To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

I was unprepared for the volume of farts.

That it really isn’t much to ask to massage your dh’s feet when he asks, have a lovely dinner you’ve prepared from scratch on the table every night and hand him a freshly mixed drink when he walks in from work. Also smile benignly and say “yes darling” even if he says something you don’t agree with. Men don’t want some harridan who’ll disagree with him and make him feel silly. They like to be admired and told they’re clever.

That’s really the secret to a happy marriage - and if only the sad single women realised that and didn’t try to be all “feminist” and clever they’d find a husband that much quicker!

Oh yes, another thing, if you say you are happily married the malcontents circle and paint you as a woman labouring under some awful false consciousness and then they will seal their superiority by calling this uninvited bollocks a feminist lens.

I watched a video an hour ago
I've no idea if the figures are correct but they work for me! 😄

56% of marriages end in divorce

23% of the remaining marriages are held together because of "the children and or finances"

21% of marriages are happy

I'll remain single 🤣

@User564523412 My second marriage is a truly equal partnership; I didn't accept putting up with being treated like shit in the first one (wealth irrelevant).

I don't feel my worth is determined by how quickly I do or don't have sex with someone. That's not my biggest selling point.

A good, long-term marriage mostly depends on the capacity of the woman to be treated like shit. This is especially true if you have children and there will be an inevitable uneven division of labour.

The most "solid" marriages are actually women who are genuinely willing to put all of their own needs last. They define themselves by their families so they can stay happy as long as all of their family members are happy and taken care of. They thrive on the idea that they are creating an ideal family and will act like the glue that enables all the family members to stick together. This may also be a trauma response from a bad childhood or not having a perfect family growing up.

Every woman has a different breaking point for "being treated like shit". Some may be happy putting up with laziness as long as their partner stays faithful. Others are willing to look past horrendous abuse or illegal/criminal behaviour. If you have the capacity to accept and forgive whatever your husband does (or doesn't do in terms of neglect or childcare) then you can maintain the happiest looking marriage from the outside.

The soul destroying realisation that he thinks the kids and housework are more your responsibility than his.

Not everyone is a journalist.

That marriage is safety and belonging and a responsibility to that person for the rest of your life.

There's a lot of it about.

If you marry the right person, it isn't hard work. And (actually I heard somebody else say this but I think it's true) when people say it should be an equal partnership that equality should be in the round, not looking to achieve a 50-50 day in and day out and scanning to achieve that breeds ill will.

There are times when one person can bring more resources to the table than the other - and if you or they don't have enough generosity to cover the gap in times of illness/ upset/ misfortune then you are delaying the inevitable.

It's very obvious, but it's coming back so often, and should be a reality check for both

Becoming a house cleaner kills sexual sparks
Being taken for granted kills sexual sparks
Being too "comfortable" kills sexual interest

Basically, can't complain if your partner doesn't want to have sex as often as the beginning or worst, looks elsewhere, when you are not the person they wanted to have sex with at the start, because you are arguing over dirty socks next to the laundry basket, because one burps and farts like you are part of the furniture...

I'm married 30 years
He had a very long chase with me , in fact we got engaged before we had sex.
My standards were high for a relationship,we didn't sleep together for 6 months .
I would do exactly the same again..it weeds out the men from the boys ..
If they are not prepared to wait my time ,then they are not worth my time
Know your worth ladies

You're getting a hard time here OP. I took you to mean married or in a long term relationship with kids. People can share their experiences or not. If not then jog on.

Tolstoy said "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." but apparently he was wrong and it's the other way around, all unhappy families are alike, each happy family is happy in its own way.

@Icybird56 I didn't need a man with a drill and a toolbox...DIY!! Unless he needs a woman who cooks all his meals and washes all of his clothes?
Also, I had a baby with my husband before he married me (Covid happened). Why wouldn't he have wanted to after our daughter was born?

I married an average human normal man who is no more or less perfect than me, we both have our faults but accept each other as we are, there is no conspiracy.

He is who I married and remains so, if there is red flags after 30 years no idea what they are

Firstly
When looking for a man
You need one with a drill and a toolbox ,and he needs to know how to use them .
That is up high with being good in bed ..in fact probably higher.

Secondly
don't look for perfection,it doesn't exist,you do need to compromise on your expectations

Thirdly
they like the chase ,don't hand it to them on a plate and then wonder why they cold on you

Fourthly
don't move in together/ have babies / buy a house together ,and then wonder why they don't want to get married ..they have nothing to gain then ...see number 3.

@BeforeTheRingBlinds You don’t have to like each others friends. And it's OK to not compromise.

@DancefloorAcrobatics This wasn't in our vows, although I appreciate the sentiment.
My advice would be don't put up with anything less than fair teamwork (from both parties). Both work, both contribute financially, but also both contribute fairly to everything else.

Discuss how you will raise your kids. Everyone assumes their childhood is normal and wants to do the same. The reality is even similar childhoods can be vastly different.

I think you mean "married women", OP.
I'd say that, even in the happiest of marriages, both spouses need to retain a reasonable level of independence. So please don't rely on your husband for everything (both practical and emotional), because one day he may not be there. Not to mention the fact that having your own separate hobbies/activities/friends makes you a more interesting person.