To think a lot of MN are ableist?

Yes. Society is ableist and Mumsnet reflects that unfortunately. I think the behaviour of going out of your way to telling you just don't think autism exists on a thread where someone is talking about their child's difficulties is poor.

I've read it. It sounds as though it is technically still illegal and very rarely used.

The poster I'm talking about was saying ALL profoundly disabled babies should be euthanised at birth. This is also without parental agreement and purely to save money.

I've never heard of medical staff telling someone with ADHD that there issues are out of their control, that would only be relevant to people who lack mental capacity and would need a high level of support. Things are more difficult for people with ADHD and they learn differently, professionals are often giving them strategies to live a full life, not absolving them of all responsibility.

The issue there is that there isn't enough resources available full stop for education, and SEN take up a huge amount of funding. That is unavoidable, but it does mean that funding is taken away from many other children who would also benefit from that money.

Agree, a lot of ableism mainly due to the warped view that increasing taxes is going straight to those in need and not ridiculous expense claims made by corrupt MP's.
A close family member had a fabulous job and owned 2 homes with their dh, she had a traumatic birth which made her disabled. Whilst pregnant her husband made her sign over one of the properties (little did we know she was being abused and coercively controlled) whilst recovering from a c section and brain haemorrhage, her husband left her and their newborn and pays the bare minimum as he has his own business. She can't work due to lasting mobility issues and is on PIP and UC. They sold the other house and she had to live off that money (which wasn't a lot as her DH had remortgaged to pump money into his company) whilst moving back in with her parents who helped care for her and her baby and is now waiting for a council house.
It's fucking shocking how cruel and judgemental people can be on here and the worst thing is that because it is an anonymous platform, people are saying what they really think. Not everyone on benefits is lazy, most have contributed to the system.

MN has turned into a nest of vipers over the last year or two. There is so much hate towards children with disabilities and the educational resources they take up and don't get me started on the attitudes against disabled adults and their 'free BMWs'. It's really quite sad. Having children with SN is what led me to MN in the first place many years ago and the help/support/advice/wisdom of many posters really helped me through some very difficult years and enabled me to fight for my children in ways I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. I am actually considering deactivating my account over the disability hate here and the complacency of MN. There are many threads left to stand which would have been pulled quickly a few years ago. It's a very different place now.

There was a thread on here yesterday where a poster said that benefits should be cut before she she should pay more for living in a half a million pound house, because people with disabilities get given fancy cars like BMWs.
She knew it was true because she read it on Reddit 🙄

I actually think MN is the opposite.

Every single time a parent posts about a challenge they are having their child, people rush to diagnose SEN and excuse inadequate parenting styles.

I think part of the problem is that so many people have now been diagnosed with special needs based on ever-broadening definitions of ADHD and austism.

ADHD seems to be a catch-all term for any number of behavioral issues and completely ignores environmental factors.

A relative was diagnosed as having ADHD at 17 and has been on medication ever since (going on 8 years) but has never worked and is likely to be a lifelong recipient of social welfare.

In my opinion telling a teenager they can't focus on schoolwork because they have a genetic disposition is utter nonsense, cruel, mercenary and counter-productive. Her family life was chaotic - that is why she couldn't concentrate, but the medical industry doesn't make money out of that common reality.

She gave up trying because medical staff told her it was outside her control.

The definition of autism has also been broadened so much in recent years as to include anyone who has any issue with social interaction when many of these are also down to environmental factors that are deliberately being ignored by the medical industry who like to label everything as having a "genetic disposition" because that drives the bottom line.

can we not turn this thread into a dissection of the other one please.

Unfortunately I'm actually talking about a different comment which just goes to show how much it is happening. That poster isn't talking about another posters child, they are saying that profoundly disabled babies at birth shouldn't be allowed to live to save money.

@Sillysoggyspaniel

(Edit - and @Kirbert2 )

Apologies, the Netherlands.
You have to read through the article/extract:
https://adc.bmj.com/content/110/5/397

Well, except that a dysfunctional upbringing (and the parents of that child didn't want to enforce basic boundaries) is a predictor of someone who commits sexual assaults as an adult. My daughter will be around strangers like your adult son, so yes, it is a concern.

Isn't euthanasia illegal in Denmark?

Or are you talking about what they used to do with profoundly disabled children which wouldn't happen today in 2025?

If it isn't done today in 2025, what is so culturally different?

The primary responsibility of a parent is child safety and setting appropriate physical boundaries. It is disingenuous to use the thread concerning a disabled person's constant holding, touching, kissing the OP's baby to suggest a parent should sacrifice safety for another person's emotional comfort just because that person is disabled person and has taken a particular shine to the baby. Assessing the risk of injury whether accidental or deliberate and considering the potential for inappropriate touching are necessary parental duties. It's the parent's responsibility to establish boundaries concerning touch until the child is capable of consenting.

OP, have you seen the other thread that says MNHQ are going to increase their moderation as they too have noticed an increase in nastiness on threads?

I’d say that some of what you’re experiencing here is less about ableism and more a general trend across the site of threads being derailed by people being pointlessly nasty (the comment about the little boy potentially becoming a sex offender sounds like one of them). It seems as though some people view it as a ‘sport’ - as pathetic as that is. Hopefully some of the tighter moderation will stop these people.

And sexism.

I think what we've established here is that boys are stronger than girls and they tend to not realise their own strength at the age of 4. It's not a marker of predatory behaviour later in life. For goodness sake what a stupid way of thinking.

Oh believe me my son will be raised correctly, you've no need to worry about how I, a stranger, raise my own child.

I'll say no more on the subject and will leave this thread.

While I understand why you are alert and sensitive to posts about children with disabilities, I think that you’re both reasonable and unreasonable.

While there is an element of people not knowing what life with a disabled child is like, I think that this isn’t a MN thing.

One of the biggest lies around today is that most kids with SEN can be educated in the mainstream system. The truth is that the system operates like that for money saving reasons. The children with SEN as well as those without and the adults are not having a safe and decent classroom experience and it’s perfectly fair and not ableist for people to complain that schools have their hands tied and can’t deal with situations.

I'm physically disabled, as well as being ND, both my kids are also diagnoses ASD/ADHD.

I don't think a lot of people on here are consciously ablist, but i do think people who don't have kids with disabilities need to check their privilege and back off judging the parenting of disabled children when they have no fucking clue what they're talking about

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

Yes to both of those things.

The topic is so varied that it isn't always an either/or situation.

But having said that I have seen some shockingly nasty/ignorant posts regarding disability OP, so YANBU.

That's not true! What are you on about?

@Kirbert2
That was my child that the poster remarked about quality of life or the lack thereof and how 60 years ago she wouldn’t have been alive and nature would take its course.
I’m sick of MN so I think I’m going to delete my account- solely because of posters like that one. I’m sure if a poster said trans people shouldn’t be alive or people who are a minority ethnically or racially the poster would be banned. But it’s evidently fine if it’s a child born with severe physical limitations.
And to say them to the parents of a child like mine as if I could reverse time and stop her coming into existence.

The other poster referred to everyone being “out of empathy” (I presume they actually mean sympathy) but again that’s supposed to be representative of the public at large.

Wgat a wonderful world we live in.

Except that men are typically physically stronger and also the main perpetrators of sexual assaults. So I'm being damn sure to make sure my son is respectful of boundaries and a decent human being. You should do the same.