First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

Ick

This.
Imagine him thinking OP would get turned on seeing him with a dick on his face and a ball gag in his gob. Yuck, many would want to vomit 🤢 at that, not join in. The fact he thought his 'surprise ' would be a 'treat' shows how out of touch he is, and a total asshole. Now he's become an abusive asshole, just like his kink was, he is it, creepy perv.

I think that is outrageous. What he is into is his business but nobody should spring something like that on another person, unawares. I really feel for you. He is now turning nasty, trying to make out that it was for you and everybody does it. They do not! Quite frankly, from your description it sounds quite revolting, not to say bizarre.

Block him, move on.

He deliberately planned it so you couldn't just go home, which you could have done if you were staying at his, or if he was at yours, you could have asked him to leave. Waiting until you were basically trapped in that location with him for the night is a gigantic red flag. Glad you've told him to take a hike.

The 2% are the ones confused by the question being 'Was HE being unreasonable?'. Because yes, he was. I just haven't voted 🤦🏼‍♀️

A libertarian stance. Certainly I am for doing nothing that harms someone else. Our problem is that 'kinks' of all sorts have become mainstream. OP's ex voiced this when he called her a 'prude' because she did not like or want his kink - which he saw as so normal it did not need discussion but was a treat he was offering her.

The danger is that because boundaries have been stretched somewhat (as exemplified by OP's story) and become elastic that abuse is much easier - framed as 'you're boring, you only want vanilla sex'. Vanilla sex is lovely, loving, kind, gentle and passionate sex that does not assume dominance and submission, though it may play those games. Sex is not a recreational toy, nor a pastime like going out to see a film etc. It is the stuff of our lives, the bonding between couples and the connections we make through sex are hard to undo. Sex is not a game, it has consequences for our mental and physical health. We should treat it with more respect.

The trouble is that kink is so normalised in porn and popular culture these days that it's absolutely choc full of abusive arseholes who think that kink = excuse to practice their woman-hating fantasies with impunity.

Not all people who practice kink are abusive arseholes but dating websites (incl Fetlife) are flooded with them. The pool of kinky men looking to date is an infested cesspit of coercion, manipulation and deceit, and it has become next to impossible to find kinky men to date who don't fall into that category.

I mean, we all knew he was a prick before this, but this doesn't even make any sense!

I didn't say boundaries were a bad idea. Kinks should, in fact, be all about boundaries and trust, and for most people, they are. The OP ex doesn't understand that, and that has nothing do with his submissive kink and everything to do with him being a twat.

It's simply that you aren't the one who gets to set those boundaries for other people outside of your own relationships, because they are none of your business, and neither do you get to arbitrate on what is good or bad for two adults to do, with full consent, to one another in private.

It's not a case of 'kink = bad, abusive, harmful' and 'vanilla = good, healthy, loving'. The danger comes from coercion, manipulation and deceit, all of which is every bit as likely (and often a lot more insidious) in a mainstream/conventional sex life as it is in a kinky one.

Man alive…that sounds absolutely awful. 🤢

I suspect a lot of people have no boundaries. Boundaries are a good idea. And however much one might like fetish gear, some fetishes are dangerous to relationships e.g. AGP. Anal sex is harmful whoever does it, but mostly to women.

The problem is that you are arbitrarily deciding what is/isn’t a kink based on your own preferences. You can draw that line for yourself. You can’t draw it for other people - that, in fact, is exactly what the OP’s mad ex tried to do.

Ultimately, beyond your own partner(s) you actually have no idea what the people in your life, people you know and love, get up to in the bedroom. And I can 100% guarantee you that plenty of the absolutely lovely, kind, sweet, respectful men and women you’ve met in your life are into kinky sex. You just don’t know about it.

The OP’s ex is a twat because he’s a twat, not because he’s into submissive sex toys. He just has no boundaries.

Not really anyone’s business, is it?

Adventurous sex doesn't necessarily mean kinky - which IMO tends towards fetishes, etc. Dressing up isn't a kink but is very normal as are some sorts of roleplay - not the sort where someone dresses as baby, however - and dressing up in leather like a torturerer with whips etc is a kink, and men dressing up as and wanting to be the 'woman' is AGP - a fetish (this one apparently appeared in 'White Lotus'). Gags, strangling etc are fetishes and not part of any normal, healthy sex life. Anal sex is harmful for women (tearing of rectum/faecal incontinence, infection).
OP's ex turned out to be a creep, too.

Fucking hell, he's a bell end isn't he!

Me and DP are going to a hotel for 3 nights tomorrow. We've been together 20 years, and I can promise you it's going to be entirely vanilla!

Total utter creep. Also no class at all - staying in a hotel room does not obligate anyone to have sex (not to speak of the kinkier side of things). You are better off to have got rid of the entitled idiot sooner rather than later! I would also be tempted to get an STD check just incase.

Please tell me you at least got a photo!

Seriously though unless he knew you were up for it then it should have been discussed.

Im a kinkster myself but there are boundaries.

If @India87 is still going to update the thread, I'm curious about whether she stayed (and had vanilla sex?) or got the hell outta there and left the dildo-faced ball-gagged guy to yank away?
OP has said her reaction was WTF? and has since ended it, but what happened in between?

It’s NOT hilarious, it’s grim and creepy. The OP could easily have felt intimidated and very upset by this.

Good reply from Mrs TP - it’s not prudish to dislike this creepy behaviour!

Fair enough, in an abstract way the thought of a man lying with a plastic dick on his face is funny.

What's not funny it all is the actual reality of it happening to the OP. How in a split second she went from romantic weekend to finding herself alone in a hotel room with a man she now knew to be a creep. The knot of dread and probably panic she felt wondering how to safely extract herself from that situation. I think all women can understand and empathise with that feeling.

You say yourself you wouldn't have found it funny if it happened to you. The 'hahhaa omg so hilarious you made my day' post I was replying to was completely tone deaf AND it was posted after the OP had updated to say the guy had turned nasty on her.

He and his ex must have spent a lot of time in hotels then. :)

The few times I’ve been treated to a romantic weekend in a hotel, (except when I was just a wild teenager) the whole caboodle of great food and wine, a beautiful location, and lavish, comfortable accommodation was as much a part of the experience as the intended sex marathon.
I mean, we’d be treating ALL our appetites; certainly an excellent way to enhance intimacy.
But being whisked away a guy I hardly knew only to be expected to switch into sex robot mode from a cold start? Feck orf.

This. He's a wrong'un.

So sorry, OP. Wishing you well.

"Do not contact me again in any way."
And block.
If he does, file a police report.
It is absolutely clear he is somewhat unhinged: lacks respect, sees you as an object, tries to gaslight you that the sex props were "for you", tries to make himself the victim by accusing you of shaming him by your refusal to play along, unable tp accept rejection, continual contact trying to manipulate your emotions, trying to coerce you, the red flags are bloody endless. If he's on a dating site I'd flag him as well. It might sound OTT, but to err on the side of caution I'd have security cameras at home.