To ask: Married ladies, what’s one reality check single women need to hear?

I won’t bother then.The thread’s so general as to be meaningless.

If you promise a man you’ll stand by him through anything, he’s likely to put you through everything.

Most people surely figured this out long before they got married.

When you get seriously involved with a partner (not necessarily married as so many people aren't married but are still in equally committed long term relationships), their family are usually are part of the deal too. So make sure you get on with them too. Are they the sort of people you can share every significant event, every Christmas and holidays with? Do they have values you would want them to share in front of your children?

Married 35 years:

You will argue, and you'll both learn exactly which buttons to press. Better to walk away than have your say. Wait until you're both calmer and ready to be nice.

The kids will try and play you off against each other. Communicate so they realise that ain't gonna work.

In my case, the way to his heart is through his stomach. Every once in a while make the effort. If he doesn't reciprocate (by also making the effort every once in a while to do something nice for you), then you're screwed.

No, he's not going to turn his socks the right way round after he's taken them off. If he hasn't changed this habit after you've nagged him for 10 years, then he's never going to change and you might as well get used to it.

Some things are meant to be private. Shit on your own.

Kindness and honesty are worth way more than money.

Sometimes one or both of you will be an arse. Try and find the funny side of it.

If you want a career and children, don't breed with a chauvanist.

Does your worth go up the longer you hold out? If you shag someone on a first date and they end up wanting to marry you, does that mean you are no longer worthless because a man wants marry you? Is a man who judges you on this basis really worth that much anyway?

Nothing changed after we got married. After we had kids though, there was a very big change. Then we had kids.

I hope that was general enough!

Don’t marry someone you don’t respect.
Don’t marry someone mean.
Make an active effort not to dwell on ordinary human frailties and failings.

You can't change anyone.

It either works or it's over. Both putting 100% in or it's over. Both prioritising each other or nothing.

It didn't fail if it doesn't last forever. If it doesn't add to your life or make you happy then it's not worth the valuable time that is your one and only life.

Ill health, children, job changes or whatever nothing stops you putting each other first and anything less is a waste.

I was people watching in M & S cafe where couples (all ages) paid attention to each other, looked at each other's faces as they talked, touched their hands, cared for them - if it's not that then it's nothing. No diamonds, but just caring for each other.

Focus on the small stuff.

Big things about careers and children and houses come up naturally in conversations.

Small things like do you keep the ketchup in the fridge or cupboard, and is £5 a day on takeaway coffee a serious irritant long term don't tend to come up until mid fight.
Every day small irritations and annoyances can eventually become huge issues because it's every. single. day. that they put the ketchup in the damn fridge and you end up with ice cold ketchup anytime you want some.

If you lived together already, marriage isn't likely to be a massive game changer in dynamics. Having kids is.

I think marriage works when both parties think they're getting a "good deal" from it, most of the time.

I need to know because I might need to catch up and just maybe stop drinking beers directly from the can, I guess

I was single for years until I met DH. I married him because he's funny and my best friend. He's the only person who has my back 100%. He's not a high earner but he's kind, honest and always there for me.
Having said that most days I want to hit him with a brick. For breathing, talking utter crap. And for being very annoying!! Sometimes I fantasise about being single, but I wouldnt be where I am without him.
We've nearly split up several times but talking things through makes us stronger.
Its hard but for me worth it. I know I'm lucky mostly and try not to take him for granted.

My biggest tip for anyone is choose their partner very carefully. I had a really bad relationship before I met my husband and I knew I was never willing to put up with that kind of shit again so my standards were VERY high. He's amazing. I find marriage so easy, we don't fight, we both consider each other all the time, he's my best friend as well as the love of my life. With the right person it doesn't have to be hard, but you also need to treat the right person with consideration and kindness.

Some couples proudly boast that they've been married x number of years and never had an argument. Like that's something to be proud of. What it means is that one person - usually the woman - doesn't think for herself or have her own opinions. Having a disagreement is healthy if it can be resolved or respected. So my advice would be, respect yourself and be an equal partner.

Can you share some specific examples of things you've seen?

Sometimes I pull my ring on and off to enjoy the sudden switching between states.

Do women turn into ladies when they get married????

Those of a bloke/ or someone from a foreign culture/ or someone setting up a sketchy guide for prospective spouses (misc) from a nearby planet?
Definitely doesn't feel like it’s been dreamed up by 30-year old Ms Everywoman from Penge.