To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

Probably don’t get married if you really really want an equal partnership. I honestly don’t think you can have children and be married and still have an ‘equal’ partnership in every way.

You started the thread, you are curious. Are you married or single (apologies if you have said, read thread briefly, will go back).

You obviously have an opinion on this, so give us your take.There is a thread about “miserable old farts” they might give you material.

I would say that there are few positive threads about marriage on MN because women can and should LTB at any sign of contention in a relationship, according to MN.

On the other hand MNetters reach out for advice, guidance, support and healing when things wobble or don’t work out.

But you don’t need to be married to be in a committed relationship. All relationships have their problems, we are all flawed. Some relationships/marriages work, some don’t but whether we are married or not we are getting through or not.

I do personally believe in marriage, now. After 11 years together, my then partner proposing every year. Eventually he caught me off guard and I said yes. Been married for 7 years now,
we have been through hell and high water, but you know what we always say with a big sigh is “we did it”.

No!

Quit. Be alone for a few years. Learn to enjoy life and find out who you are.

Then, and only then, if you want to, marry again... to someone who lightens your burden and brightens every day.

Very strange question, most people don’t marry a stranger. Do you think you get married and bang your partner changes

The OP lost me at "ladies". Twee and Bleurghhh.

Deadly. I never joke about pastry - it is an art form (cool fingers are the trick my dears so don’t be doing anything manly and horrid like running or sweating in a gym - also because men hate that kind of thing - they want their women fragrant at all times)

Now il have to leave MN for a bit and get hubby’s drink mixed - he’s due home from work soon. An emergency this time - Angela from HR was trapped in a toilet cubicle and dh is the only one who knows how to sort it out! Apparently the doors in the ladies are often tricky - dh gets called out at least 3 times a week for this reason - it’s rather annoying!

It’s easier to lose yourself without noticing. I’ve recently reflected on how much in my life is chosen by someone else- we use sensodyn toothpaste because he has sensitive teeth, we eat dairy free no spice meals due to his allergies/preference
his preferred laundry detergent etc

this sounds controlling, it’s not. I could just choose differently but it’s always just felt easier for us to use/eat the same thing. But recently I have been reflecting and wondering how many on my choices are the go to in our household and I really can’t think of anything!

4/10

@ThatChristmasMug

https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/new-research-helps-explain-lesbians-report-orgasms-straight-women-rcna146661

Here’s one, but there’s plenty.

37 years together, coming up 35 married. You never stop learning about each other.

A date night is getting ready in the same room and leaving the house together. If you have kids, you’re usually stressed by the time you get out.
I wouldn’t change it though.

@SeaAndStars We were both quite old and it was second wedding for both of us - 41 and 44! Being totally honest it does break my heart a little bit we only have one decent photo but we simply couldn't afford the expense of a professional photographer and wanted to enjoy the day. In retrospect I'd have tried harder to be able to find the money for one, but the main thing is it really was the most magical day ever (4 days before Christmas because we're both nuts!!) ❤️

The also have the highest divorce rate I think.

Wonderful answer!

Sadly I have to agree.

oooh OP

It's not marriage that changes things, it's growing up.

What I mean is, I had an awful DH#1, whereas DH#2 is the most awesome human being I've ever met 💗

What made the difference for #2 marriage was not settling for the stuff I thought was OK for #1.

However! the only way to find out and learn is to make mistakes.

I sometimes see couples who have had healthy, happy upbringings, who naturally gravitate towards healthy, happy relationships.

But I think these are rare. For most of us, it's a process of trial, error, and discovery (Who am I?) ... and much of that is put on hold when caring for children.

Eventually, it is possible to muddle through and find our happy place, but only if we have the courage and insight to make terrifying choices based on nothing but gut instinct, when we have no experience of any other reality to reassure us that we're not going mad.

Many people never do this.

Not sure if this makes sense, but that's my tuppeny ha'penny worth 🌞

Noone says it, but they should, you need to set guidelines over who does what, right at the outset.

It can be very mundane sometimes.... work, eat, sleep, repeat....

Make sure you actually like him before you go any further.

do they? I'd love to know where that comes from - the fact, not the orgasms 😂

Ahhh you’re jooooking. I fell for it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My mum says it's like having a dog. Amazing but messy and hard work, and you only get out what you put in.
If, like some poster say, OP is a journalist, my mum would laugh to see this published.

Is she serious ? God I can’t tell anymore.

Know that you will always be facing new scenarios together, nothing is predictable and there will always be some aspect that you will uncover that you didn't know before.

Best advice is to have already rode a few storms out before you get married. Dare I say times must have already gotten so bad that you've contemplated time apart or spent time apart and realised that you are better together and that the hard work it worth it.

I feel for anyone getting married who have never faced any difficulties or had the pressure of children to test them. I couldn't imagine feeling locked in with someone whilst navigating that.

It is work, it is negotiation, it is understanding and supporting.

When you find someone on the same page as you, it is worth it's weight in gold.

To not reply to blindingly obvious US journos on Mumsnet.

Take your time, we knew each other for three years before we brought our first house and lived together for four years before we got married. It was 7 years from the day we met to the day we got married.
The day I got married, I knew I was doing the exactly the right thing. I remember the photographer saying he had never seen such a happy bride and that was 34 years ago.
There will be days when you do wonder what it would be like if things were different, but really no more than wishful thinking and when problems like cancer strike, that’s when being in a team helps so much.

With the right person it's not work, it's piss easy. The problem is a vast number of people aren't with the right person, they're with the nearest "they'll do".