonsensical if you're not also growing a fresh vagina or dick. By all means insist on new, but be clear it's illogical, a psychological comfort blanket you use to delude yourself. Bio sex parts tend to be well used and definitely not sterile 😆.

Yes, that's how one contracts STDs. Also, Hep B, and also bloodborne diseases like HIV, and Hep C.

This guy can't be trusted to have a conversation about it before springing it on the OP. I wouldn't trust his cleaning skills, especially given this unimaginable to me thing was apparently wearing a condom....?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/11/2025 00:30

@ClareBlue I'm not opening your posted image, but now that you've searched "dildo gimp mask" I'll be curious if your search suggestions/pop-up ads change! 😂
Do you let anyone use your phone that will see your search history? You might be getting something surprising for Christmas now... 🤣

shhblackbag · 17/11/2025 00:27

MannersAreAll · 16/11/2025 20:09

Nothing sexual should ever be sprung on anyone.

Tbh even if the items were something I liked I'd still be very tempted to end the relationship based on the lack of discussion, and ultimately the lack of consent.

I really, really agree with this. I would be gone.

ClareBlue · 17/11/2025 00:21

I had no idea what this is so searched it and my search came back with this. Surely it can't have been this.

Sensitive content
First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable
RightOnTheEdge · 17/11/2025 00:20

I'd have died if I'd walked in on that waiting for me!

His reply shows you definitely did the right thing by finishing it. What an arsehole.

youalright · 17/11/2025 00:17

Sillysoggyspaniel · 16/11/2025 20:10

Depends on what it was. A blindfold, fine. Full on gimp suit, yeah I'd like a head's up.

🤣🤣🤣

BauhausOfEliott · 17/11/2025 00:15

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:19

It was a mask with a sort of gag/toy on it. My reaction was to say WTF rather than laugh at the time.

I mean, as kink items go I’d say that’s pretty mild but a) he should have found a way of broaching the subject to see if you liked the idea prior to expecting to use it and b) absolutely no way would I want a sex toy anywhere me if someone had used it with a previous partner.

As a sex toy, it’s nothing particularly disturbing or potentially harmful in itself, but jeez, he’s insane to think it was a good idea to just put the thing on and lie there waiting for you, or that you’d be happy to give it a go knowing it wasn’t brand new 🤢

Also I keep imagining him looking like Mr Noseybonk from Jigsaw, who terrified me on kids’ tv when I was a child.

Or this emoji > 🤥

researchers3 · 17/11/2025 00:14

LingeringDogFart · 16/11/2025 20:36

Nothing. He had his mouth full.

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😆

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