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Original poster

First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

312 replies

India87 · 16/11/2025 20:02

As above - would you expect your partner to tell you if they were going to be bringing ‘kink’ items? Or is it appropriate to find out by walking into the bedroom after a bath and finding said items being worn?

OP posts:
LetticeProtheroe · 17/11/2025 19:25

If be totally up for the toy if it was discussed first as I am a total perv. But that's the issue, consent. You don't just spring that on someone and expect a good response. Man is a total knobber.

FurierTransform · 17/11/2025 19:04

I mean...is this like a totally out of the blue/out of character surprise or something? because granted that is a bit weird I guess, but how i'm imagining this scenario playing out in reality, i'd laugh at how clunky he's been but no I don't think i'd be upset.

Lastfroginthebox · 17/11/2025 18:53

India87 · 17/11/2025 18:24

I’ve had another torrent of abuse today so blocked him. ‘Anyone going to a hotel should know it’s unlikely to be all vanilla’ his latest ‘defence’ 🙄

He's not only a pig, he's an ignorant pig. You're well rid of him.

DaisyChain505 · 17/11/2025 18:49

India87 · 17/11/2025 18:24

I’ve had another torrent of abuse today so blocked him. ‘Anyone going to a hotel should know it’s unlikely to be all vanilla’ his latest ‘defence’ 🙄

What a pig.

BauhausOfEliott · 17/11/2025 18:48

India87 · 17/11/2025 18:24

I’ve had another torrent of abuse today so blocked him. ‘Anyone going to a hotel should know it’s unlikely to be all vanilla’ his latest ‘defence’ 🙄

WTF? That is NOT A THING. This man is an absolute loon.

Him: ”I’ve just seen a really good deal on a lovely country hotel. Shall we treat ourselves to a weekend break?”
You: ”Oh yes, that would be great. Do you want to bring a dildo-mask or shall I?”

No. Not a thing.

I’m also imagining it the other way around, ie he’d have a woman stay over and she’d suggest something mildly kinky and he’d go, ‘Er, what? Surely you must know that sort of thing is only for hotels?’

BauhausOfEliott · 17/11/2025 18:37

Grammarnut · 17/11/2025 14:56

Well, I agree re discussing first. Though I think men with kinks or fetishes do see women as objects rather than people which isn't much good for long term relationships. One wonders why the OP's ex-boyfriend had split up with previous GF.

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I’ve had boyfriends with kinks, and none of them have seen women as objects at all. In fact, the most misogynistic (and violently abusive, as it sadly turned out) man I ever had the misfortune to have a relationship with was easily the most straightforward/vanilla in bed, by miles. And honestly, the two most adventurous were the two nicest men I’ve ever been with - one of whom is my lovely, kind, sensitive, gentle partner, who I’ve been with for 22 years.

And of course, women also have kinks and fetishes.

The OP’s boyfriend wasn’t a complete shitbag because he had a kink. He was a complete shitbag who also had a kink. Very different things.

whistlesandbells · 17/11/2025 18:28

SunnyDolly · 16/11/2025 20:22

What did he say???

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It was probably muffled to be fair!

This is very weird OP.

Original poster
India87 · 17/11/2025 18:24

I’ve had another torrent of abuse today so blocked him. ‘Anyone going to a hotel should know it’s unlikely to be all vanilla’ his latest ‘defence’ 🙄

OP posts:
SoftBalletShoes · 17/11/2025 15:12

Pedallleur · 17/11/2025 10:04

Maybe in this situation things need reversing. So he is there with his dildomask and the other person says that's so lovely as I'm into medieval torture. I've got my pincers, hot poker and other dungeon accoutrements in the car so so as you are ready prepare to suffer. All the others liked it, well those who survived or weren't maimed.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

"that's so lovely as I'm into medieval torture" 🤣🤣🤣

"I've got my pincers" 🤣🤣

SoftBalletShoes · 17/11/2025 15:10

ThatCyanCat · 17/11/2025 09:44

Christmas is already ruined.

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😂😂😂

Grammarnut · 17/11/2025 14:56

Lastfroginthebox · 17/11/2025 09:04

They're not necessarily 'unpleasant' things though. Some women might have liked it. But it's not prudish to have boundaries of any sort - it's just personal preference. And he should have established those before springing it on her.

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Well, I agree re discussing first. Though I think men with kinks or fetishes do see women as objects rather than people which isn't much good for long term relationships. One wonders why the OP's ex-boyfriend had split up with previous GF.

Empress13 · 17/11/2025 13:43

You should have taken a photo and showed it to his grandparents and parents at the Xmas dinner 🤣

HelenHywater · 17/11/2025 12:51

I've also risked my algorithm and googled it. I don't think its a mild kink at all!

I'd be so shocked if I emerged out of the bathroom to a new partner wearing that with no notice. And I'm not that shockable.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 17/11/2025 12:34

I'd have cracked out laughing because most kink accessories look ridiculous (and as sexy as genital warts)

Ihatetomatoes · 17/11/2025 12:02

Moonlightfrog · 17/11/2025 11:02

His reaction just conforms that you have done the right thing by ditching him.

Nothing wrong with people have kinks but to not discus it before randomly springing it upon someone in a hotel room is just wrong. He was hoping you wouldn’t have the guts to back out of it and would go along with what ever he intended to do. This is definitely not healthy in a relationship and show lack of respect and selflessness. In a healthy relationship you would discus what turns you on, you would discuss what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable and even buy things to try together, not whip out you beloved sex toy/fetish collection to surprise someone.

OP, I have been single a looooong time but have dipped in and out of dating for years, I have met men like this, ones that have no respect for what their partner wants/needs, I even had one guy try and strangle me without asking if it was ok (then tried to tell me that all women like it). They really are some awful men out there who live in some kind of fantasy world when it comes to sex, mainly due to them watching way too much porn. I a, glad you have thrown this one away, block him and move on.

OP, I have been single a looooong time but have dipped in and out of dating for years, I have met men like this, ones that have no respect for what their partner wants/needs, I even had one guy try and strangle me without asking if it was ok (then tried to tell me that all women like it). They really are some awful men out there who live in some kind of fantasy world when it comes to sex, mainly due to them watching way too much porn. I a, glad you have thrown this one away, block him and move on.

Bloody hell. Then if things go wrong it would be accidental strangulation during consensual sex....

JacknDiane · 17/11/2025 12:00

You should have said halloween has passed and your all out of monkey nuts

NeverHadHaveHas · 17/11/2025 12:00

Omfg I would leave immediately.

Ihatetomatoes · 17/11/2025 11:59

Gettingbysomehow · 17/11/2025 11:11

My ex husband thought I would enjoy playing with him in his new gimp suit replete with fake boobs and high heels.
The ex part will give you an idea of how thrilled I was.

🤮 some men are just about themselves and what they want. Grim

KateShugakIsALegend · 17/11/2025 11:48

Pedallleur · 17/11/2025 10:04

Maybe in this situation things need reversing. So he is there with his dildomask and the other person says that's so lovely as I'm into medieval torture. I've got my pincers, hot poker and other dungeon accoutrements in the car so so as you are ready prepare to suffer. All the others liked it, well those who survived or weren't maimed.

And add 'it's for your pleasure'! 😀

Lastfroginthebox · 17/11/2025 11:42

ThatCyanCat · 17/11/2025 09:44

Christmas is already ruined.

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Surely everyone on MN knows that raw potatoes don't freeze successfully.

Sassylovesbooks · 17/11/2025 11:39

You are definitely not being unreasonable but your boyfriend is. It doesn't matter if it's bringing sex toys into the bedroom or wanting BDSM (or anything else!), it should be discussed in advance. You don't spring this onto your partner. The fact he hasn't discussed this, for me is a red flag, because he hasn't bothered to find out your boundaries.

Nightlight8 · 17/11/2025 11:39

Did he apologised OP? For me it would depend on this and how you can go foward. If he's good in other areas I don't think I'd bin him off.

CrystalMighty · 17/11/2025 11:36

SpaceRaccoon · 16/11/2025 22:35

He certainly was in that getup!

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🤣🤣🤣

CrystalMighty · 17/11/2025 11:23

LilyTheLD77 · 16/11/2025 20:43

He was wearing nothing but a mask with a dildo for a nose that had a condom on it and he honestly thought you'd like that?

Are you sure this wasn't for a YouTube video / art project?

Dying 🤣🤣🤣

RaraRachael · 17/11/2025 11:15

I'd run a mile from any kinkiness 😵